Thursday, March 01, 2007

Breaking Your Vagina Won't Get You Hired By The Circus

When I was a kid (around 5 or 6) my family went to the circus for the first time. I was giddy with excitement. The thought of seeing the elephants, people riding on the back of horses, and being up close to lions was almost more than I could handle.
We arrived early and found our seats. We were in the bleacher seats and were about 15 rows up. My brother and sister were climbing around playing some kind of bleacher style tag and I decided to join in. I started to chase my brother and slipped on something wet. I tried to stop my fall but was unsuccessful.
I had one foot on one side of the bleacher and one foot on the other side so I was unable to catch myself. I slipped really hard and landed on the edge of the front bleacher right in between my legs. On my vajayjay.
Oh the pain. It blasted through my body and I screamed at the top of my lungs and black spots danced before my eyes. My mother grabbed me and held me while the throbbing agony continued.
As the pain subsided I was able to catch a breath and told my mom that I was OK. It hurt like the dickens but had finally petered out to a throbbing, dull ache.
We watched the performers and I thoroughly enjoyed the circus until it was over.
When we were leaving my mom took my sister and I to the bathroom so that we didn’t have to stop on the car ride home. I went into my own stall to go but when I went it burned and there was some blood in my panties and on the paper when I wiped.
I called to my mother and she brought me into the handicapped stall and tried to see if there was anything wrong. She thought that she saw a small scratch but that was it. I pulled up my panties and we went home.
When we got home my mother had me lay down on the bed so that she could make sure that it wasn’t anything serious. I was really young so I wasn’t embarrassed at all. I spread my legs open so that she could take a look.
Sure enough, I had broken my vajayjay. I had a gash between my inner and outer labia that was deep enough to need stitches.
My mom told me that we were going to go to the emergency room and put me into different clothing. She made me wear this really itchy wool jumper dress with a turtleneck underneath.
I grabbed my Madeline book and went with my mom to the car and drove to the hospital. I received a horribly painful shot to numb the area and was told to lay on the gurney until it was completely numb.
I don’t remember much of the hospital visit other than laying there in my itchy dress with my legs spread while a male doctor was stitching me up while I read my Madeline book.
All I can say is Thank God that they had already invented dissolving stitches. Everything healed fine and although I haven’t really looked, I don’t think that there is a scar of any kind.


minijonb said...

It's good to hear you didn't need a vajayjay transplant... that could have had some complications.

dmarks said...

Ouch! Thanks for the tasteful image selections.

Moonbeam said... I can imagine that is something you would never forget. My vajayjay is doing lil' ouchie thingies just thinking bout that situation.

Playtah said...

OW!!!!!!!! I totally did that in elementary, although it wasn't bad enough to warrant stitches. But it hurt like the devil. I was so embarrassed where I'd hurt myself, though, that I held my stomach and told people that's what I hurt.
There was also a little blood. Stupid pain!!!!!!

Tara said...

I now remember you posting a little bit of that story on my "childhood injuries" blog post, and I remember squirming at the amount of pain you must have experienced, and I squirmed while reading the story on your blog. Yikes with a capital Y!! I like how casual you were, reading the book while they stitched you up. :)

l.b. said...

OMG, good writing because I can totally feel the pain!

Rachel said...

Minijonb ~ I have heard that Vajayjay transplants are quite painful. Almost as painful as getting your peter removed.

Dmarks ~ Glad you like them. I was soooo tempted to put an anatomy photos up there but decided not to. This is a family friendly blog afterall...I think.

moonbeam ~ When I really think about it I alway have to go pee. Crazy huh?

Playtah ~ Another strange thing in common. What are the odds?

Tara ~ I remember being totally chill. No crying or anything. I was totally into my book and was actually a bit bored hoping they would just hurry up and be done.

l.b. ~ Thanks. I cringed a bit while writing it.

dmarks said...

I knew there was something missing from this account. Eventually I figured out what it was: clowns. No account that involves the circus and blood is complete without clowns.

Rachel said...

dmarks ~ You noticed that I didn't reference clowns huh? I am not scared of them, but I am not fond of them either. They are kinda creepy.

Indiana said...

You haven't really looked???

You mean you wrote this post about the breaking your vag and the possibility of a scar and you didn't get a hand mirror and check?

We need an update, stat.

reformattingmybrain said...

I seriously cannot even imagine the pain. I've done the whole falling onto the bar on a boys bike. But needing stitches because it was so bad! OMG!

Sizzle said...

that's one hell of a story.


my vagina hurts in sympathy.

Rachel said...

Indiana ~ You old pervy dog! lol...the only decent hand mirror that I have is a 10x one.
I am NOT going to check out my vajayjay with that thing.

Reformat ~ The pain was slightly similar to that but a bit sharper.

Sizzle ~ My vagina appreciates the sympathy :)

M said...

good lord, that made me cross my legs!

Eric said...

I was going to make a joke about popping cherries but thats just inappropriate and gross. Question: does get hit in the vag hurt like getting kicked in the nuts? Because getting kicked in the nuts is pretty awful.

laughingattheslut said...

And how would we know what getting kicked in nuts is like to compare the two?

Anybody reading this have both?

expat@large said...

Reminds me: I had a friend who lost her virginty at her primary school sports, not quite making it over the hurdles... ouch.

Rachel said...

M ~ I wish I would have crossed my legs before I fell. then it would have been something about a concussion or such.

Eric ~We have lots of nerve endings down there too so I am sure the pain is comparable. It is just harder to hit the right way to enjoy the pain.

laughingattheslut ~ If there are any hermaphrodites that read my blgo I am totally unaware.

Expat@large ~ This didn't pop my cherry thank goodness. Was that girl ok?

David in DC said...


Next time I have to go for a big boy physical, when it comes time for the part most men cringe at, I'm pulling out a copy of Madelaine, leaning forward on my elbows, dropping trou and seeing if it buys me a psychiatric referral.

Anonymous said...

If you need an inspection I am sure there are people who would help.

Sideon said...

How in gawd's name have I missed your blog?

I'm blog smitten - totally and completely.

Babybull40 said...

And here I thought that ripping my thigh open on a rusty nail hurt.. oouchiessssss..

Erica said...

This sounds so scary, and you were only a little girl. How brave to not complain at all much.
Must be so so painful, I cannot imagine.