Monday, June 23, 2008

What A Difference A Year Makes

I celebrated my one year anniversary on Weight Watchers on June 13. It is amazing to me how much my life has changed. It is hard for me to put down everything that has changed for me, but I will do my best.

The biggest change is obviously my weight. I have lost over 93 pounds. That is more than the average 4th grader. I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 12/14. Even my shoe size has gone from a 9 1/2 wide to a 9 medium.

I went from someone who could barely walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath to someone who can work out for an hour and leave feeling energized with sweat dripping off me. I have learned to enjoy working out, especially Zumba.

Some things are easier, some are harder. I enjoy wearing more feminine clothing. I don't have to struggle to find things that fit and look nice anymore. I know what looks good on my body and what isn't flattering.

There are things about my body that I really think are sexy. My waist, collarbones, neck, and butt. Things that I still don't like and don't think I ever will are my arms, thighs and excess skin. There are parts of my body that look like they are melting but I do my best to accentuate the positives so that no one notices the negatives.

My confidence level has increased 100% but I still have a hard time believing compliments. When people call me skinny, all I can think of is that I still have 45 pounds to lose. I tend to discount how far I have come and concentrate on how far I still have to go. When people are impressed with how much I have lost, I tend to downplay it and act like it isn't a big deal. I don't feel pride in my accompliment to date because I am still a work in progress like an artist working on a masterpiece.

I fit into and onto things that I either couldn't or felt very uncomfortable. Chairs have extra room rather than me squeezing into them and overflowing out of them. Painting my toenails doesn't require the talents of a contortionist. Tying my shoes doesn't cause me to get out of breath from squishing my lungs to reach my feet.

I am wearing a bikini top at the pool and feel totally comfortable in it. I don't feel like I have to cover up as much of my body as possible. I don't show it off, but I wear cute, fitted clothing that I wouldn't have ever been able to wear at 287 pounds.

As much as I have changed, a lot of me has remained the same. I still have the same friends, still have the same job and like to do many of the same things that I used to. Of course I have new interests to compliment the old ones, but I love that there are so many opportunities and options available now that I was either unable or unwilling to try.

I am so excited to be traveling next month to Seattle. This will be the first time on a plane for me since I have been below 255. I look forward to not having to sqeeze into the seat and overflowing into Devon's space.

This summer I plan to go to Michigan's Adventure and ride the Wild Cat. Last time I went, I couldn't get the belt buckled and had to get off and stand there waiting for the rest of my group while they rode it.

I can't believe what a year, determination and focus has brought me.

Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me, listened to what I had to say and basically picked me up, dusted me off and got me back on track when I veered off or faltered.

My next project is to do a diversity presentation at work about obesity. It is something that I never would have done a year ago. Now I can't wait.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

A Phone Call That Changed Everything

I was talking to my mom yesterday and she gave me some really bad news. Something that I was hoping wouldn't happen. We were hoping for the best, but unfortunately that wasn't to be.

My Nana has pancreatic cancer.

A few months ago she had a CT Scan and there was a lesion on her pancreas but it wasn't clear what it was. They decided to wait a few months and do another scan.

The results came in on Tuesday evening. My mom is a nurse and when she got the call in the evening she knew that it wasn't good. Apparently they only call at night when it is really bad. They told her that it was probably cancer (about a 99% chance) and that it had spread to the lymph node system as well.

Last week my mom had purchased airline tickets for her, Nana and my step-father to fly out here for Christmas. Nana will more than likely be gone by then.

When Mom told Nana the prognosis on Wednesday morning her response was "Well, shit!" and then went on to say how she hadn't been feeling well for a long time. Soon after, she resumed her daily routine of puttering out in the flower beds and the garden.

Nana is 86 years old and has lived a long, full life. She had 3 kids, 7 grandkids and numerous great grand children. My grandfather passed away over 25 years ago and Nana never remarried.

We will be out to see her next month. Mom says she will probably still be around but that they aren't going to do anything invasive or debilitating to try and prolong her life. Her health is frail and it would probably just kill her sooner.

As hard as it is, I will be helping my mom with Nana's funeral plans. Nana told us that we could do whatever we wanted since she wasn't going to be there anyway.

I have decided that I want to do a photo montage with songs from every era of Nana's life to celebrate her life and the things that made her so special. I hope that I can do even a modicum of justice to an incredible woman who I respect and love immensely.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

How Do I Say This Delicately????

Screw it!!!!!!

I AM UNDER 200 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.