Thursday, July 09, 2009

What Happens When You Hit A Soccer Ball Into A Net?

You make GOAL!!!!!

Yup! After just over 2 years, I have met my Weight Watchers goal.

Starting Weight: 287.5
Current Weight: 154.2

Total lost:133.3 pounds

I started at a size 24 and currently wear a size 8. I wore a 9.5 wide shoe and currently wear a 8.5 - 9 regular. My ring size went from a 10.5 to a 7.

How did I do it? A ton of support from friends, family and folks at the 100+ pounds to lose board on the WW website. Understanding and accepting why I got so fat in the first place and realizing that I didn't have to life my life in a self imposed prison. A determination that I honestly had no idea existed within me and the admiration and respect that I earned not only from other people, but from within too.

When I started this journey (that will never really end and I am totally ok with that) I never really thought that I would get to goal. I thought I would give it a shot. I told myself I would be thrilled to get to a size 16. I haven't been in a single digit size since junior high and it seemed totally unattainable. I had heard people use the phrase over and over again "If I can do it, you can do it." and I never really bought into it. Didn't really believe that anyone was as far down the road of obesity that I was and was able to turn it around to the point where I was at a healthy weight. Here I sit two years later telling you "If I can do it, so can you."

Something that I used to do, and hide from people, was a few times per week I would hit the McDonald's drive thru and get 2 double cheeseburgers, 2 medium fries and a medium chocolate shake. I would drive home, usually eating the first medium fry and then sit at home, eating the rest of the food mindless bite by mindless bite. By the time I was done, I would be uncomfortably full and would have to take a nap because I was so tired.

The heavier I got, the more tired I became and the more I would eat. The more I ate, the more I slept. The more I slept, the more depressed I would become and would turn to food to feel better. It was a vicious cycle of food, inactivity, boredom and depression.

There are times that I still feel like FFR (Former Fat Rachel). There are days that I am bored, tired and hungry. Are there days that I lose control and binge? Absolutely. But, the binges are far smaller than they used to be and fewer and farther between than they used to be.

I remember a couple of weeks ago I binged on cherries, saltine crackers and 2% cheese. I went over my points for the day and the week, but I tracked it all and the next day I stuck to my points. I know that there are always going to be days that I eat out of control, but I always accept responsibility for my actions and do not give myself a free pass to eat out of control the next day, or even the next meal.

People tell me that I inspired them. Some people have joined WW because they saw me on my journey. Most of them gave up and quit. It used to really upset me but now I realize that they aren't ready yet. When they are truly ready, nothing will be able to stop them. I can't take responsibility for their failures or choices. I can only accept responsibility for my own. Don't get me wrong, I was and will be as supportive as all get out, but I won't take the blame for them not being able to do what I did. I used to get frustrated, but I have to worry about myself and not allow them to upset my applecart.

Is my life a lot different? Some aspects of it is and most are not. I still think about food all the time, but instead of eating everything that I want, when I want, I plan my meals for the most part. I always bring breakfast and lunch with me to work and very rarely deviate from what I brought. I don't eat out nearly as much as I used to and when I do eat out, I tend to find something point friendly and stick with it. I almost never eat fried foods and eat a lot of fresh fruit and veggies.

I still love to watch television and will still eat in bed sometimes. Now I work it into my program rather than eating everything that isn't tied down. I will eat a 1 point mini bag of popcorn or a vita muffin instead of a big bowl of ice cream with cookies or brownies and hot fudge.

It is all about choices, not sacrifice. I choose to eat food that keeps me on track. I can also choose to have a decadent slice of chocolate cake, as long as I either plan for it, or accommodate it into the program. It isn't rocket science, it is more like 4th grade science. I know that this is for the rest of my life and am happy to embrace the challenge.

I still have work to do and work to have done....anyone who loses this much weight has issues with loose skin and my poor girls are truly, truly sad deflated reflections of what they used to be. I would rather deal with saggy skin than skin filled with fat, but if anyone knows a good plastic surgeon that does pro bono work, throw a girl a bone okay??? LOL

Me with my leader Lisa