A couple of weeks ago, I was over at my friend Lady’s house along with Funny Girl and Aria to have an old fashioned slumber party. It was a great time and fun was had by all. And although my male readers will probably fantasize about 4 women running around in pajamas being silly, I won’t go into detail.
The following morning we were watching some episodes of Sex & The City and eating a delightful breakfast of fresh fruit and cinnamon rolls. We were all seated in the den and Lady was petting her cat Turtle when all of a sudden, Turtle launches himself off of Lady’s chest, digging his back claws into her bosoms.
The next thing I heard was “Christ On A Pony”, which was Lady’s expletive of choice in response to the pain inflicted by Turtles claws.
Funny Girl, Aria and I burst out laughing because none of us had ever heard that euphemism.
It got me thinking about some of the things that we use in every day conversation that really make no sense. And we wonder why people choose not to learn the English language considering that we have mutilated it beyond comprehension in many ways.
Here were some of the expletives that I remember from my childhood and also some that I have heard others say.
My Stars & Garters
Shut The Front Door
Fuck Me Running
Cheese & Rice
Mother, Jugs & Speed
Jesus Christ In A Sidecar
Good Lord & Butter, Mort
Geez & Crackers
Jesus Henrietta Ballsley
Of course, some of these are used as an alternative for taking the Lord’s name in vain such as Cheese & Rice instead of Jesus Christ.
On the other hand, there are some that I have absolutely NO idea how they came to fruition such as My Stars & Garters and Dag Nabbit. (Good Lord & Butter, Mort is actually from an old cartoon strip, or so I was told)
Now that I have such a plethora of expletives to use, I don’t know if I will have to resort to the usual Shit, Fuck or Dammit!