Having Fun Making A Fool Of Myself

Every Wednesday D goes to his dad's house. That means that I have a free evening during the week to relax, do non-kid related things, run errands or whatever I choose.
Almost every week I do the same thing. I go out to sing karaoke with friends.
A couple of friends/co-workers of mine (Rebecca & Jen) run Wednesday night karaoke at a total hole-in-the-wall bar in downtown Grand Rapids called The Nite Cap. There are usually an variety of co-workers, friends and regulars that come . I have officially become a regular at the Nite Cap.
A couple of my favorite regulars are TJ & Heather. I don't know them outside of the karaoke bar but they seem to be cool people. TJ usually comes with a Misfits t-shirt on wearing all black. He has 3 inch plugs in his ears, lots of tattoos and piercings. He likes to sing a lot of songs that I am not familiar with but I can get him to sing the occasional Gorillaz song. Heather has shoulder length black hair, two lip piercings and usually wears lots of eye liner and lipstick and likes to sing No Doubt and Alanis Morrisette songs. Both are decent singers so I don't mind when they sing. They are very friendly and we have a lot of fun even though I am pretty sure that we live lives that are completely different.
Ron is an older gentleman that comes in the bar quite often. He has a full head of thick white hair and usually sits at the bar alone talking to the bartender. He will get up and sing Frank Sinatra songs along with a particular favorite of mine Mack The Knife. I don't know what his home life is like but he seems to be a sweet but lonely man.
Of course we have to have the bar asshole who doesn't use his real name. He goes by Too Good. Too bad that he sucks. He is cocky and likes to sing power ballads like Dead Or Alive by Bon Jovi. He gets mad if he has to wait too long between songs and walks around like he owns the place. He has a true Napoleon complex and is a total wanker. He is up there for every group song and he MUST hold the microphone so that his voice is just a LITTLE bit louder than everyone elses.
Then there is Erica, Lawrence and Andy. Erica and Lawrence are married and friends of Jen. Andy is Erica's brother. They are the true group that makes the karaoke experience priceless. Lawrence goes by Bam Bam and is a big, burly teddy bear like man in his late 20's or early 30's. He shaves his head and always wears a baseball cap. He leaves it to Andy, Erica and whomever else to select songs for him to sing. Most of the time we pick the most absurd, awkward or unusual songs. Bam Bam will perform with gusto and confidence even while singing lyrics like:

I'm a little lamb who's
lost in the woods
I know I could
Always be good
If someone would
Watch over me

Althought Erica and Andy never sing they are really fun to talk to and we have a lot of laughs and great fun while sitting around our table drinking beer (I drink Amaretto Sours) shooting the breeze and watching people perform.
I love to get up and sing and I have a lot of fun. I took singing lessons and was always in choir during school. I don't have a smoky, bluesy voice so there are songs that I just can't do justice to. I prefer to sing ballads because I just can't keep up with fast paced songs. Lately I have been mixing in some Christmas music and trying a few new songs.
Some of the songs that I regularly sings are:
Black Velvet - Allanah Myles (I just figured out a couple of months ago that this song was about Elvis)
More Than Words - Extreme
No Rain - Blind Melon
Careless Whisper - Wham!
Open Arms - Journey
Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benatar
Girls Night Out - The Judds

I will sometimes toss in some Celine Dion or Whitney Houston but by far my favorite one is Black Velvet.
Last night Andy decided to put a song in for me. Knowing that he has a penchant for putting in songs that are funny and raunchy (he once made me sing My Ding-A-Ling by Chuck Berry) I decided to have fun with it. They didn't want me to know what the song was until I got up and sang so I sat there for about 45 minutes trying to figure out what song it could be.
I was talking to Erica about the song choice and said to her " As long as I don't have to sing that I smell like rotten fish or something like that I will be fine." She laughed and said that it wasn't about rotten fish but that Andy has been wanting someone to sing this song ever since they started coming to the bar for karaoke. All he would say to me was "When you get up there just own the song. Just own it and it will be great."
They finally call my name and I go up and take the microphone. Once the song title comes up everyone starts to laugh including me. It was a song that I had never heard of but figured that I would go way over the top and make it satirical. I vamped it up and sang with gusto to much laughter and applause when I was done. I took a bow and then went and sat down while laughter still resounded in the bar. I mean, it isn't every day that you hear someone sing a song by the famous singer Fanny Pack.
Since they are so funny, I thought that I would let you read the lyrics for yourself and picture a 33 year old woman lyrically rapping to the fantastic strains of this very famous song.


Camel Toe

by Fanny Pack

um hmm thats right
uh huh uh huh uh huh
um hmm thats right
uh huh uh huh uh huh

walking down the street
something caught my eye
a growing epidemic
that really ain't fly

a middle aged lady
i gotta be blunt
her spandex biker shorts
were creepin up the front

I could see her uterus
her pants were too tight
She must've owned panties
that were not in sight

She walked right by
the poor woman didn't know
She had a frontal wedgie
a Camel Toe

[Chorus]
um hmm thats right
uh huh oh no
fix yourself girl
you got a Camel Toe
um hmm thats right
uh huh oh no
fix yourself girl
you got aCamel Toe

girl thats gotta hurt
take some time and adjust
can't you see people staring
and making a fuss

could not believe my eyes
had to take a second glance
is your crotch hungry girl
cause its eating your pants

do you enjoy the comotion
and attention it brings
the only lips i wanna see
are the ones that sing

in public putting on
an x rated show
grossin people out
with your Camel Toe

[Repeat Chorus]

first day of spring
and by the looks of things
these girls have forgot
how to dress

a little quick to wearin
wearin pum pum shorts
and its causin me much distress
whoomp there it is
yeha right in the front
everybody come and get a good look

i can see everything
through the panty cling
every cranny and every nook
you better take a quick minute
before you step outside
and check the area thats pubic
or you'll get your panties
all up in a bunch
all twisted uplike rubic

take these words of advice
cause its not very nice
i wanna put you all in the know

girls don't sleep
don't let your pants creep
watch out for
The Camel Toe

[Repeat Chorus]