Monday, September 25, 2006

I Feel Like A Moldy Lemon - Old & Bitter

I am sitting here at my desk trying to think about something to blog about. My life is so blah. Stuck in a rut. People whom I haven't seen for a while ask me how things are going and my response is always the same "Same ole, same ole".
WTF??? When did life become so freakin' predictable? I get up every morning and get ready for work. 80% of the time my hair is up because it isn't worth the time and effort to wear it down.
There isn't really anyone to impress anyway. It isn't like my clients actually see me. I sit in a fucking cubicle that is about 6x6 (that is smaller than a jail cell people) and talk on the phone all day long. Have I mentioned lately that I have been at the same job for so long I could do it in my sleep?
When I start to dream about work then it is definitely time to get the hell out of Dodge.
I got one of those cutesy emails today. Something along the lines of "respond to me with one word that you think describes me and then send this to your friends to see what responses you will get". So I bite. Don't have anything better to do anyway. I send the email to my friend who sent it to me and then sent it BCC to all of my friends.
Holy shit. About 70% are co-workers. When did that happen? When did work become my social life? No wonder I can't find a date. All the men that I work with are either married, WAY too young or losers. There are a few notable exceptions but I always end up being "the friend".
The friend???? WTF?? What happened to the girl that used to play men left and right? Oh... I know. I had a kid.
If you want something that will put a crimp in your social life like no other - have a kid.
Don't get me wrong. I love D to the depths of my soul and wouldn't wish for a moment that I didn't have him. But shortfry has seriously diminished the number of guys that would have considered me dateable. I am now a "package deal".
What is it about kids that scares men off like a bat shit ice cream cone? I know that there is some cro-magnon thing about not wanting to raise another mans child or some shit like that but to me that is a cop-out. Look how many blended families there are.
Why is it that the only men that say that they would date me are all gay? If I hear "Girl, if I was straight I would totally date you" one more time I might just rip off their unused testicles and shove them down their throat. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my gay friends, but that shit sure isn't conducive to finding a straight man. I go to a dinner party and they are all fruity as flies. More estrogen flying around than I had when I was 9 months pregnant.
I have decided that 80% of men are cowards. They are like anonymous commenters. All they want to do is hit and run. They want the rewards but none of the work. What happened to the men that want to in a realtionship? Oh yeah, by my age they are married which takes them totally off my radar.
Being almost 33 and a single mom really sucks. I am starting hit what would be termed middle age and seriously people when you say that 40 is the new 30? Doesn't make me feel ANY better. God I hate this shit!


Tara said...

Oh I'm so with you on the wearing my hair up thing. I would wear my hair down, but it will only behave for a few seconds before it goes out of control and I look like "Rosanne Rosanna-Rosanna Danna" from the old Saturday Night Live skits.

And most of my friends are coworkers, and yet I wouldn't go out drinking with too many of them.

Tara said...

Oh and I have had a few dreams about work. One time I dreamed that we were having a staff meeting on a ship in the middle of an icy ocean. Our receptionist wasn't invited though. She had to stay and screen phone calls.

allan said...

If it is any consolation (I am sure it won't be) single dads have the same problem. I cannot tell you the number of times I have met a woman, sparked her interest only to see that look in her eyes when she finds out that I have my son 5 days a week.

Or, I get past that point and go out with her then she finds out it will be two weeks before we can go out again...

Oh, and as far as dating single moms. I love it except the way our schedules work we wind up going out once every 6 months ;).

Anonymous said...

I would first like to point out that there is absolutely no point in doing your hair (especially where we work)!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and Secondly, you have to know when to call it quits! Being at a job that doesn't challenge you mentally means your not applying yourself. You are one of a kind. Special, beautiful, and very smart are just some of your amazing attributes(who has a kid and he's just as great as you... big deal that just means your really responsible). You'll know when that special someone comes along and everything will fall into place, believe me carma is on your side for sure!!!!!!!!

Velvet said...

We all have days, weeks, months like this. You need a vacation, or a change of scenery. Or both.

Sure for a lot of guys who don't have kids, they don't want to be insta-dads. But you will be an "exception" to one man, you will be the one who he just adores your child, because he adores you, and that will be the man who was worth waiting for. I've seen it 100 times over, you'll get there. But you may need to leave the mitten state.

Rachel said...

Tara ~ I have similar hair which is why I wear it up all the time. I have used the Roseanne Roseanna-Danna example a few times myself.
Work dreams are the worst. I have to be here 8 hours a day. I certainly don't want to dream about it too.

Allan ~ I would be totally fine dating a single dad. Who better to understand my situation.
Part of my problem is that there aren't really any good singles groups and the dating scene in West Michigan isn't hopping by any stretch of the imagination.

Anon ~ Thanks Doll! You are pretty special yourself.

Velvet ~ If I could get the hell out of Michigan I would do it. I stay because as much as I have issues with D's dad regarding child support, using D as a bargaining tool etc, he is his dad and he does exercise visitation time regularly. Also it is in the court papers that I can't remove D's residence from the state of Michigan without a court order. I have to put my son's well being over my own every day of the week.

funny girl (playtah) said...

I'm kind of in a rut too....restless....on the edge of something bigger...

You keep me sane. :)

Rachel Heather said...

awww babe we all get stuck in a rut sometimes

i was in one for the last few months!

i say you need a vacation!!!!

Rachel said...

Funny Girl (Playtah) ~ You keep me sane too. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you to laugh at...wait..that came out

Rachel Heather ~ I have 10 days of vacation in November. I am going home to visit the famn damily. LOTS of single men out there. Maybe I can get a little love and tenderness while I am out there.

reformattingmybrain said...

Wow - I'm so glad somebody else out there thinks about hair like I do. Not worth the time and effort. You'll most likely find me in a hat, as I work at home - so I see NOBODY. Gets very boring sometimes - although I'm busier than busy can be - I'm a drafter. Also a single mother, however luck was with me when I met my boyfriend - he's super sweet and excellent with my son. He is divorced and has a daughter of his own tho too. So that's a differnet situation. It definitly sounds like you need a change of scenery!

ryan. said...

hey. i'm not going to pretend i can identify with the terms of being a single mother, i cannot. and although you already have what seems to be quite the collection of supportive friends, I'd like to toss my own mix into the... well, mix. ha.

I feel like you've lost a sense of passion. From what I read in this entry (and I know, one entry does not define the woman), you really need something to get excited about. Dry day in, day out work is such a terrible thing, and I can agree with you there. And having to support another really restricts your options of what to do about it, but, what I've learned in my few years of life, is that sometimes, the best thing that can ever happen to you is for you to hit rock bottom. There is nothing better in life for you to look around, and then realize that you've completely lost your taste for everything. Because, it's only when you realize you're in a "rut" that you can start getting yourself out of it. Set goals. Aspire to move forward in life. I find that painting helps me, perhaps something similar can help you. Find something that you can create, and you feel pasisonate about, and then start plugging away.

I hope things improve. :)

Anonymous said...

I feel like this as well sometimes and I for sure put my hair up too most times, because I can't be bothered to do anything with it!! The way I get out of it is I start something that would challenge me and push me forward. I learned to drive at 30 and was very excited at the beginning. Maybe you should try some evening classes, something that you have always wanted to do or learn, I don't know, Spanish or Salsa dancing or photography. It will be a great way to meet guys too and you could leave your son with your ex for one or two evenings a week.
You deserve to meet a great guy and maybe it will happen when you least expect a Spanish class perhaps :)

Rachel said...

Reformat ~ I actually wore my hair down yesterday but it is back up today.

Ryan ~ I haven't ever really found anything to be very passionate about. I have a very blase attitude about many things. I wish that I could find wasn't just a passing phase.

Erica~ I have been seriously contemplating going to college to get my Bachelor's Degree. Maybe then I can find my passion.
We have a business college that my work is affiliated with and I could get a good discout plus tuition reimbursement from work too.
I took 2 years of spanish class in high school. Maybe I should consider that for one of my electives.