Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Emotional Eating

I got into a huge argument with my son last night that lasted about 30 minutes or so. There was yelling, crying and hurtful things said on both our parts. I never thought that parenting would be so hard. I am so scared what his teen years are going to be like.

He is only 9 right now, but MAN can he push and push and push. He is so disrespectful towards me and I let him know in no uncertain terms that this behavior is going to stop and it will stop now or he can go live with his dad.

Before anyone says anything, I KNOW that I am the adult and that I should behave in the manner that I expect my son to behave. I felt horrible for the way that I behaved and I apologized profusely to him and he did the same to me.

Anyway ~ after this emotional rollercoaster, we both sat down with a bowl of ice cream (I did measure mine and apply the points) and talked calmly for the first time that night.

I was pleased that we were able to have a real discussion but was really upset with myself for eating emotionally and that in a way I am showing my child how to eat emotionally as well.

I am still pretty emotionally fragile about the entire episode and am wallowing in guilt.

On a good note, I have been on Weight Watchers since June 13th and have lost a total of 10.1 pounds.


mielikki said...

See, to me its so healthy that you are recognising this, the emotional eating. And that's a step in the right direction.
As far as your son. Yes, fight's are emotional and hard, we all say things we wish we wouldn't have. Its how you make up in the end that matters. And it sounds like you both did a stellar job.

Sizzle said...

that's great about the 10 pounds. congrats. and at least you are aware of what you are doing with the emotional eating. next time you can try something else. it's difficult when the feelings are so raw. sounds like you two had a rough night.

l.b. said...

I think that if you don't attach too much importance to food, your son won't either. Like going into a guilt spiral for eating ice cream after a fight? Don't bother, it won't do either of you any good. There is more positive than negative going on in that scenrio. Yes, ideally we'd all be fighting respectfully, but at least you two continued to talk it out and apologies were made.

Not so little Woman said...

Don't be so hard on yourself! Raising a child by yourself is hard. I know, because I saw my mom do it. I'm sure there are difficult times and times when you will feel guilty, but remember that as long as you do things with love, that's what's going to count in the end.

One time I thanked my mom for doing such a good job with me and for putting up with my tantrums and the trouble and the yelling she had to sometimes -too many times- endure from me. She cried and told me that she endured all that because she knew that she was trying her best and one day I would thank her for all she did.

evil-e said...

At least you care enough to care. Some parents would not have a discussion but rather just yell.

10.1 lbs in a little over a month is great progress, keep it up.

Moonbeam said...

Keep up the great work Rachel, 10 lbs is wonderful.

Emotional eating is tuff. The part of our brain that controls what we crave when we are emotional, is right next to the part of the brain that from childhood gave us soothing. We were conditioned, so to speak. For instance,if you fell down and got a booboo your Mom would give you ice cream or a cookie to make you feel better, the pain would go away. So the next time something bad happened to you, your brain went to the craving spot and associated what it was given to feel better and grabbed that craving. Not carrots or nuts but ice cream or cookies. I am not explaining it very well, but bottom line it is not your fault to want goodies. I have found this theory useful at times when I wanna grab a spoon and dig into a carton of Ben & Jerry's. I also find it more useful to NOT buy Ben & Jerry's at all :) I have NO will power.

I also understand that sex is a good substitute for food. Sex and food are located in this same craving center in our brains. If someone cant get any sex they eat, is the theory.:) I know I would take sex over food any day. Anyhooo.

As far as your son goes. I have had the same experiences you are having. It is very frustrating and hurtful, cause I know you try so hard. Hang in there. He is gonna be a wonderful Man with you as his Mom. The respect well be hard to control but as he gets older and past the teen years you will have a really close relationship. Not to say you wont be close during the teen years, its a different kind of closeness. You will be closer when he becomes more mature because of all you are doing now. Dont give up teaching him respect...that is the best starting place.

Nice to see you posting again. Keep up the good work with Weight Watchers. I too am dieting and you inspire me. Thank you!

Lydia said...

Firstly, big congratulations on the weight loss so far, Rachel. Good for you.

As much as such arguments are really upsetting perhaps there's something good in you both having been able to vent? Not ideal, I know, to vent in that way, but still better than you both holding things in? And then to sit down together and talk seems to be the ideal way to deal with what happened, so that you both know it's not the end of the world.

And re the emotional eating, maybe I'm wrong, but I think you've said before that it's been an issues for you. So to not overindulge and still apply your points is actually a success. You "fed" a need without getting out of control.

Churlita said...

It is tough. I'm a single mom with two teenage daughters. Lord help me. I've been amazed so far at how much my girls are now than when they were eight or ten. I think it helps to stick to your guns when they at your son's age and by the time he's a teenager, he will be old enough to figure out he'll get what he wants by following your rules, rather than breaking them.

As far as the eating goes. You might try a substitute. If you can, take him for a walk/talk instead of eating. People tend to think more clearly when they're moving.

Good for you on the weight loss.

Anonymous said...

Guess what... parenting is hard... and emotional...
I am sorry that you are experiencing such traumatic times with your boy, but it sounds like you did a great job recognizing your faults.
Just remember not to make threats you don't intend to follow through on, such as living with his dad.
I know you are having a rough go at it, but you have to be willing to follow through with the consequences and threats you use, or you undermine your own authority.
I know, I know.. I am a fine one to talk... fighting is definately an emotional time, and I am definately an emotional girl, especially when my defenses go stressors go up, but learn from the old girl you don't particularly like... and remember.. it will get worse, if you don't get a handle on his respect issues.