Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I Can't Look At You While I'm Lying Next To Him

I tend to be pretty open minded and pretty non judgemental when it comes to people, their beliefs and lifestyle choices. As long as their decisions don't affect me directly I am fine with their choices even if they aren't something that I would choose for myself.
For example, as much as I have fantasized about having a threesome (what girl hasn't) I can't imagine actually being in a relationship with multiple people at the same time. I even have a hard time casually dating more than one person at a time. It could be that I am easily confused and would have a hard time remembering who said what but I think that it is more that I feel like I am betraying someone.

Which is why I have never understood the lure of cheating. I have read many articles that say that men cheat because of the physical release and that it isn't an emotional one. If that is the case, why aren't they whacking off in the shower and keeping the fidelity in their relationship?

Being a woman, I think that for women it is more of an emotional need. You feel ignored, unimportant, that you aren't being fulfilled emotionally so you go and find the guy that makes you feel beautiful, special and important. I am certain that there is the rare woman that cheats for physical needs too. Probably their husband/boyfriend doesn't satisfy them the way an old flame did so they run back to the old flame to get that need fulfilled.

What is the lure of cheating? I don't get it.

I see the pain, misery, anger, hatred, mistrust and the devastation that it causes. If you are planning to cheat or even if it is a spur of the moment thing and you end up cheating on your significant other what brings you to that point? Is it a lack of morals or a lack of strong character that people succumb to? Is it an overwhelming desire that you are unable to control? Is it knowing that you are "getting back" at your significant other because they did something to hurt or anger you?

Have you ever been cheated on? How did it affect you? Were there any positives that resulted from being cheated on?

Have you ever cheated? Was it worth it?


Churlita said...

When I was in my early twenties, I cheated. It was more a dating overlapping situation. Because I was insecure, I couldn't get out of one relationship, without knowing I had another one.

It was stupid and sad and I would never, ever do it again.

l.b. said...

I know I was cheated on when I was married, but never had solid proof. I knew though. At first I wanted to fight about it, but over time something inside of me just sort of died and I found I didn't care anymore. That's when I got divorced, because once you don't care anymore, what's the point?

Dennis said...

What happened to HDH. Bring on the women.......please.

mielikki said...

Yes, I've been cheated on, and its the worst feeling, ever.
Question, though. No HDH? I keep track of the weekdays with that now! I almost forgot to post Wordless Wed. without the reminder!
Good post, though.

Arnold said...

I have cheated.. I'm not sure if you can consider it "cheating". How much exactly is cheating?

I know that it's a sudden urge/desire that I couldn't control. It was a case of not being satisfied with what you have and wanting something more. I also know that it was purely physical.

And yes, it did cause a problem later on when she came to know. But things worked themselves out again after that.

Tara said...

So far I've never been cheated on, and I know I'll never cheat on my significant other. I hate when people use the excuse of a mid-life crisis as a reason for cheating on someone. I've heard that too many times.

Babybull40 said...

Those are some pretty good questions.. I have never cheated and will never cheat.. I have had old boyfriends cheat on me in the past and I became disillusioned and I was disgusted that they would hurt someone they claim to love. The pain takes awhile to get over.. But as most things in life you manage to move on and try to deal with day to day life. Anyone that cheats whether it be emotional or physical is lacking any compassion for the person they are cheating on... Only because it will eventually come back and bite you in the ass. How anyone can go on for any length of time without being found out is asking for trouble.

Rachel said...

Churlita ~ Did the guy ever find out? Did your new relationship last very long?

l.b. ~ I guess not caring about the other person anymore is a very common symptom of being cheated on. I am sorry that you had to deal with that.

Dennis ~ Um, I totally forgot that it was Wednesday considering that Monday was a holiday. I will make up for it tomorrow.

Mielikki ~ I can't imagine what that level of betrayal feels like. It must be soul shattering.
I totally forgot about HDH. I was feeling guilty for posting a meme on Friday and Tuesday so thought I would write something more in depth today without it even occuring to me that it was HDH day.

Arnold ~ Cheating to me is anything that you wouldn't do with your grandmother or sister. If you kiss them on the lips then that isn't cheating. Hopefully you don't feel them up.

Tara ~ I have heard the "I'm not in love with my spouse anymore" song and dance enough times. I feel that if you ever loved them and you have any shred of respect for them that you should end that relationship before starting another one.

babybull40 ~ I wonder if the boyfriends that cheated on you ended up being cheated on themselves. Like tends to draw like don't you think?

nicole said...

I've cheated and been cheated on. The worse was finding out months later that I was cheated on and not having a clue. As for my cheating... I was unhappy in the relationship and after I cheated I ended the relationship. I've never been in a relationship while having something on the side. And I wasn't in anything serious at the time either. I would never cheat on my husband because I love him and respect him too much, and to me that would signal the end of the relationship because I couldn't live with myself. As for reasons why I cheated? Boredom, feeling ignored. Obviously the relationship was already over, so I guess it was my way of doing something to force myself to end it properly. I hope that makes sense.

M said...

honestly, I think cheating is one of the most despicable things you can do to another person. It's also a cowardly and spineless way to act - ie: to cheat on someone rather than break up with them.

laughingattheslut said...

I think you already know most of what happened to me, and I'm not going to get into that again here.

But I do think that it is silly to call it cheating. Cheating is something that you do in high school, and yes, kissing counts as cheating. Adultery and homewrecking are the more correct terms for what happened to me. I don't know what to call something that happens to someone who isn't married. If they weren't married then it really isn't the same thing, but if they were in a long term relationship or thinking that they would become a family, then cheating still doesn't seem to cover that either.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I have.

Yes, it was.

Life isn't always black-and-white.

Anonymous said...

Is it cheating if you both agreed from the get-go that there would come a time when you get bored and need to check out the neighbor's lawn to see if the grass is greener, but will come home when you're done? My bf and I have an "open" relationship. Truthfully, we never really tried to define it in terms of convention. The idea is that, hey, if something interesting comes along, you're free to explore as long as you're safe and smart about it, and come home when you're done. But don't use the option frequently, and it doesn't mean we love each other any less. We're just not jealous, needy people, and we're confident in our relationship's stability. I dunno... it's not a conventional or traditional relationship for sure, but I feel like (at least for me) I'm less inclined to wander if it's not some rule I can break? *shrug*