1. Encourage communication between the exes for the benefit of the child.
2. Treat your step child as your own.
3. Respect the parenting choices of the other parent as long as they are not harmful to the child.
4. Include the step child in family activities.
5. Never say negative things about the other parent, especially in front of the child.
6. Do not use the child as a message service.
7. Treat the other parent with kindness, even if you don’t like them.
8. Celebrate the step child’s achievements as you would your own children’s.
9. Make sure that the step child has their own space so they feel equal to your other children.
10. Never call the step child names or make fun of them maliciously.
11. Always remember that the child is loved by your spouse as much and the ones that you have had together.
D wasn't blessed with a phenomenal step-parent. In fact, if you add these together she would achieve a big, whopping zero.
When I picked D up from his grandparent's yesterday I asked him how his weekend was and he told me that it was horrible.
Apparently the step-monster wouldn't let him call my "fat-ass" because she knew that if D did that I would come and pick him up. D's dad was at work and D wanted to come home.
She regularly tells him that he is fat and stupid and calls me the most colorful names. I do the best that I can to diffuse the issue with D and explain to him that her actions are based out of jealousy and fear. He understands and I don't think that he really takes it very personally anymore.
I used to try really hard to not say anything negative but after 4 years of trying really hard and seeing the hurtful impact that her actions had on D I decided that I wasn't going to play nice anymore. I tell D exactly the kind of person that she is so that he doesn't take her venom to heart.
If she ever crosses the line into abuse (which is a huge fear of mine) she will be arrested and put in jail so fast her head will spin. I won't pull any punches.
At this point, I just have to make sure that my son has the emotional tools to protect himself from her evilness.