Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Insert < expletive > Here

A couple of weeks ago, I was over at my friend Lady’s house along with Funny Girl and Aria to have an old fashioned slumber party. It was a great time and fun was had by all. And although my male readers will probably fantasize about 4 women running around in pajamas being silly, I won’t go into detail.

The following morning we were watching some episodes of Sex & The City and eating a delightful breakfast of fresh fruit and cinnamon rolls. We were all seated in the den and Lady was petting her cat Turtle when all of a sudden, Turtle launches himself off of Lady’s chest, digging his back claws into her bosoms.

The next thing I heard was “Christ On A Pony”, which was Lady’s expletive of choice in response to the pain inflicted by Turtles claws.

Funny Girl, Aria and I burst out laughing because none of us had ever heard that euphemism.

It got me thinking about some of the things that we use in every day conversation that really make no sense. And we wonder why people choose not to learn the English language considering that we have mutilated it beyond comprehension in many ways.

Here were some of the expletives that I remember from my childhood and also some that I have heard others say.

Dag Nabbit
Cotton Pickin
My Stars & Garters
Shut The Front Door
Fuck Me Running
Jesus Crisis
Cheese & Rice
Mother, Jugs & Speed
Jesus Christ In A Sidecar
Good Lord & Butter, Mort
Holy Hell
Geez & Crackers
Jesus Henrietta Ballsley
Judas Priest

Of course, some of these are used as an alternative for taking the Lord’s name in vain such as Cheese & Rice instead of Jesus Christ.

On the other hand, there are some that I have absolutely NO idea how they came to fruition such as My Stars & Garters and Dag Nabbit. (Good Lord & Butter, Mort is actually from an old cartoon strip, or so I was told)

Now that I have such a plethora of expletives to use, I don’t know if I will have to resort to the usual Shit, Fuck or Dammit!


David in DC said...

Oy, vey iz mir always works for me. (Yiddish for Oh, woe is me).

But the first time I heard it come out of Monkeyboy's mouth, I nearly plotzed (Yiddish for "burst")

Churlita said...

My aunt used to always say "prit near". Wha?

I usually say, "Ay Ay Ay, por Dios!" Which is Spanish and is like saying, "Oh, my god!" or "Oh, for god's sake!" I got it from my ex-mother-in-law, who is from Mexico.

I used to date an Irish guy who either said, "Ah, fer fuck's sake!" and "Jaysus, Mary and Joseph!". I love both of those too.

Jaybird said...

I heard my personal favorite when I was in Marine Corps boot camp. The drill instructors were technically not supposed to swear. Most of them did. However, one instructor seemed to be trying his best to not swear, but he tended to use the phrase " You buncha motorscooters!" a lot.

mielikki said...

My Navy boot-camp drill instructor used to refer to us frequently as
"dickweed". Interesting, because we were a company of women.
I invent new words frequently at work when I clumsily hurt myself because no one wants to hear their nurse curse. I never say the same thing twice. . .

David in DC said...

I just remembered reading the autobiography of Durwood Merrill, a long-time MLB umpire.

He said he could never understand why players were always concerned that he was a cough-sufferer, as he rarely coughed.

He also couldn't figure out why they all thought his mother was a trucker.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I heard Bill Cosby say "God Dandruff" on Oprah the other day.

I also always liked "Fuck-A-Doodle-Doo". I think Hugh Grants character says it in 4 Weddings & a Funeral, along with Fuckity-Fuck.

I ususally don't use swear words in comments, but this felt good.

dmarks said...


Tara said...

I do love "Christ on a Pony", for sure. A cat digging its nails into breasts does call for the real swear word, though.

A former coworker and I used to say, "Cheezits Crackers!" and instead of "damn it all" we'd say "ram it all".

My mom sometimes says, "Merciful minerva!" and "God bless America" instead of "God bless it all".

I also like "For crying out loud!" Now that one doesn't make too much sense.

Skyzi said...

We curse in Spanish or say ass and then hole a minute later. Hole also conveys the point.

Beth said...

We use 'manzita' and 'crankshafting' and 'carbureting' as the expletives of choice around here, as in "Manzita! where are all the carburetin' pens? I can't ever find a crankshaftin' thing around here!" It expresses all the frustration, etc. that the saltier words would, too, but won't turn me green when my child repeats them (and you KNOW they always repeat them loudly and often and in the WORST possible places and times.)

However, one I read was "Christ in a bucket" and that has always stayed in my mind, although I've never used it.