I have a lot of thought and emotions roiling in my brain right now. Fear, anger and sadness are the easily definable emotions. The thoughts and underlying feelings are harder to put into words.
When I heard about the shootings at Virginia Tech I was in the cafeteria at work getting breakfast and it was breaking news about 1 person being killed. I thought to myself how sad it was and continued to get my food and then went back to my desk.
Later in the afternoon I went to the news site and it said that 33 people were killed. Thirty three!! In some ways this seems a monumental number and in others it seems microscopic.
When I think of the families that lost their loved ones and a school that lost their teachers and students it seem so monumental. I wonder how people will work through it.
Then I think about people living in Israel and how this happens on a regular basis. People going and doing regular things being killed. Innocent people murdered by someone that they don't even know.
I think about the Iraqi's who are blown to smithereens by a suicide bomber or by a random bullet. Thousands and thousands have been killed. Doing every day things. Shopping, going to school, riding a bus.
Is our loss greater then theirs?
Maybe it seems like this loss is so much bigger because it is closer to home. Most of us know people in college or the parents of children in college.
I have a child in 3rd grade and so far we haven't had any incidences of guns or knives being brought to school. But is it just a matter of time?
What can I do to teach my son to be careful but not terrify him to a point where he is unable to function?
What would I do if he was a victim?
What would I do if he was the perpetrator?
This brings my biggest fears to head.
The fear of losing my son. Whether at the hands of someone else or by demons inside.
I don't know if I could survive it. Would I even want to?