Tuesday, January 30, 2007

What Little Sympathy I Felt Was Flushed Down The Toilet

After spending two hours getting ready for the club it was after 10 PM. I call Funny Girl and she sounds exasperated that it took me so long to call her. I apologized that it took me so long to call her. We were ready to leave in about 15 minutes and so we discussed whether to meet there or go together. Dolly was driving separately as she was supposed to go out hot tubbing with friends after and although I was invited had declined the invitation. Funny Girl asked me to pick her up so that we could go together.

I do have to backtrack here and say that I was already in a slightly grumpy mood. It was that time of the month and although I had hoped to fit in a nap I was busy all day and had gotten home later than I expected to from spending time with another friend.

I drive and pick up Funny Girl and I was expecting her to be slightly irritated because that was the impression that I got on the phone. When I got there she was all happy, chipper and ready to go. She hops in my car and we go to the club and meet Dolly there.

We go inside and make a beeline for the bar. I order a double Malibu Rum with Coke and Funny Girl orders a Long Island. Dolly gets a beer. We meet up with a couple of other friends that we knew were going to be there. I drank my drink pretty fast because I was driving and it was the only one I was allowing myself to drink. While we were standing there Dave comes over to say hi to Funny Girl. He had gone out on a date with her but since she is not looking to date and he is looking for something serious it never went anywhere. He remembers me and says hi to me too.

We went out and danced a few times as a group. Dolly had a scary looking guy try to come up on her and tried to start booty dancing with her. She kept moving and I pulled her over to the other side, gave the guy the back off glare and he finally left her alone. Funny Girl is just dancing and laughing, having a ball.

We find a vacant table and my feet are killing me at this point (remember the killer shoes?). We go and sit down. I don't have a drink but Dolly and Funny Girl do so when they want to go out and dance again I told them I would watch the drinks.
While I am sitting there Dave comes over and sits down. He laments at how frustrating women are and how he can't figure them out. I respond and tell him that if you lump them all together rather than individually he will never understand them. He then says that he has been trying to find someone for a committed relationship and that it seems that no one wants that. I respond and tell him that I am looking for the same thing so there are women out there that do. He looks at me up and down with a "Hmmm" look on his face. Then he turns away as Funny Girl and Dolly return. Additional conversation ensues between them and the he gets up, indicates that he is leaving and takes off.

Funny Girl has another Long Island but I switch to Sprite. Funny Girl is getting really buzzed and I know that I should have said something to her indicating that she might want to lay off any additional alcohol but I figured that I since I had said something in the past about her tendency to overindulge and to be honest, I didn't want to feel like I was lecturing her or harping on her. I didn't want to have to act like a mom when I was at the club.

We go out and dance a few more times and Funny Girl gets a phone number. I talk to some of my friends who had come separately and Funny Girl dances with another guy. Then we decide to leave and go to IHOP for some pancakes. Funny Girl walks out with the last guy that she danced with while I am saying goodbye to my friends.

Walking out to my car I was alone thinking to myself what a waste that had been. It was nice to see my friends but I don't need to be at the club to see them. I come around the corner and see Funny Girl kissing a guy, leaning up against my car. I walk to my car tempted to set off the alarm to see what they would do because frankly, Funny Girl was oblivious to anything that was going on around her and I was jealous that I didn't have anyone that wanted to kiss me. I walk past her to my side of the car, unlock the door and pull out my coat. She doesn't even realize that I am there until kissing guy's friend walks up to get him. She gets in the car and we have a conversation about making out with a guy and giving him a fake number. Along with everything else it was just another thing that bugged me that night.

Dolly was asked to take another friend home so she said that she would meet me there. IHOP is only a half mile away so Funny Girl and I go in to get a table. We are waiting to be seated and Funny Girl says she is going to the bathroom. I am seated at a table and ask to wait to order until Dolly and Funny Girl get there. I wait and I wait, and I wait, and I wait. Dolly calls me to tell me that she isn't going to make it because she wants to hang out with the friend that she took home. I tell her it is fine (which I was annoyed but didn't tell her at the time) and then wait some more.

After 20 minutes in the bathroom it was apparent that Funny Girl was chuffing so I call her and ask her if she is OK. She says she is and I tell her that Dolly isn't coming and that I have been sitting out there by myself. She says she will be out in a minute. So I wait, and wait, and wait some more. After another 15 minutes I am really pissed. I have gotten a lot of strange looks and am feeling really conspicuous. I get up and go into the bathroom and Funny Girl is still squatted down in the stall facing the toilet.

I can't remember if I asked her how she was feeling. I probably did but at this point I didn't really care. I was upset and felt really foolish. I made a few comments (probably complaining) and then told Funny Girl that I didn't care about eating anymore. I just wanted to go home. She said OK and that it would be another minute. I tell her that I am going out to wait in the car and I walk out the door.

I sit in the car for 15 minutes waiting for Funny Girl to come to the car. There was a part of me that just wanted to leave her there almost as a childish punishment because I was angry, hurt, annoyed and frustrated. Of course I don't leave and Funny Girl comes out to the car, gets in and we take off. While I am driving I am stewing in my own anger, frustration, jealousy and hurt. Funny Girl makes one comment and I respond in a clipped voice. She doesn't say another word and neither do I. I drop her off and she says goodnight and gets out of the car. I don't say anything. I watch to make sure she gets in her apartment and I drive home.

During the drive I try to dissect why I am so mad. I can't decide what the catalyst of my anger is but I am really, really, really mad. I stop at Taco Bell and get some food thinking that I still want pancakes and go home. I get home and am still mad. I eat my food and still, I am mad.

Funny Girl text messages me and writes "I don't know if I've ever made you this angry before. I apologize." I read it and a part of me thinks that I should call her and tell her that it is OK, but I am still pissed off and so I go to bed and don't reply to her text message.

Funny Girl and I did talk and work things out. I explained that I didn't want to act like "mom" around her and tell her how much she could drink but that she has to set those limits herself. Funny Girl said that she knows her limit but then she just decided to have more and maybe in a way she wanted me to show how much I care for her by telling her that it wasn't OK. She said that she felt like she was being manipulative and that she felt really bad about it. We worked everything out and everything is all good.

I know that a lot of this was my own expectations not being met and that since I was moody and slightly overly-sensitive that day that I tended to overreact to what was going on and things that normally wouldn't have bothered me really pissed me off. That is my fault. I became judgemental about my friends and deemed that their behavior wasn't what I expected of them so I got angry. I have to learn that it doesn't matter what kind of day I am having. If I would have leaned on my friends rather than judging them I would have had a much better time.

15 comments:

The Furtive Wangler said...

What a horrid night, you describe it painfully well. I've had experiences in clubs when I've just felt like an appendage to a friend and a party pooper, horrible nights that still make me shudder. It will all come right for you - just takes time. Have a virtual hug from me, flower. You'll have a great time next week, you'll see...

reformattingmybrain said...

Dang woman! That sounds like NO fun at all :-( I always end up being the one who sounds like everybody's Mom. Hope the next time is MUCH better for you and you can enjoy yourself and your friends company.

Tara said...

I get angry with a few of my friends because they are talkers and I'm not and they wind up spending more time with people who talk just as much as they do. I get disgusted and want to go home, but most of that is because I'm jealous that I'm not more outgoing. I agree with FW, next time will be better.

Playtah/funny girl said...

Yeah, I didn't deserve much sympathy.

I'm sorry you didn't have a good time.

Good toilet picture, by the way.

David in DC said...

OK. I didn't like this guy when he was nameless.

Now it's personal.

I can't add more to what's been said above.

But I can pile on.

{{Rachel}}

Also, you sure are an evocative writer. I admire that.

Wanderlusting said...

That's what happens when you are the designated driver...you get to see how bloody annoying your friends really are when drunk!

I understand how you feel though...I was never one for one night stands, let alone random makeouts at the bar, so it would ALWAYS piss me off when I would come with a girlfriend and she would fuck off and start making out with a guy. It bugged me that I wasn't "loose" enough to pull that kind of shit and also, I was now left alone in the club.

And being alone in a night club is not a good place to be at!

Moonbeam said...

Why not go thirdzees on a Taxi next time. That way you can enjoy yourself and go with whatever comes up. Being a designated driver kinda puts limitations on your night out, in all kindsa ways.
This guy you talk about is obviously just out there playing games...ingore him! Mr.Right will pop up when you least expect him.

l.b. said...

I really identified with this post, Rachel. I often feel put into sort of the "mother" position and I end up feeling resentful, when really it is up to me to decide if I will play that role or not. Next time will be better :-)

Rachel said...

Furtive ~ I have felt like the unnecessary appendage many times.
You called me flower ~ I heart you Furtive!!

Reformat ~ The mom role is frustrating. I AM a mom and most of my friends aren't so I tend to naturally fall into that role or am placed in that role even when I don't want to.

Tara ~ I am the friend that hauls her quiet friend around. I hate feeling left out so I try really hard not to do that to my friends.

Funny Girl ~ Next time will be better since you already said that you will drive.

David In DC ~ I didn't correlate the two until you said that it was personal. I appreciate the cyber hug.

Lusty~ I felt alone but was never actually physically alone except when I sat at the table by myself of when I was walking out.
I haven't ever gotten down and dirty making out with someone at the club. I tend to be self-conscious so unless I was in a dark empty corner I wouldn't do it. I have been tempted a few times though.

Moonbeam ~ A taxi would be great except that we all live in different directions and Dolly and I live about 25 - 35 minute drive. We are both in rural areas.

l.b. ~ I love being a mom but mom & sexy don't go together in my mind. I know that there are some milfs out there but I just don't put mom and sex together. Makes me think of my own mother having sex. Just typing that made me cringe.

Basic Theology said...

in a recent situation i myself was also put into that circumstance. 'cept i'm a dude, so, i didn't feel like a mom. i just felt like a sober, unimportant useless man. then, because i was already glum, i started getting all shady about all my friends, because they were all drunk, and i got jealous and anyways, long story short, being sober when everyone is drunk is hard. especially when you're already feeling blue. people are funny in that way, you know? some nights, we just need people to pay more attention to us than other nights, and then when we don't get it, and they make us feel ignored, then we just feel worse about it.

IDENTIFY WITH RACH COMPLETE!!!! NOW I WILL STOP COMMENTING!!!! AND DRINK SOME PEACH JUICE!!!

Erica said...

I agree with basic theology, being sober when all your friends are drunk is very depressing. Especially if they are having a great time. Lately I have been the designated driver because I want to practice driving and I am not a big drinker, but after my one allowed drink, I do get quite bored and think 'What am I doing here?!'
I admire that you were able to sort out your feelings with funny girl, I am always so shy of confrontation that it would have been hard for me.

Playtah/funny girl said...

Rachel and I are pretty good at communicating and talking things out.

In my defense about the drinking and kissing thing, I never touched alcohol until 3 months after my 21st birthday - and even then, I didn't really drink measurably until around 23. I never partied in high school or college, and I'd never been "out dancing" until this past year. And I'm a 26-year old virgin (by choice), so kissing is the only affection I get from the opposite sex. I'm not a bad person, just had a bad night. Sorry Rach!

Rachel said...

Basic ~ You wrote in 2 paragraphs what it took me an entire post to write.

Erica ~ Funny Girl and I have really good communication. She used to ask me all the time if I was annoyed with her and she finally learned that I would let her know. She can tell now when I am upset.

Playtah/Funny Girl ~ We became friends when you were 22. I guess I am not a very good influence on you.
You are an extremely moral person and in no way does the post that I wrote reflect who you are as a whole. Far from it. If this is the only thing that I got really angry about in 4 years (which most of it wasn't caused by you) then we are doing pretty great.
Love you chica!!!

Dennis said...

Rachel:
I had to think long and hard about what I wanted to say in response to this so take this as coming from a friend and not as a judgement. Were you frustrated with yourself for lack of prospects or angry at playtah for her having one right then? If you are unhappy that you didn't get the same play that someone else did or are to restrained to take the chances that they are, then don't take it out on other people. Use it as an experience to learn from. From what you wrote it almost sounds like you started the night with a chip on your shoulder and since everything didn't go your way it just made what was a little bit of an annoying situation almost unbearable. Life is what happens when other things are planned. Someone much smarter than I said that originally and I just stole it.
Don't keep the victim mentality. It will only get worse and get you into trouble. Also becareful of manipulating people. This sounds like you are trying to get sympathy from playtah and others so that they do what you want. Since I know you from sitting next to you at work for too long I can say this is not the type of person that you try to be and it looks like it happened for a night. Have confidence in yourself and you will attract the right guy for you and D. Just because you are a mother doesn't mean that you can't have fun to. Take your turn as the dd and then someone else will look out for you and wait in the car while you upchuck. Remeber it is a pain to get out of car upholstery so do it outside.
Playtah:
Sounds like you started to get your freak on. My only advice is don't drink until you are stupid. You will regret it.

Rachel said...

Dennis ~ What is wrote about is how I perceived what was going on that night. My perception is skewed by my own experiences, paranoia and fears.
Did it make sense? Of course not. Did I have a chip on my shoulder? I don't think that I did, but I was in a moderately bad mood and it felt like everything was piling up one on top of another so that it became a big pile of crap.
You know that I tend to be a positive thinking person. I always try to point out the good points.
That night was a definite off night for me.