A Comedienne's Sidekick

Manners ~ An Almost Lost Art

2009-09-29T11:43:00.007-04:00

Me and Devon in San Atonio, TX

Devon and I went to Subway yesterday. I was being lazy and was craving a ham sub on 9 grain wheat bread. I have a bit of a weakness for their Southwest Chipotle sauce and will indulge occasionally. On the side of course. The calories are horrendous so I am careful to ask for half the container and then use only about a tablespoon or so.

Anyway, this isn’t about my sandwich preferences. It is about Devon.

A couple of months ago we had gone to the same Subway. I was having a bad day and didn’t want anything so I sent Devon in on his own to get his sandwich which is always a turkey and American cheese. He came out about 5 minutes later with a HUGE grin on his face. The guy behind the counter had given him free cookies. I asked Devon why and he told me that the guy had told him that it was because he was so polite. I thought that was pretty cool and said “Good job Buddy! Sometimes manners are rewarded” and promptly forgot about the entire episode until yesterday.

Yesterday I went in with Devon to purchase our sandwiches. I made him get ham this time because turkey isn’t one of the $5 foot long options and payday isn’t until tomorrow. We were discussing bread options and Devon decided to try the Italian herb and cheese this time. He likes to live dangerously. LOL

He saw the guy (probably late teens or early 20’s) behind the counter and said “Hi Sir! I remember you, do you remember me?” The guy said “I sure do” and turned to me and said “He is the politest boy I have ever met.”

The lady behind the counter was the one that was taking Devon’s order and also said that he was incredibly polite. I think that Devon might have been subtly hoping for another free cookie but he did not ask them for one. Instead I purchased one for him because I don’t care who you are…if a guy at Subway remembers your kid because they are so polite after 2 months they deserve a cookie. And more.

Devon I am so proud of the young man that you are becoming. Thoughtful, polite, gallant and last but not least…funny as freakin’ heck! I couldn’t be more proud.

Closed For Repairs

2009-09-01T16:07:00.002-04:00

I was joking around with someone today. They were talking about having heart bubbles (that giddy feeling when you are falling for someone) and I replied that I have no heart. It was a joke but the reply “so you can’t fall in love?” came back and made me think.

Love for me equals disappointment, abandonment and failure. Every man in my life has let me down.

The man who provided sperm to create me wanted and chooses to this day to have nothing to do with me.

My dad (he adopted me when he married my mom when I was a year old) left when I was 10 and never really made an effort to continue our relationship. He put it all on me to call him if I wanted to spend time with him. He never called me.

My cousin who raped me when I was 10. He was supposed to be family and yet he betrayed and disappointed not just me, but the entire family.

My first (and probably only) true love left and moved to Colorado and married someone else within 6 months of moving there when we had been together for 3 prior. He treated my heart as if it didn’t really matter. He did admit that he realized afterwards what a huge mistake he made treating me so callously, but the damage was already done.

My brother devastated our family with poor choices that he made that he will be paying for the rest of his life.

Devon’s dad who after I got pregnant accused me of getting pregnant by someone else and trying to pin it on him. It took a paternity test for him to believe me. Then I moved across the country so that my son could have a relationship with his dad and I never got so much as a thank you. Instead I tried to make it work with someone that was unreliable, involved others in our relationship until I had to end it because I couldn’t depend on him to be responsible and grow up.

And people wonder why I am so closed off emotionally. I hide it pretty well. I am thoughtful, smart and empathetic. But I don’t involve my heart. I try, but I just can’t. How can I trust anyone to treat it carefully when every single person that I have entrusted with it (or thought about entrusting it to) has casually thrown it away?

I will tell someone that I love them… and maybe part of me does. But I don’t give them all of my heart. I don’t open up that most vulnerable part of myself and let them in. That little room that carries the absolute essence of who I am. The one that if destroyed, would destroy me.

I want so desperately to be loved and to love in return. I am well versed in infatuation, desire and friendship, but I crave the elusive co-mingling of souls. The feeling that provides a certainty that this person loves me without reservation.

Then I wonder how I can expect or even hope for someone to love me without reserve when I can’t return the same to them.

There are times when I have thought that the potential is there. Like an oyster with the precious pearl. I slowly start to open up hoping that this is it. This is the time that love will take ahold and rattle me to my bones. Then, it never fails… before I can open completely and give them that precious pearl, hurt, disappointment or disillusionment occurs and I snap back closed. Once that happens there is almost no chance of my heart ever opening again.

Of course I wonder flippantly if any man deserves my love. Being on the dating scene has definitely made me wonder about the quality of available men that are out there. But then I guess that I may not be the catch that I thought I was. After all, who wants someone that might not ever be able to really, really love them?

I Want To Be A Loser, Not A Looser

2009-08-20T18:49:00.004-04:00

I remember back to when I was fat I thought that if I was skinny, that it would fix all of my problems. Even as I got closer and closer to my goal I still had this fantasy life that would play over and over in my head where I would have a rock hard body, men falling at my feet and fewer problems.

Reality set in around the beginning of this year and slowly I have come to accept the fact that it doesn’t matter if you are fat or skinny, a girl is going to have problems. Some problems are the same ones I have dealt with for years, others have slowly surfaced as other problems faded away as the weight came off.

I am surprised by the fact that I am still incredibly self conscious about my body. Not the size anymore, but the damage that I did to it by being overweight for so many years. When I meet new people, I don’t want them to see loose skin sagging on my arms or my thighs. I don’t want them to know off the bat that I used to be almost twice the size that I am now. I want to establish Skinny Rachel before people find out that I used to be Fattie Rachel.

When I go out with friends, I do not wear sleeveless or short sleeved outfits. I always layer it with at least an elbow length shrug or a sweater or sweatshirt. I use the excuse that I get cold easily (which I do.. I freeze all the time) but it is more because I don’t want people to see the loose, stretch marked upper arm skin that I have hanging. I know that many people would say that my “bat wings” are a badge of honor. That it is proof of my determination and will to lose the weight. I see it as a neon flag announcing to the world my former fatdom.

I look at my body and usually all I see is the sagging skin. I don’t have a pannus (hanging down belly) because even when I was at my heaviest, I carried my weight mainly in my thighs, bum and arms. I will wear things that are above my knees, but only with control top panty hose to keep the jello jiggle down.

I went to a water park in Texas and another one in Michigan. I have a bikini, but instead of wearing the normal bottoms, I wore the meshy work out shorts that went down to my knees along with the bikini top. I looked for a swimsuit with the matching board shorts, but couldn’t find them anywhere. I get frustrated that I am still so uncomfortable in my body that I cover it up just as much if not more than I did before.

And then the coup de tat. What I have not so lovingly dubbed my girls. I now call them goobs. My cute euphemism for grandma boobs. They are truly sad reflections of what they used to be. My friend Ann is pregnant with baby #3 and nursed the first 2. Her girls are perkier than mine ever were and every time I change in front of her, she gives me this sympathetic look and says “We need to find a way to get you plastic surgery”. To give you a decent comparison just look at a large balloon that has been inflated and deflated about 100 times. Couple that with an ass that people have agreed looks like a Sharpei and you can probably understand why I am almost looking forward to winter.

The thought of being physically intimate with someone who hasn’t seen my naked body makes my stomach churn and I imagine them being grossed out but conversely fascinated by the shapes they can make with my loose skin like it’s Play Doh or something. I wonder who would want someone who is saggy and baggy.

I know, I know…. If someone loves me, they should love all of me, loose skin and all. But let’s be real folks. Our society is very much a physically superficial society. For every Camryn Manheim there are 500 Cameron Diaz’s. I am superficial right along with the rest of them. I prefer a guy who is in shape, taller than me, good looking and has good teeth.

There isn’t much that I can do about the loose skin other than have it surgically removed. I looked into all of the procedures that I would have to have (basically a full body lift) and it averages about $40,000. None of it is severe enough that insurance would cover it so that means that I would have to come up with the entire amount myself. Or, I could set up a PayPal donate button and try to convince people to give me their hard earned money to pay a rich doctor to slice my body apart. Hmmmm… maybe not.

I just feel helpless and frustrated about something that I can’t really change without a huge infusion of money in my bank account. Maybe that is why I dwell on it so much. It is just tantalizingly out of reach. The possibility is there, but there is not much of a chance of me actualizing the possibility.

What Happens When You Hit A Soccer Ball Into A Net?

2009-07-09T13:08:00.005-04:00

You make GOAL!!!!!

Yup! After just over 2 years, I have met my Weight Watchers goal.

Starting Weight: 287.5
Current Weight: 154.2

Total lost:133.3 pounds

I started at a size 24 and currently wear a size 8. I wore a 9.5 wide shoe and currently wear a 8.5 - 9 regular. My ring size went from a 10.5 to a 7.

How did I do it? A ton of support from friends, family and folks at the 100+ pounds to lose board on the WW website. Understanding and accepting why I got so fat in the first place and realizing that I didn't have to life my life in a self imposed prison. A determination that I honestly had no idea existed within me and the admiration and respect that I earned not only from other people, but from within too.

When I started this journey (that will never really end and I am totally ok with that) I never really thought that I would get to goal. I thought I would give it a shot. I told myself I would be thrilled to get to a size 16. I haven't been in a single digit size since junior high and it seemed totally unattainable. I had heard people use the phrase over and over again "If I can do it, you can do it." and I never really bought into it. Didn't really believe that anyone was as far down the road of obesity that I was and was able to turn it around to the point where I was at a healthy weight. Here I sit two years later telling you "If I can do it, so can you."

Something that I used to do, and hide from people, was a few times per week I would hit the McDonald's drive thru and get 2 double cheeseburgers, 2 medium fries and a medium chocolate shake. I would drive home, usually eating the first medium fry and then sit at home, eating the rest of the food mindless bite by mindless bite. By the time I was done, I would be uncomfortably full and would have to take a nap because I was so tired.

The heavier I got, the more tired I became and the more I would eat. The more I ate, the more I slept. The more I slept, the more depressed I would become and would turn to food to feel better. It was a vicious cycle of food, inactivity, boredom and depression.

There are times that I still feel like FFR (Former Fat Rachel). There are days that I am bored, tired and hungry. Are there days that I lose control and binge? Absolutely. But, the binges are far smaller than they used to be and fewer and farther between than they used to be.

I remember a couple of weeks ago I binged on cherries, saltine crackers and 2% cheese. I went over my points for the day and the week, but I tracked it all and the next day I stuck to my points. I know that there are always going to be days that I eat out of control, but I always accept responsibility for my actions and do not give myself a free pass to eat out of control the next day, or even the next meal.

People tell me that I inspired them. Some people have joined WW because they saw me on my journey. Most of them gave up and quit. It used to really upset me but now I realize that they aren't ready yet. When they are truly ready, nothing will be able to stop them. I can't take responsibility for their failures or choices. I can only accept responsibility for my own. Don't get me wrong, I was and will be as supportive as all get out, but I won't take the blame for them not being able to do what I did. I used to get frustrated, but I have to worry about myself and not allow them to upset my applecart.

Is my life a lot different? Some aspects of it is and most are not. I still think about food all the time, but instead of eating everything that I want, when I want, I plan my meals for the most part. I always bring breakfast and lunch with me to work and very rarely deviate from what I brought. I don't eat out nearly as much as I used to and when I do eat out, I tend to find something point friendly and stick with it. I almost never eat fried foods and eat a lot of fresh fruit and veggies.

I still love to watch television and will still eat in bed sometimes. Now I work it into my program rather than eating everything that isn't tied down. I will eat a 1 point mini bag of popcorn or a vita muffin instead of a big bowl of ice cream with cookies or brownies and hot fudge.

It is all about choices, not sacrifice. I choose to eat food that keeps me on track. I can also choose to have a decadent slice of chocolate cake, as long as I either plan for it, or accommodate it into the program. It isn't rocket science, it is more like 4th grade science. I know that this is for the rest of my life and am happy to embrace the challenge.

I still have work to do and work to have done....anyone who loses this much weight has issues with loose skin and my poor girls are truly, truly sad deflated reflections of what they used to be. I would rather deal with saggy skin than skin filled with fat, but if anyone knows a good plastic surgeon that does pro bono work, throw a girl a bone okay??? LOL

Me with my leader Lisa

A Walk Down Memory Lane

2009-02-27T14:40:00.001-05:00

People have been asking to see some updated photos but I thought that it would be better to take a lovely walk to remember where I started and where I am now..... Enjoy the walk with me.

This used to be my favorite photo pre- WW (weighed approx 285-290 pounds) . Some time in 2006.

This is as close to a full body shot that I have at about the same weight. We were both laughing.

This was my birthday in October 2007. I had lost 40 pounds. Weight was about 247.

Here I am again at my pre-ww weight (ignore the horrific eyeshadow) and me taking a photo when I had lost 50 pounds in the same outfit. Left photo approx 285-190/ Right photo approx 235-240 pounds.

Here I am in March of 2008. I was feeling very sexy that night. Weight was 219 pounds.

Another one from the same night.

75 pounds down. Posing with my WW leader Lisa in April 2008

Just another 5 pounds down.... Current weight approx 207. End of April 2008

Now for some reason I don't have any photos of me available right now (not at home) so i will start again showing my photos where I am at around 185.... Lost 102 pounds.

Here I am on my birthday October 2008. I was home for my Nana's funeral but made my best effort. Current weight was 175. Total lost 111.

And here we are at the end... These photos were taken today by my best friend Wendy with her iPhone.... Current weight 163. Total lost 123 pounds.

Bridge Over Troubled Weight Loss

2009-01-30T09:40:00.000-05:00

Anyone who has been reading my blog for any length of time knows that I am a fattie. No matter what I weigh, I will always be a fattie inside even if I am not a fattie outside. The demons will always be screaming to get out. The cheeseburgers will always be shouting my name.

Sometimes the demons and cheeseburgers whisper and I can tune it out and focus on more important things. Other times they are screaming so loud that it is all I can do to make it to the drive-thru fast enough and only order one.

The demons have been getting louder lately. It seems that with the slower my weight loss goes, the louder they get. The more frustrated and discouraged I get.

Over the holidays I had a rough couple of weeks. I didn't get completely out of control, but I went over my points two weeks in a row by about 20. I still tracked everything and when I saw that 3 pound gain on the scale, I accepted it and got back on track.

What drives me crazy is that I will lose weight and then gain most of it back. Back and forth. What used to be a pretty consistent downward trend has turned into a battle royale. I am going to post my numbers so that you can get an idea of what I am talking about.

1/28/2009 167.4 lbs +2.6 lbs - 119.6 lbs
1/21/2009 164.8 lbs - 4.0 lbs - 122.2 lbs
1/14/2009 168.8 lbs - 1.8 lbs - 118.2 lbs
1/7/2009 170.6 lbs + 3.0 lbs - 116.4 lbs
1/2/2009 167.6 lbs - 1.0 lbs - 119.4 lbs
12/24/2008 168.6 lbs - 0.8 lbs - 118.4 lbs
12/17/2008 169.4 lbs - 5.4 lbs - 117.6 lbs
12/10/2008 174.8 lbs + 0.6 lbs - 112.2 lbs
12/3/2008 174.2 lbs + 2.0 lbs - 112.8 lbs
11/26/2008 172.2 lbs -- - 114.8 lbs
11/19/2008 172.2 lbs + 0.4 lbs - 114.8 lbs
11/12/2008 171.8 lbs + 0.8 lbs - 115.2 lbs
11/5/2008 171.0 lbs - 3.6 lbs - 116.0 lbs

As you can see by the ups and downs I have lost a total of 3.6 pounds in 3 months. It is very frustrating when before I averaged about a 7 pound weight loss per month. Now I am averaging 1.2 pounds per month. Part of it could be that it is winter and my workouts have tapered a bit, Christmas certainly didn't help and I am starting to wonder if the new birth control that I am on is hindering my weight loss too.

Whatever the reasons, it is frustrating to see such a significant drop in weight loss. It isn't so easy anymore. It is probably my body's way of making me humble. Here I thought that it wasn't all that hard to lose weight and now karma has come back and bitchslapped me in the face.

Don't worry, I have no plans to quit and gain back the weight that I have lost and if it takes a year to lose that last 15-20 pounds, by god I will be clawing tooth and bloody nail to reach my goal.

I guess nothing really worth having comes THAT easy. Unfortunately.

Good Will'in It

2009-01-09T17:23:00.000-05:00

Lately I haven't been shopping all that much. I rarely purchase new clothing. Mostly because although I am still losing weight, I haven't been dropping the pounds nearly as fast as I was in the past.

I can currently wearing a size 10/12 depending on the cut. But, I have been wearing all 12's. Why you ask? Because I am too cheap to go out and buy new clothes.

I am trying to stay within my budget and not put anything on credit cards. Not only does it suck, but it makes it hard to have a complete wardrobe when I keep losing weight.

Enter in my new store of choice. Good Will. Yes, I have been shopping regularly at the Good Will and have noticed a few things.

There are a lot of really short people in the world. You have no idea how many times I have tried something on and it turn into high waters.

People seem to like really short waisted sweaters. I prefer my sweater to hit somewhere between 2-6 inches below the waistband of my pants to avoid showing everyone my pale, slightly loose skin. Most sweaters either hit my thighs or barely skim the waistband of my pants.

Why do people cut the tags out of their clothing and then donate it???? I makes me crazy when I can't tell if it is a small, medium or large?

They never really have what I am looking for. This weekend I will be hitting a few Good Will's because I am going on a cruise in April and I need some summer clothing. NOTHING that I have from last year still fits except for 2 t-shirts. No shorts, skirts, skorts, capri's or even dresses. Basically I have to get a decent summer wardrobe with little to no cash.

I have found some great finds. I got my winter coat there for $9.00. It isn't really my style, but it is warm and fits. I figure I can focus on the style when I actually invest in a good winter coat when I get to goal.

I got quite a few Christmas decorations there along with some pajamas that I really needed. I was still wearing drawstring shorts and a t-shirt from before I started losing weight.

The one big purchase that I have to make is for a new swimsuit. I am NOT looking forward to it considering that I do have quite a bit of loose skin on my thighs and my arms. I also won't buy a used one because to me that is the same as buying someone's used panties. Not gonna happen.

Not sure where I am going to find a decent selection of swimsuits in February/March, but it definitely won't be at the Good Will.

A Question He Will Regret Asking

2008-11-14T10:01:00.003-05:00

In the car earlier this week Devon asked me if I have ever lied to him. I told him that yes, I had lied to him.

He asked me what I had lied to him about. I told him that he didn't want to know and that if I did tell him that he would regret asking.

He kept badgering and badgering me about it so I finally said " If I tell you, you will be sad and you will be upset that you asked". He promised me that he wouldn't be upset or mad so I told him.

"There is no Tooth Fairy"

I thought for sure that he had already figured out that there was no Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus etc. but I guess I was wrong. He was totally shocked. He asked what happened to the teeth. I told him that I had them in my dresser drawer. Then he asked about where the money came from etc.

I told him that because he knows that the tooth fairy doesn't exist that now he doesn't get any more money when he loses teeth. He was soooooo disappointed.

He was also sorry that he asked.

Are you talking to me????

2008-11-10T14:37:00.004-05:00

"Don't lose any more weight. You are getting sooo skinny."

Huh? Seriously? Are you talking to me?

I hear this quite often actually and it never ceases to surprise me that people think that I am skinny. Me! Skinny! (mind still boggling)

I know that I have been very sporadic with the posting lately and to be honest with you, I don't know if it will change any time soon.

Life is busy. I am in love and trying to incorporate a relationship into a life that was already full. Sometimes there is a bit of juggling going on. I worry that my friends think that I have abandoned them even though I do make an effort to spend time with them. (Funny Girl ~ you, me and Tivo tomorrow night!)

My weight loss has slowed down dramatically. It took me 6 months to lose 50 pounds. It took me another 7.5 months to lose the second 50. It has been 3 and a half months since I hit 100 pounds gone and I have dropped another 16 pounds. It isn't much, but it is still a downward trend so I am not complaining.

Can you believe that I only have 26 pounds to go? That seems crazy to me. When I started I had almost 140 pounds to go and it seemed to be a monumental task. Now 25 pounds seems like almost a walk in the park compared to that. I do have a feeling that it will be a hell of a lot harder to lose that 25 pounds than I am anticipating though.

My goal is to be at goal by my cruise which is April 11, 2009. That gives me 6 months to lose 25 pounds. I think I can do that.

Here is a photo from my birthday last month. Can you guess who people tell me that I look like?

She's Dancing With The Angels

2008-10-12T10:54:00.005-04:00

Nana passed away yesterday afternoon. She went very peacefully and was with her daughters.

I will love you and miss you forever Nana.

LaReta May Rutherford

August 6, 1921 - October 11, 2008

Potpourri O' Goodness

2008-09-16T12:11:00.003-04:00

As you all know, I have lost over a hundred pounds.

I just have this question: Why can I STILL not wear knee high boots?????? My calves are still too big. I even tried the "plus size" boots and couldn't zip them past my ankle.

If I still can't wear knee high boots when I get to my goal weight (about 40 more pounds to go) I will be livid!!!!

My hormones are all out of whack. I don't know what is going on, but my menstrual cycle has decided to eff up. Instead of every 4 weeks, I am now being blessed with a visit from Aunt Flow every 3 weeks.

Not only is it making my moods swing all over the place and costing me more money in feminine products, but I think that might be part of the reason that my weight loss has gone all over the place lately.

I have a Dr. Appointment for my annual physical (ie: open my vajayjay with a medieval torture device) so I will make sure to bring the subject up. I am not on any kind of birth control so I have a feeling that they might try that to regulate my cycle.

Devon is now in 5th grade and will be 11 in a couple of months. He is still in elementary school but in a new one because they transferred him due to class size. His new school is much stricter than his old one.

They don't want the kids dropped off any earlier than 8:15 for breakfast and 8:35 for everyone else for class that starts at 8:44. That is fine, but I have to drop him off around 8:10 to get to the workout place on time. He got talked to for being there 5 minutes early. I understand that it isn't their job to baby sit him but he is pretty self sufficient and there are teachers and employees all over the place.

This morning I dropped him off at the end of the driveway and made him walk. It will take him at least 3 minutes and there was a crossing guard right across from where I dropped him off so I know he will be safe. He wasn't very happy about the walk though. I wonder how happy he will be when he realizes that he is going to be hoofing it every day down that loooonnnggg driveway.

Plateau - Not Just A Geological Formation Anymore

2008-09-06T12:46:00.002-04:00

My weight loss has tapered off. I am officially in the midst of what Weight Watchers terms a "plateau".

Their suggestion? Persevere!

Not really the advice that I was looking for, but at least it is sound.

Now, I understand that every once in a while your body decides that it needs to hang out at a particular weight for a while and to be honest, this is the first plateau that I have hit during my entire weight loss journey.

But it still sucks.

Here are my stats since I got back from vacation:

August 6: gained 0.4 pounds current weight 185.8
August 13: maintained (no movement on the scale)
August 20: - 2.2 pounds (YAY! I thought that it was just a hiccup and that the weight would start coming back off)
August 27: +0.6 pounds (what the??)
September 3 : -0.6 pounds (Big Ass Eye Roll) Current weight 183.6

Now, don't get me wrong... I am pleased as punch that I am still technically losing. But losing 2.2 pounds in 5 weeks is driving me crazy!!!!

After becoming used to losing an average of about 7 pounds per month, this is torturously slow.

I have been looking into why my body is just not dropping weight as quickly and there are a few scenarios that come to mind.

Number one is that my body has reached a point where it doesn't want to drop any more weight for a while. Some people term it the body starvation point. Everyone's body has a different point where it thinks that starvation might be setting in. Since I was so heavy, my body hasn't realized that my starvation point should be about 45 pounds lower than it currently is.

Number two, I am still working out, but typically work out 3-4 days per week rather than 5-6. Life has been so busy I just haven't been able to get to the gym quite as much. Next week I will be there every day for 5 consecutive days so we will see what happens.

Number three is that although I am still sticking to the plan, I have been enjoying a few BLT's (bites, licks, tastes) and maybe haven't been tracking them accurately. I am going to cut them out completely and see if this will make any kind of change.

Don't worry, my journey is far from over and I have no plans to chuck it all and go back to where I was. That was so much less of a life than the one that I am living now I couldn't bear to go back.

Rollercoasters Make Me Nauseated

2008-08-09T16:14:00.003-04:00

The past few weeks have been like a roller coaster. Up. Down. Up. Down.

Seriously folks, I am really tired of it.

Nana is still with us. After the Doctor told us that she wasn't going to last more than a few days, she started improving. Then she would get worse. Better.... Worse....

Nana turned 87 on August 6 and was allowed to come home from the hospital on August 7th. We all thought she wouldn't make it to celebrate the day and the fact that she is well enough to go home was the best birthday present of all. She is receiving Hospice at home and I doubt that she will return to the hospital and will instead opt for "going home" from the comfort of her own bed.

On a lighter note, I still stayed "on program" (stuck to my Weight Watchers guidelines) on vacation and finally achieved the biggest milestone yet.

I have lost over 100 pounds.

Yep! While on vacation and dealing with everything there I was still able to make good choices. It feels really good to know that even in stressful situations that I can still stick to my guns and make it work. Of course, there were times when I had to pick which Kashi bar sounded the best from the hospital cafeteria because there weren't any other healthy choices, but I did discover that Trail Mix was my favorite.

My computer with my photo editing stuff is being worked on, so my friend Funny Girl took a photo of me with her phone so that I can at least put something on here.

What I want to know is why do my thighs still look so darn big?????? Grrrr. I have always had bigger legs even when I was thinner but now with the loose skin that I have been blessed with, they seem to be larger than I remember.

I sometimes get frustrated with the loose skin on my arms and legs. It seems that instead of firming up like my torso did, the skin just gets saggier and saggier no matter how much I work out. Oh well, from what I understand, guys don't really care what you look like naked. They just care that you ARE naked or as my beloved brother said "Boobs are boobs" when I was lamenting about a lack of perkiness in that area.

Any hoo.... here are my before and current photos. Enjoy!

Before at 287.5 pounds and after losing 50 pounds (237 pounds)

Current weight 185 pounds (approximately a size 12)

P.S. I have tried to fix the scrunched paragraphs up at the top and it keeps effing it back up. Sorry!

Saying Goodbye

2008-07-26T20:26:00.002-04:00

Nana is fading very fast.

She will probably pass within the next 2-3 days.

We are all here trying to prepare and saying our goodbyes.

I can't remember anything ever being this hard.

Devastation only skims the surface.

You Don't Always Get What You Want

2008-07-23T09:19:00.002-04:00

Hi everyone!!!

I am currently typing this from the PC at my mother's house. I am here for two weeks of vacation.

When I planned the trip back in March, we were going to a family reunion and also to a time share resort for a week. We really weren't going to be here much and it sounded like a lovely, relaxing vacation.

Well, of course life is going to throw you some curve balls. Mine came in the form of my Nana getting Pancreatic Cancer.

For those of you who don't know, there is no cure for Pancreatic Cancer and there really is not much in the way of treatment either. It is quick and vicious. Most patients that are diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer don't last 6 months.

Nana was diagnosed about a month ago. She is progressively getting more confused, stubborn and scared. She can no longer be left alone for any length of time which has caused my mother to file for FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) so that she can take her to appointments and generally care for Nana.

Last week my mom had to go to a meeting at work and her husband had a Dr. Appointment. The neighbor lady is friends with Nana and asked my mom if she could stay with Nana. My mom reluctantly agreed because she was in a bind. The neighbor lady is elderly as well and my mom knew that she could visit with her, but if something happened that she wouldn't be able to physically assist my Nana, but Mom needed help so she went against her better judgement and left Nana with the neighbor.

Nana decided that this would be the perfect time to go outside and check on her flowers. She hasn't been allowed to do any gardening for a while and she wanted to see how her sweet peas were growing. The neighbor tried to convince her to stay in the house, but Nana has got a stubborn streak a mile wide and wouldn't listen.

Outside she fell and hit her head. The neighbor couldn't get her up and called my step-brother who lives down the street and my step-sister who lives a few miles away. My step-brother got there in less than 10 minutes, picked up Nana (who weighs about a buck ten) and put her into her bed.

Mom got home as fast as she could, took one look at Nana, called the Dr., packed her into the car and took her to the hospital. In a way, it was a huge blessing.

Once they got there, Nana's blood oxygen leven was at 71%. Normal is between 96-100% so it was really bad. They couldn't get her oxygen level back up until they put her onto a full face non rebreather mask (mom told me what it was) at 100% oxygen.

They found out that Nana has MRSA which is a really bad, antibiotic resistant infection which in turn has caused her to contract pneumonia and just to make it fun, Congestive Heart Failure to boot.

Suffice it to say, that if Nana wasn't in the hospital, she might not still be here. She is very ill, easily confused and at times in hullucinating. She does, however, still have her sense of humor firmly intact.

Devon and I drove straight there with my mom, as soon as we landed. Because of the MRSA we have to wear a gown, mask and gloves to go into her room. We went in and it took her a few moments to recognize us. She was very happy to see us, but was also seeing an imaginary dog in her room as well.

It was incredibly difficult to see her like this. She looked like she had been mugged and beaten within an inch of her life from the fall. HUGE purple raised bump on her forehead, two black eyes, scratches on her nose etc. She was breathing through her mouth and she had the white, filmy spittle coating the edges.

Her speech is slurred and difficult to understand but I could understand a few things. She said hello to me and to Devon.

I sat on the edge of the bed and got close enough for her to see me and be able to hear me. I stroked her face with my gloved hand and she closed her eyes and smiled a bit. I could tell that it brought her a lot of comfort so I continued to do it.

I looked at my mom and the tears filled my eyes and started streaming down my face. This isn't Nana. Nana is vibrant, funny, active and always talking. This was a faded memory of my Nana.

It came crashing home like a freight train that Nana will be gone sooner than later. I won't have her to talk to or to hear stories from. She won't be here waiting for me when I fly in to visit. I won't be able to play cards with her or sit with her in her room and watch The Food Network.

Devon got extremely upset and cried for a really long time. He is trying so hard to be brave, but he is only 10 years old and this will be the second major loss of a loved one (his great grandfather died a few years ago). He is very aware that Nana won't be with us much longer and is taking it very hard. I had to whisper to him that Nana needed to see him strong and to not cry in front of her. He was able to get his emotions under control until we left and then we stood in the hallway and I held him as he cried.

Last night, I slept in Nana's bed. It brought me a bit of comfort to be around her things.

Mom says that Nana has her good days and her bad ones and we happened to arrive on a bad day. I am hoping that I see her on a good day because I don't know how I can face 2 weeks of last night. It was definitely turns what was supposed to be a fun trip into a very somber occasion.

My mother has been doing basically everything for my Nana. She cares for her at home, makes sure that she gets her medicine and takes her to all of her appointments. In addition she has to watch her carefully because Nana can be unpredictable. They had to put a monitor in her room so that they could her hear at night if Nana needed help.

I honestly don't know how she has stayed as strong as she has. Mom is sad a lot. She knows that she is losing her mother. She watches her slowly slip further and further away every day and is trying to prepare herself as much as she can for the inevitable. But I can see the added lines to her face. The drawn, sad expression when she is lost in thought.

I want to be here for my mom as well as Nana. I only have two weeks. I pray that Nana gets well enough to leave the hospital and spend her remaining days at home. I have convinced Mom to look into Home Heath when or if Nana comes home. If she doesn't, I will worry about Mom's health as well.

Today we are going to see Nana again. I pray that she is more aware and lucid so that she can communicate with me a bit better. I plan to go up there, stroke her face again and just sit and talk with her, tell her how much I love her and just gaze at the face of someone that I have loved and has loved me since the day that I was born.

Project Diversity

2008-07-18T12:37:00.003-04:00

At work we have a 15 minute meeting almost every day. Once a month, they ask for people to come in and talk about something related to diversity.

We have had people come in and talk about their heritage, overseas adoption, autism etc.

They asked for volunteers and I offered to do a meeting about what it is like to be morbidly obese and about my weight loss journey.

Today was the day that I did the meetings (6 of them in total) and I was really pleased with the results.

Without further ado... here is my speech.

A few years ago I went to Michigan's Adventure with my friends and our kids. We had been at the park for a few hours riding rides and decided to ride the Wild Cat. As a group we all went up the ramp, stood in line and waited our turn.

The coaster came in and let the passengers off and I noticed that it was a divided seat, not a bench seat. I started feeling a little bit uncomfortable, but stayed in line. When it was our turn to get on the coaster, I made sure that my son was in his seat and buckled in before I got into my own seat. It was a very tight squeeze, but I was able to get seated in the coater. I grabbed the seatbelt to strap myself in and I couldn't get it closed. It was so close and I pulled and pulled, but I couldn't get the belt buckled. In front of an entire line of people waiting their turn, I had to get off of the coaster and stand on the other side, alone, facing the crowd that was staring at me knowing that I was too fat to fit on the ride. I stood there and waited for my son and friends to finish the ride and return to the station.

I can still feel the embarrassment that stained my face that day.

I couldn't even think about doing this diversity pre shift until I'd lost over 50 pounds. Because you feel that everyone's judging you, for being lazy, eating too much, not taking care of yourself, not trying hard enough. You feel your voice doesn't count. You feel you can't talk about what it's like to be fat until you've proven yourself and shown that you're taking steps not to be fat anymore.

And now, I'm still overweight so it's not easy to talk about it now. But I don't want to be one of those people who only talks about what it's like to be fat from the vantage point of a nice, safe size 6, where how horrible it was is only a vague, awful memory.

I want to talk about while I'm still in it because for once I want to give power to my words from within my own situation. I don't want to write some chirpy "after" post once I've reached my goal weight about how much it sucked to be fat. I want to write it while I'm living it and while it's real.

I was morbidly obese for over 10 years. Over 2x's of what is considered a healthy weight. It was a way of protecting myself from the world - putting a physical barrier between myself and the world based on things that happened when I was younger. Issues of abandonment, rejection, low self worth all contributed to me turning to food for comfort. After my dad left we were very poor and were on welfare. High carb diet (Ramen noodles, mac and cheese) contributed to poor eating habits and weight gain.

I was 240 when I got pregnant and got down to 204. I eventually gained it all back plus some. After I started working at Foremost, I lost 30 pounds on a low calorie diet and exercising during lunch. Once lunches went to 30 minutes, I gave up and gained it all back. I didn't make any effort to lose weight or have a healthier lifestyle for another 6 years.

It's hard to be fat. You don't fit into chairs. When you go to a restaurant and someone suggests eating outside, you do a subtle scan of the chairs to see if they're sturdy, if the arms are narrow, if you'll be uncomfortable spilling over the sides of the seat during the meal. When somebody asks if you want to go to a baseball game, you hope they have tickets fro the expensive, roomy seats. Nobody wants to sit next to you in the Metro or on the bus. You see every seat fill up around you while the one next to you remains resolutely empty.

People can be and at times are very cruel. I watch them. I see their looks, their rolling of the eyes. The glances between two friends where one will puff out their cheeks to emulate being fat and the other will double over laughing. But nobody will ever talk about it. You can't make reference to it yourself. It's the elephant in the room and if you ever mention needing to lose weight, or having to shop in the plus size department, people look awkward and look away. It becomes your job not to make people uncomfortable, not to talk about it, not to push it. You diminish your expectations for a good life in order to have some semblance of happiness.

The turning point for me wasn't anything earth shattering. My mother, who had been doing Weight Watchers offered to pay for a 3 month membership for my birthday. At first I thought that it was a horrible idea for a gift and truly just wanted her to give me the money. $120 would buy me a great pair of shoes. I hemmed and hawed about it for a few weeks. Then I noticed that when I was leaving work wearing heels that my ankles were hurting when I walked down the stairs. With my love of shoes, that was unacceptable and I decided then and there to take Mom up on her offer.

I joined WW and went to the first meeting. It wasn't that long. The worst part was being weighed and realizing that I wasn't too far away from 300 pounds. The first week I stuck to the program. I journaled what I ate, I measured my food to learn what a correct portion was. I cut back on diet soda and drank a lot of water. I stayed within the point range that WW said I should be at. The next week I weighed in and I had lost nothing. I was devastated. I wanted to cry during the meeting. I did cry afterwards. I talked to my leader and she said to give it another week. Sometimes it just takes time for your body to catch up with what you are doing.

The second week I lost 7 pounds.

Within the first month I realized that WW was something that I could do. It wasn't that hard to stick to the program. The points were relatively easy to figure out. I made a promise to myself then and there that I was going to do this. No "we'll see how it goes" or "I'll try". It was more of a "I am going to do this no matter what. There is no other option than to succeed."

From June 13 to the middle of October, I had lost 40 pounds. I noticed that my weight loss was slowing down so I figured that it was time to bite the bullet and start working out. At first I went to the workout room downstairs and walked on the treadmill or tried the elliptical. The first time I tried it, I made it about 2 minutes and thought that I was going to pass out. Slowly I worked up my resistance and speed and now can easily do 30 minutes at a level 7. After about 6 months of working out downstairs I joined a gym. I work out 4-5 times per week and have found workouts that I love like Zumba.

In 13 months, I went from 287.5 pounds and have lost 97 pounds and currently weigh in at 190. I have gone from a size 24 to a size 12/14. I still have 50 pounds to lose but I am not worried about it. I know that I won't ever give up and that it really is all mind of matter. My mind is overcoming my matter.

Weight loss, like being fat, is also hard. Lots of people are able to make it work, but a lot of people can't make it work. This doesn't mean that they are stupid, lazy or that they aren't trying and it doesn't mean that they aren't thinking about it every minute of the day and they probably spend a lot of the time thinking about what you think about it. They don't need people making fun of them, talking about them or treating them any less than anyone else.

There are a lot of preconceptions of obese people. They are dirty, slothful, lazy and poor employees. Many times the opposite is true. I rarely allowed myself a slobby day because if I went out in public, I was perpetuating the stereotype of what many people viewed obese to be. Many non-obese people see obesity as a lifestyle choice in spite of the great difficulty obese people face when trying to lose weight.

Discriminating against and making fun of fat people is one of the only acceptable forms of prejudice. You would never openly mock someone because of their race, sexual orientation or religion. You might do it behind closed doors but not to their face. But it is OK to make fun of fat people. Why? Usually they don't fight back. They look at you with a sad, disappointed face, turn and walk away. Obese people don't need others to make fun of them, talk about them or treat them as less of a person. No one ever said anything to me, however hurtful, that I hadn't already thought to myself a thousand times before.

Everyone has things that they struggle with. Just because theirs is on the outside for everyone to see, doesn't give anyone the right to harass them or treat them with disrespect. Besides, nothing you say, kind or unkind, can ever convince a person to improve themselves. That kind of motivation has to come from within, and only when the person is ready. The most helpful thing you could do for an obese friend is to listen to them and be there for them when they need to talk.

To people who are where I was: it doesn't matter where you are on your journey or if you have even started it, when you are ready, you can achieve amazing things. If you are happy with where you are, I am so proud of you. Accepting yourself is the first step to reaching acceptance from others. As long as you are comfortable in your skin and love yourself that is all that matters.

Unexpected Bonuses

2008-07-15T12:12:00.002-04:00

For the first time since I was in 8th grade, my sister and I weigh roughly the same.

She has always been the skinny sister and I was always the fat one.

It helped her that she always worked on her feet and was walking miles a day and when at home running after 3 kids.

We were talking yesterday and we realized that we wear the same size.

I am going to Washington next week to visit family. I get there on Tuesday, and my sister will get there from Texas, on Friday.

I have a feeling that I will be coming back missing a few cute outfits. But she is my sister, so I won't mind giving them up...too much.

I also convinced her to try Zumba with me. They have classes at the YMCA and my mom can get us 2 week passes.

What A Difference A Year Makes

2008-06-23T23:12:00.003-04:00

I celebrated my one year anniversary on Weight Watchers on June 13. It is amazing to me how much my life has changed. It is hard for me to put down everything that has changed for me, but I will do my best.

The biggest change is obviously my weight. I have lost over 93 pounds. That is more than the average 4th grader. I have gone from a size 22/24 to a size 12/14. Even my shoe size has gone from a 9 1/2 wide to a 9 medium.

I went from someone who could barely walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath to someone who can work out for an hour and leave feeling energized with sweat dripping off me. I have learned to enjoy working out, especially Zumba.

Some things are easier, some are harder. I enjoy wearing more feminine clothing. I don't have to struggle to find things that fit and look nice anymore. I know what looks good on my body and what isn't flattering.

There are things about my body that I really think are sexy. My waist, collarbones, neck, and butt. Things that I still don't like and don't think I ever will are my arms, thighs and excess skin. There are parts of my body that look like they are melting but I do my best to accentuate the positives so that no one notices the negatives.

My confidence level has increased 100% but I still have a hard time believing compliments. When people call me skinny, all I can think of is that I still have 45 pounds to lose. I tend to discount how far I have come and concentrate on how far I still have to go. When people are impressed with how much I have lost, I tend to downplay it and act like it isn't a big deal. I don't feel pride in my accompliment to date because I am still a work in progress like an artist working on a masterpiece.

I fit into and onto things that I either couldn't or felt very uncomfortable. Chairs have extra room rather than me squeezing into them and overflowing out of them. Painting my toenails doesn't require the talents of a contortionist. Tying my shoes doesn't cause me to get out of breath from squishing my lungs to reach my feet.

I am wearing a bikini top at the pool and feel totally comfortable in it. I don't feel like I have to cover up as much of my body as possible. I don't show it off, but I wear cute, fitted clothing that I wouldn't have ever been able to wear at 287 pounds.

As much as I have changed, a lot of me has remained the same. I still have the same friends, still have the same job and like to do many of the same things that I used to. Of course I have new interests to compliment the old ones, but I love that there are so many opportunities and options available now that I was either unable or unwilling to try.

I am so excited to be traveling next month to Seattle. This will be the first time on a plane for me since I have been below 255. I look forward to not having to sqeeze into the seat and overflowing into Devon's space.

This summer I plan to go to Michigan's Adventure and ride the Wild Cat. Last time I went, I couldn't get the belt buckled and had to get off and stand there waiting for the rest of my group while they rode it.

I can't believe what a year, determination and focus has brought me.

Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me, listened to what I had to say and basically picked me up, dusted me off and got me back on track when I veered off or faltered.

My next project is to do a diversity presentation at work about obesity. It is something that I never would have done a year ago. Now I can't wait.

A Phone Call That Changed Everything

2008-06-19T23:28:00.003-04:00

I was talking to my mom yesterday and she gave me some really bad news. Something that I was hoping wouldn't happen. We were hoping for the best, but unfortunately that wasn't to be.

My Nana has pancreatic cancer.

A few months ago she had a CT Scan and there was a lesion on her pancreas but it wasn't clear what it was. They decided to wait a few months and do another scan.

The results came in on Tuesday evening. My mom is a nurse and when she got the call in the evening she knew that it wasn't good. Apparently they only call at night when it is really bad. They told her that it was probably cancer (about a 99% chance) and that it had spread to the lymph node system as well.

Last week my mom had purchased airline tickets for her, Nana and my step-father to fly out here for Christmas. Nana will more than likely be gone by then.

When Mom told Nana the prognosis on Wednesday morning her response was "Well, shit!" and then went on to say how she hadn't been feeling well for a long time. Soon after, she resumed her daily routine of puttering out in the flower beds and the garden.

Nana is 86 years old and has lived a long, full life. She had 3 kids, 7 grandkids and numerous great grand children. My grandfather passed away over 25 years ago and Nana never remarried.

We will be out to see her next month. Mom says she will probably still be around but that they aren't going to do anything invasive or debilitating to try and prolong her life. Her health is frail and it would probably just kill her sooner.

As hard as it is, I will be helping my mom with Nana's funeral plans. Nana told us that we could do whatever we wanted since she wasn't going to be there anyway.

I have decided that I want to do a photo montage with songs from every era of Nana's life to celebrate her life and the things that made her so special. I hope that I can do even a modicum of justice to an incredible woman who I respect and love immensely.

How Do I Say This Delicately????

2008-06-05T12:09:00.002-04:00

Screw it!!!!!!

I AM UNDER 200 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

Party On Dude.... Without Me.

2008-05-30T11:07:00.006-04:00

A couple of weekends ago I went out with some of my girlfriends to a bar that I had only been to one other time.

It is a relatively nice bar where sneakers are not allowed and most men tend to wear button down shirts and ties although not de rigour, aren't uncommon either.

I was wearing a nice pair of dark boot cut jeans, high heeled sandals, a cropped, tailored black jacket with a tangerine tank top underneath to provide a pop of color. All in all, I was one hot tamale.

To start out the night we got a table that was perfect for people watching. Unfortunately, I was facing the wrong direction to see the majority of the bar, but I still had a good view of people who were coming in.

While Jen, Lindsey, Colleen and I were enjoying our first drinks, a gentleman came over to the table and starting talking to me.

He said " Hi, my name is Jeff. I wanted to come over and talk to you, but I am with a bachelor party and have to leave to go to another bar. If I give you my phone number, will you call me?"

He was quite good looking and taller than me in heels (always a huge plus). The way that he approached me really impressed me so I told him that I would call him and also gave him my number.

When Jeff left the table, the girls asked me if I knew him. I responded that I hadn't ever seen him before and Colleen said "I hate you" jokingly in reference to the entire situation. All the women agreed that nothing like that had ever happened to them before. It felt pretty damn good to be singled out like that.

Later that night I was on the dance floor by myself. When I get tipsy, I don't care who is watching, I love to dance and I just get out there. Since it was pretty crowded out there it didn't really matter anyway.

So, I am out there doing my thing and this cute guy starts dancing with me. We danced and danced and danced. I had to leave to go to the bathroom and then went back to my table. Later on I went back out and danced with him some more.

His name was Brent and he is a P.E. teacher in a school district about 2 hours away. He was up for the weekend with some friends and had a party bus to take him and his friends back to their hotel.

Brent invited me to go with them on the party bus. At the time I was just tipsy enough to think that it was a good idea. Luckily my friends were watching out for me and Jen reminded me that I drove here there and had to sober up to drive her home.

I stopped drinking and started sobering up for the drive home. Brent kept pestering me to go with him to the hotel. He offered to ride with me and have me drive him back. Then he wanted his friend to come. He kept at it so much that I got really uncomfortable with him even being at the table.

Right before the bar closed Jen and I were sitting at the table and Brent was there still trying to get me to drive him to his hotel with his creepy friends who had been watching us dance all night. He turned to his friend and his friend gave him something small and he had it in his hand.

Jen turns to me and said "I don't know what it is, but his friend just handed him something small and he has it in his hand right now. It could be a pill, a condom or something else, but I think it was a pill."

What the eff???

I turn to Brent and demand to see what is in his hand. He opens his left hand and I make him show me his right hand. He opens his hand to reveal a small, dark green pill.

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!!!

I asked what the pill was and he told me that it was a vitamin because he is a body builder. So, I told him to take the pill. He said "Now?" and I said "Yes!". He swallowed the pill, but that was the last nail in the coffin for me.

Who in their right mind brings a vitamin at the bar? No one, that's who. I don't care if you are a body builder, Albert Einstein or Tony Gazelle. No one brings vitamins to the bar. Especially if you don't want to be accused of adding said "vitamin" to someones drink to incapacitate them.

My friends and I started walking out of the bar and Brent followed me and said "Don't you trust me?" I turned around and said "I met you at a bar. I don't know you. I don't trust anyone." and then I turned back around and continued walking out the door.

My friends were about 10 feet ahead of me. I look behind me and Brent is nowhere to be seen. He must have still been in the bar.

Surrounded by people who were leaving the bar and getting hot dogs from the vendor out side, I yell to my friends "RUN" and take off as fast as I can behind them. We run around the corner and they are still running at high speed. I holler at them to stop so that I can catch up. Then I tell them to get behind me so that if Brent comes around the corner he can't see me.

We get to our cars safely with no sign of Brent or his creepy friends. Some conversation ensues about how crazy and ridiculous the entire situation was and then we separate into our respective cars and meet back up at Denny's.

You can't go out to the bar without getting 4th meal, right?

The rest of the night goes on without a hitch. We sit and talk about the entire evening (we dubbed Brent with the nickname Cialis) and about everything that girls talk about when they are alone at a table together.

I go home and my last thought before falling asleep was that never in my life has a night out gone from such a high to such a low in that short of time.

P.S. Jeff called the following Tuesday. No plans for a date yet, but we shall see.

Here She Is... Miss 80 Pounds Down

2008-04-30T22:51:00.005-04:00

Me and my Weight Watchers leader Lisa. I LOVE that woman. This was taken when I hit 75 pounds.

Here are my official 80 pounds down photos.

Definitely curvy.

Showing off my least favorite body part right now...my arms...ugh!

If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking

2008-04-29T10:13:00.005-04:00

For the past week I have been feeling a bit discouraged. I have been tired and have been forcing myself to work out every day.

Last week the weather was nice and I was able to be outside to work out for 3 days. It was wonderful to feel to sun on my back as I walked around the paths in the office park where I work. There was even some laughable attempts at jogging, but I just don't think that my body is ready for it.

I want to be able to do whatever I want. If I want to run 2 miles my mind is convinced that my body should be able to do it. My body, on the other hand, is quite adamant that it is NOT ready for running or jogging. After about 200 yards or 30-45 seconds, I am panting like I have run a marathon. It is VERY frustrating.

This week I have been driven back to the exercise room due to temperatures on the low 30's during my work out time. What used to be a comfortable place, now seems like a dingy prison. Even with the music blasting in my ears I am bored looking at the same four walls day in and day out. The same 2-3 people come in while I am there but for the most part I am alone. Left to my thoughts and now I am seeing those thought turn dark and depressing.

I have come so far and I know that I am not going to give up. My dark thoughts are fleeting for the most part, but it still bothers me that I am having them.

I am seriously considering joining a gym with part of the stimulus package. What a better way to put it to use? Stimulate the economy while I stimulate my mind and body.

I fould a quote that I find very helpful when I am feeling dark & twisty like I have been in the past week.

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it.

Boldness has genius power and magic in it"

Goethe

Does Miss Manners Have A Chapter For This?

2008-04-23T21:25:00.005-04:00

I wondered if it would even happen. If I would get the dreaded question. It was probably only a matter of time before it happened, but even so, I was ill prepared.

"Did you have Gastric Bypass Surgery"?

There was a strange dichotomy of joy and fury.

Joy because, hey, I have lost a lot of weight and for most people in todays society with GBS being so prevalent, they think that they only way that people can lose is to get sliced open and have the majority of your stomach stapled or removed. People have noticed the large weight loss and may think that it is a compliment. The media has brainwashed the masses into believing that self control is almost non-existent and that because we live in a self indulgent society that there is just no way that people can lose weight the old fashioned way. Eat less. Move more.

Then comes the fury. Who the hell do you think you are by assuming that I had to get cut open to do what I have done? Do I look like someone with no self control? Have you not observed me exercising nearly every day and bringing in healthly, portion controlled meals? If you assume that I had surgery, then you haven't been paying attention.

Instead of asking me if I had surgery, it would be more polite to ask me flat out how I lost the weight that I have. Believe me, I am so excited and have immersed myself so fully into this lifestyle that I can do on ad nauseum about Weight Watchers, exercise, menus, activity points, etc. etc. etc.

Phew! It felt good to get that off my still size D chest.

Have I told you all that I am now able to shop in regular stores? How cool is that. I am still at the point where I can shop plus sizes if I want to, but I CAN shop regular sizes too. Currently I am in a size 16 (getting pretty close to a 14) or a size XL.

Oh, and I also forgot to tell you. Last week I officially made over 75 pounds lost. Actually it was 77.9. Due to a volcano that is currently residing on my chin, I decided to wait to take my 75 pounds down photo until the volcano was slightly smaller than Mt. Vesuvius.

Well, this week I went in expecting not to lose anything. It had been a good week, but my scale at home wasn't showing much movement. Shock the shit out of me. I am officially down 80.1 pounds. That means instead of a 75 lb. pic, you will be all blessed with an 80 pounds lost pic this weekend or early next week.

A Letter I Wish I Could Have Written 10 Years Ago

2008-04-10T15:26:00.002-04:00

Hi Self,

I have been here with you for the past 34 years. I know that you are tired and that you want to play with your son and that you just get way too tired.

People love you for who you are, but I know that you aren't happy with yourself. The way that clothing fits, how tight theater and airline seats are, feeling like people are watching you eat, the pain in your feet and back.

I know that you are scared to lose weight because of things that have happened in the past. You are incarcerated in the fat and flab that you think protects you. It isn't protecting you. It is imprisoning you.

Just start today. Just give it a shot. It works. Really! I know you can do it. I am here waiting for you. The freedom you will feel is exhilarating.

You will feel sexy and energetic. Your clothing will fit and look good on you. Men will notice your confidence and you will get the attention that you never thought you deserved.

You will still be loved. But now you will be inspiring and respected and admired.

P.S. It isn't as hard as you think it is.

Love,

Random Bar Conversations

2008-04-01T12:14:00.000-04:00

This is an actual conversation that I had with a guy at the club. I had previously scoped him out for my friend Eric to find out if he was gay or straight. He was straight but followed me back to my table so I quickly introduced him to a girl that I had befriended at the table next to mine.

Me: It looks like you are having luck at the bar. Are you taking her home with you?

Him: I would rather take you home with me.

Me: I'm celibate.

Him: I'm Rodney.

And that is why I doubt that I will ever meet a Mensa member at the club.

Meh!

2008-03-19T17:35:00.003-04:00

Well, I had my date last night. We met at a small bar for a drink and sat and chatted for about an hour.

Me, smarty pants that I am, had a self imposed time limit on the date. I promised my babysitter that I would be home by 8:00 which forced me to leave an hour after I arrived. I think that it was a good thing.

My date, we'll call him Martin, looked a bit older than his 32 years. He grew up in California and has a passion for fishing and so this could account for the lines around his eyes and mouth. What it didn't explain is why he talked like a fifty year old man.

I am not sure how to explain this. He talked like a 50 year old life long smoker. The way his mouth moved. It was very strange. I knew that he was only 32 but he looked 15 years older.

I was fine with him looking older, heck, it makes me look younger still. But, I doubt that I will see him again.

Almost the entire time we were talking, he was bad mouthing his ex-wife and her family. It was obvious that there are a lot of issues that he has yet to work through in regards to the dissolution of that relationship while still having to be in contact with her because of their child.

I totally understand. I was there myself for a few years. It can be so frustrating that it can nearly consume you. But I have moved past that and don't want to really deal with the baggage that comes along with emotions being so close to the surface.

On a brighter note, I have been asked out on a date by Aaron, a very sweet guy that I met Saturday night. Not sure if he is my type either, but I have no problem going on a date with him to get to know him better.

This is not the guy that called me when I was at work. His name is John and we chatted for a few minutes while I was headed to meet Martin last night. Hopefully he will call me again. He is the closest to what I would consider my type of all of the men that I have met recently.

I should have decided that I didn't want to date a long time ago. I would probably be married by now... LOL

Freaking Out Right Now

2008-03-18T17:23:00.002-04:00

I have a date. A semi-blind date. We have seen photos of each other and talked on the phone but haven't met in person.

I haven't had a date since July of 2006. I am really nervous.

I don't know why I am freaking out. He has seen photos from before I started losing weight to photos that were taken last Saturday. He knows what I look like and what to expect.

Maybe I am nervous because for the first time, there is a bit of potential. He is funny, good looking and a great conversationalist.

On a very strange note...his ex wife has the same name as I do.. then we found out that we both work in the insurance industry. Then we found out that his ex and I work for the same company.

I don't know her. She works in a different building. I just thought that the coincidences were very strange.

How crazy is that?

Oh, and while I was writing this, I got a call from another gentlemen that I met. I was still at work and told him that I would call him right back.

All of this right when I decided that I wasn't looking to date.

Call The Fire Department (Yeah, I Am That Hot)!

2008-03-10T11:41:00.006-04:00

I went out with my friends on Saturday night dancing and had a fantastic time. I had a few drinks and met a few people but the best part is that I just felt sexy as hell the entire night.

I even have evidence...

I was uploading this photo and I realized, I am one sexy bitch.

For the past 5-10 years I have just felt diminished as a person the larger that I became. I am finally starting to feel like the hot, sexy woman that I deserve to be.

When I compared the photo to my previous favorite photo (seen below), I am finally realizing how far I have come (68 pounds down so far ...Holla!) and the fact that I am only half way to my goal weight doesn't mean that I am not allowed to feel sexy until then.

I spent half the night dancing with a 25 year old cutie and definitely worked off (most) of the calories that I consumed in the Rum and diet Cokes that I drank.

I just feel so damn fabulous.

P.S. What do you think about the bangs? I ♥ them!

Mo' Money! Mo' Money!

2008-02-13T15:03:00.001-05:00

I have been reading for weeks about the death knell of CRT televisions or any kind of television without a high definition receiver. I was reading article after article to try and see how much the converter boxes were going to run and which converter box would work the best for me etc. etc. etc.

It didn't take long for me to realize that as long as you have cable you were good to go without a converter box.

Then my TV died. It was 10 years old and worked perfectly up until yesterday morning. It started fading. You could still see the picture but it looked like it had been out in the sun for a year. Then the flickering started and occasionally it would black out to a thin line and then go back to full screen. It would do this a few times and then go back to the faded picture again.

I have a really large living room so anything smaller than a 30 inch screen would look like a dollhouse TV. I started pricing out all of the televisions out there and although I knew that they were pricey, I didn't realize exactly how expensive they were. To get an HDTV with the same screen size was going to cost at least $559.00 and that was the super cheap ones.

I don't know about you, but I don't have $600 lying around to use willy nilly on anything that I want. I tend to budget things and even with my quarterly bonus and tax return, I had pretty much already allocated them to other things like paying the hospital bill, airline tickets to Seattle this summer and paying off a credit card.

I am not a techie. I don't have to have the latest and greatest and frankly, it pisses me off that the majority of stores no longer even carry the CRT style of television that is less than half the price of the Plasma, LCD, Projection styles for the same screen size.

Sears is one of the few stores that still sells them and they were pretty reasonably priced at $299.00 for a 32 inch model. I probably would have gone there to purchase a new TV, but instead started scouring Craigslist.

If my TV was going to go on the fritz, this is the perfect time. Lots of people upgraded to HD or Plasma for the SuperBowl and want to get rid of their old TV. I was able to find a 32 inch television that is only 2 years old for $150 and a 25 inch that is 4 years old for $70. Since the television in my bedroom is borrowed and REALLY old, I figured that since I could get two televisions for less than a new CRT one, that is what I would do.

I will be picking them both up on Friday. Then I won't go cross-eyed when I am trying to watch the Biggest Loser episode that is currently sitting on my TiVo.

When Love Is Not Enough

2008-01-31T11:10:00.000-05:00

I know that I haven't been posting much. My life is very hectic right now but I wanted to pop in and give you an update.

I am down 62.5 pounds so far for an average weekly weight loss of 1.8 pounds. I know that the first 60 pounds made a big difference, but I think that the next 60 pounds lost will be incredible to see.

My next goal is 75 pounds lost by April 1. I am pretty sure that I can hit that goal and will be sure to post photos.

I still read everyone's blogs and although I rarely comment, I want you to know that I enjoy everything.

One blog in particular , Boobs, Injuries & Dr. Pepper, had a post that made me cry but also made me angry and proud.

PLEASE, PLEASE go and read it here:

http://boobsinjuriesanddrpepper.blogspot.com/2008/01/will-write-for-food.html

I have never donated to someone based on a blog post, but I did today. Go and read it and I know that you will do what you can.

Going to call my Nana kisses,

Rachel

Mac Attack

2008-01-17T22:40:00.000-05:00

I was around 11 or 12 and had just boiled noodles for macaroni and cheese and realized that I needed the strainer.

I bent down the get the strainer and failed to notice that my hand was still on the handle of the pot and it was sitting on the counter right above me and accidentally dumped boiling hot water on my head.

Genius that I am, I always put butter in the water to give the noodles a better taste. Of course, this helps keep the heat in too.

I screamed and ran into the bathroom and stuck my head under the bathtub faucet. My mom brought me a bucket and we filled it and I stood there leaning over the side of the bathtub with my head in the bucket of cold water for about 20 - 30 minutes.

When I was feeling better and had my hair in a towel, my mom brought me a bowl of the macaroni and cheese (the noodles had stayed in the pan). I didn't want it, but when me sister told my mom that she was stupid for bringing it to me because there was no way that I would want it after I dumped the boiling water on my head, I ate it and told my mom that it was really good so that I didn't hurt her feelings.

Got any good stories about hurting yourself?

Chuffage ~ A Tale of Two Stomachs

2008-01-14T12:13:00.000-05:00

Sunday dinner is a big thing at my house. My room mate makes a big dinner and invites lots of people over.

Last night was "Soul Food Sunday". Fried chicken, greens, mac & cheese, cornbread and a salad. I started out great with about 1/2 cup mac & cheese, a huge salad, 1 small piece of cornbread and 1 piece of boneless skinless chicken that had been breaded and fried.

I ate my meal and was pleasantly full. I didn't want anything else.

About an hour later I went into the kitchen and everything still looked so good, I made myself another place with more mac & cheese, another piece of chicken and 2 pieces of cornbread.

I basically inhaled it and within 2 minutes of eating everything I had shooting pains in my stomach and major cramping. I haven't felt that way ever. I was on the couch doubled over in pain. I went to the bathroom and most of what I had eaten came back up.

It was just too much for my body and my smaller stomach to handle.

Before WW I could have eaten that and gone back for dessert.

I did track everything and before the chuffage, my dinner came to 38 points. After the chuffage I took back half of the weeklies that I had used (11 out of 22).

I definitely learned my lesson last night.

Wordless Hump Day Hottie

2008-01-09T13:12:00.000-05:00

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Michelangelo's David

Hump Day Hottie

2007-12-19T06:28:00.000-05:00

This weeks Hump Day Hottie was born in a small town in Washington State in October of 1973 to BonBon, a home maker, and Den, a pulp mill worker. She had two older siblings, Ria and MacKeiver.

She grew up less than an hour from the ocean and had regular trips there during her childhood whether it was to fly kites, clam dig or play in the surf.

When she was 10, her parents divorced and at the age of 14 her mother remarried and she moved over 2 hours away near Mt. Rainier. She hated it there. The nearest "town" was 7 miles away and to get to school it wasn't even the short bus, but the school districts station wagon that picked her up.

Between her Junior and Senior year, she moved again into the city, but missed her friends from school and continued on with school just to graduate, not making many friends her last year because the classes that were Senior classes in her old school, were Freshman classes in her new one.

Probably the worst decision she ever made was to not go to college, but instead worked at such jobs like Dairy Queen, Sbarro's, and a 7-Eleven type store. She did get promoted to the corporate office, but was downsized just a year later.

At the age of 24, this weeks Hump Day Hottie gave birth to her only child, Devon and then 3 months later relocated to Michigan, where she still resides today.

Currently, this weeks HDH works as an insurance agent and has recently lost over 50 pounds on Weight Watchers.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ RachelG1016

The Television Dilemma

2007-12-17T16:10:00.000-05:00

You know that the TiVo pickings are getting slim when you are excited about having your soap opera recorded every day so that you at least have SOMETHING to watch.

Most of the weekly shows that I watch are either done for the season because they ran out of episodes, or they are spacing them out and putting a filler show in every other week or so.

Some of the shows did a pretty decent mid-season finale considering that they don’t have anything else to show us, such as Desperate Housewives.

Now I am having a dilemma. What shows should I start recording now that my usual picks are done 6 months early? I can only watch so many Little People, Big World episodes and Big Brother 9 doesn’t start until February (I do have to say that I am really excited about it coming 6 months early).

I am sure that the new Survivor series will start relatively soon along with American Idol, but to be honest with you, I can’t handle watching ONLY reality tv. I need some dialogue that is scripted!! I need talented actors that can convey more than annoyance, boredom and cockiness.

I am also totally bummed that the second season of Dexter is over. I found it this season and am now totally addicted. I am planning on going to get the first season on DVD so that I can sit and learn some more of the back story. Michael C. Hall ROCKS!!!

What are you planning to TiVo or to watch in lieu of your favorite shows?

I Hope Turning 50 Feels As Good As This

2007-12-13T10:03:00.000-05:00

I walked into my meeting last night with trepidation. I knew that I had stuck to the program, but was it enough to reach my short term goal of 50 pounds? I didn't know but since I had given myself until the day after Christmas to reach it I was OK either way. After putting my jacket in a chair, I went to the bathroom (every little bit helps) and then head to the front desk.

Lisa (my meeting leader) greeted me and we chatted for a few moments while she got me a new tracking booklet as I had used the last spot on the first one the week before. I took off my zip up hoodie and shoes and step on the scale.

It always takes a few seconds for the weight to come up but we can't see it. They have it only on the screen that they can see. It seems like it takes forever.

Lisa looked at me and said "How do you think you did?"

I replied saying, "I think that I hit my goal", meaning that I reached my 50 pound loss goal.

She waits a few more seconds and said, "You are down 50.1 pounds!"

I laughed and gave Lisa a high 5.

During the meeting she presented me with my 50 pound keyring and asked me to tell people what I am doing to lose weight.

I discussed food journaling, not grazing or inadvertantly snacking and also exercising. The same things that I have talked about every other time when I hit a milestone.

I went home and told my room mate and called a few friends. Everyone was really excited that I had hit my goal 2 weeks early and I went out with a few friends to celebrate. I drank water and sang some karaoke and met some cool people. One guy even had the bartender send me a drink because I sang his favorite Christmas song. I felt bad that I didn't drink it, but I had already used my daily points so I made sure that I thanked him and subtly moved it over to where there were a few more drinks sitting in front of other people.

This morning I went online trying to find anything that shows what 50 pounds of fat looks like, but I could only find 1 pound and 5 pounds. So, here is a photo of 5 pounds of fat. I have lost 10 of these.

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten my promise. I will be posting a full length photo of myself sometime this weekend. I will also be posting some full body before photos as well so that you can see the difference.

Hump Day Hottie ~ Guest Post

2007-12-05T09:29:00.000-05:00

Today’s HDH was born in Umbria, Italy on September 30, 1964. Her mother was a painter and her father owned a trucking company.

She speaks Italian, French, and English fluently and has acted in each of these languages, as well as Aramaic.

She began modeling at age 16. She initially went to school to become a lawyer, and by modeling, she helped finance her tuition while at the University of Perugia. In 2004, while pregnant with her daughter, she posed nude for the Italian Vanity Fair magazine in protest against Italian laws that allow only married couples to use in-vitro fertilization and that prevent the use of donor sperm.

Her English film career began in 1992 as one of Dracula’s brides in Bram Stoker’s Dracula. She is perhaps best known for her role as Persephone in The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions followed by her portrayal of Mary Magdalene in The Passion of the Christ. Out of her all her movies roles, my personal favorite was when she played a doctor in Nigeria being rescued by U.S. forces in Tears of the Sun. If you are looking for a good horror film, I highly recommend 2001’s Brotherhood of the Wolf, in which she also stars.

She is married to fellow actor Vincent Cassel (lucky guy!), with whom she has appeared in several films and had a daughter, named Deva, born September 12, 2004.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie (courtesy of Jaybird) is ~ Monica Bellucci

Thoughts On The Past Six Months

2007-12-04T09:20:00.001-05:00

I have one day to go to make it a full 6 months on Weight Watchers. I started on June 13th, and this week is week 26 for me.

In the past 6 months I have lost 44.5 pounds which is nearly a third of my total goal of 147.5. That is amazing to me. Six months ago I was busting out of my 24's and now my 20's are getting too big. My feet have gone down a size and my ring finger has gone from a 10 to at least a 7.

I feel so much better. I can sleep the whole night through and not have horrible back pain in the morning. I can go dancing and be on the floor for 3-4 hours and my legs don't ache and my feet barely hurt, even when I wear heels.

I feel attractive again. I used to feel like I was the biggest, ugliest person in the room. Now, I might be the biggest sometimes, but I know how far I have come and that I am becoming as beautiful on the outside as my friends tell me that I am on the inside.

I have had a few splurges like birthdays and last Monday with my 20 point leftover extravaganza, but I haven't ever felt like I was being deprived and I never went over my weekly points except for the time that my son was in the hospital. I feel better, I look better, heck, I probably even smell better now that I don't have fat and grease from fast food in my body.

I don't know if I ever would have started this journey if it wasn't for my mom. She offered to pay for WW for the first 3 months as a birthday present and I almost turned her down. I would have been a fool to do that. I love the program and the people that I have met while on it.

People say that they won't change if they lose a lot of weight. I want to change. I want to be a more confident person. I want to feel that I am worth something and I can't wait until I see my mothers face when she sees me for the first time after I have lost so much weight. She lives on the other side of the country and I won't see her until next summer. I hope that I will be down 100 pounds by then.

I never thought that I would stick it out. I have no willpower. What I discovered is that if I want it bad enough, and I take it seriously enough, I can achieve whatever I put my mind to.

Thank you to EVERYONE on here who has inspired me, given me a wakeup call or made me take myself not so seriously and filled my day with laughter.

P.S. ~ Only 5.5 pounds to go before I post a full body photo (I will be clothed LOL)

Hump Day Hottie

2007-11-28T10:55:00.000-05:00

This weeks HDH was born on September 18, 1973 in Stillwater, OK. He has 2 sisters and 2 brothers.

He was a member of the Delta Tau Delta Fraternity when he attended Oklahoma State University.

He is a former Versace model.

His got his first acting job on the pilot episode of The Nanny.

He also appeared on other shows such as Saved By The Bell and Party of Five.

He lost out to Edward Norton for a role in Primal Fear and turned down the lead role in 54 which late went to Ryan Phillippe.

He has been married to Lisa Linde since 2000 and has 2 children, Jack and Mary James.

His is most famous for his role as Cyclops in the X-Men trilogy and as Lois Lane’s love interest in Superman Returns but many women will recognize him as Lon Hammond Jr. from The Notebook or as Corny Collins in Hairspray.

He is currently starring as Prince Edward in the Disney movie Enchanted.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ James Marsden

My Brilliance On Display

2007-11-26T09:37:00.001-05:00

Friday was a very busy day for me. I was up at 5:30 and out of the house at 5:40 to arrive at Target right when they opened at 6:00 to get some of the early bird specials. I got the items that I went out there to get and continued shopping until around 11:30.
I got home and tried to rest, but couldn’t relax enough so I got up, started a load of laundry and then brought out the Christmas tree and boxes of decorations.
After testing 600 lights, I discovered that only 100 of them worked anymore so I went down to the local Family Dollar and purchased 400 more lights, found the perfect door wreath and a couple of cute decorations and headed home.
While I was out, I went to grab my cell phone to call my room mate Rico, but I couldn’t find it anywhere. I remembered that I had stuck it in my jeans pocket the night before when I was out doing something and I got a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I came home, looked around the house and then headed towards the back room, opened up the washing machine and located my phone in my jeans pocket, soaked and not working.
I took out the battery and left it open overnight to try and dry it out, hoping against hope that the beautiful pink Razr that Hilly from Snackipoo.com had given me would give me a Christmas miracle and work.
The next morning, I turned on the phone and it worked!!! It came on and although it had a bit of clouding on the screen, the graphics were fine. But the sim card wasn’t. It kept telling me to insert the sim card. I took it out, put it back in and nothing.
So, I headed down to the nearest AT&T (formerly Cingular) store to get a new sim card. When I arrived there, everyone was very nice and I explained what happened. They inserted a new sim card and nothing happened. Apparently, it wasn’t the sim card, but the phone itself. It was pronounced dead, by drowning, on Saturday afternoon.
It was time to get a new phone and I pretty much knew what I wanted, but I had no idea what it would cost or what it entailed. After 30-40 minutes, I walked out of the AT&T store, the happy new owner of the Blackberry Pearl Red. Thankfully it was on sale with a case and car charger included, but it still cost me over $240.00 which put a kink in the rest of my Christmas shopping over the weekend. Thank goodness that I am over 80% done with my shopping and only have about another $150 worth of things to buy.

Poking My Head In To Say Hello

2007-11-15T14:00:00.000-05:00

I know it’s been some time since I have posted anything other than Hump Day Hotties and there is actually a good reason. Well, a few good reasons, but that is neither here nor there.

First off, they have severely restricted the time at work that we can go on the internet. Basically breaks and lunches. This of course, cuts into my surfing time and blogging time.
Secondly, I have been waiting until I hit another weight loss milestone before posting and it has taken a bit longer than I expected it to. This month my weight loss slowed down a bit which is quite frustrating considering that I am working out regularly.

For those of you who have followed the whole weight loss thing, you remember that I disclosed my beginning weight of 287.5 pounds and that my total goal is to get to 148 pounds for a weight loss of 139.5 pounds.

Well, I weighed in yesterday and I am officially down 39.5 pounds, which means that I have exactly 100 pounds left to go. My next mini goal is to hit a 50 pound weight loss by Christmas, which gives me 6 weeks to lose 10.5 pounds. Totally doable.

I am now unable to wear the pants that I wore when I started Weight Watchers. I have a co-worker that had gastric bypass and gave her at least 6 pairs of pants so far. I am still able to wear my jeans as long as I wash and dry them on high heat, but even those are getting to the point where I am going to have to replace them. Too bad. I LOVE my jeans.

I decided to change from the treadmill to the elliptical and it has made quite a difference in my workouts. I so far have made it about 23 minutes on the elliptical (originally I made it about 3) at a pace of approximately 110 paces per minute which for my weight burns about 850 calories an hour. Today I burned about 275 in 20 minutes. Then I did some weights for my arms.

I still struggle with the abdomen. I am just not sure what is a good workout and they don’t really have much equipment in the workout room for the abs. While everything else is shrinking, my stomach hasn’t moved that much, which is frustrating. Before I had Devon, I had a flat stomach, even when I was a size 16.

People always think that I am a smaller size than I really am because I always had an hourglass shape even as big as I was. It was a slightly lumpy hourglass, but still. Now, I have a very feminine waistline and it flares out into a pear shaped bottom. It almost looks like two different bodies fused together with the bottom being a larger size than the top (except for my arms, which aren't slimming down as I had hoped)

I can give you a perfect example of my body style. I would post the photo, but as usual, Blogger is being a pain in the ass. So you can see what my body shape is by going here:

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/adam/images/en/different-types-of-weight-gain-picture.jpg

I am a perfect version of the one on the right.

I will try my best to be a more regular blogger and will be posting a full length photo as soon as I hit my 50 pound loss. That means that you all might get a really awesome Christmas present. Me!!!

Hump Day Hottie

2007-11-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

This weeks HDH was born on March 25, 1979 in Chicasha, OK.

He spent several years in Saudi Arabia as a young child where his father was in the oil business and then later moved to Houston.

In 1997 he was accepted to the Julliard School’s drama division and graduated with a BFA.

He was nominated twice for the Lucille Lortel Award for Outstanding Actor when he performed in some off-Broadway plays.

He first gained recognition for his role in the 2003 film Soldier's Girl. He played the central role of Calpernia Addams, a trans-gendered woman dating Army soldier Barry Winchell (played by Troy Garity). Winchell was subsequently murdered because of his sexuality and his relationship with Addams. Of the role, HDH said:

"Not even my excellent training at Juilliard prepared me for my first movie role, where I played a transsexual who falls in love with a military guy in Soldier's Girl. Here I was, this 6'3" 190-pound lanky kid from Chickasha, Oklahoma, not knowing how to begin being a woman. So I saw documentaries about transsexuals, I lost twenty-five pounds, and I put on prosthetic boobs and hips to become that character. There were times I'd look in the mirror and wonder 'what am I doing to my life here? My dad is going to kill me!' But the reason I went into acting was to be able to play parts as complicated and important as this one. In playing a transsexual, I got the chance to help change people's perspective about other people and that is a powerful thing. I'm playing a swashbuckling bandit in my next film, but I'll always be proud of Soldier's Girl."

He won a Gotham Award for Breakthrough Actor and was nominated for several other awards, including a Golden Globe, for his work in this film.

HDH played Aaron Tyler in the acclaimed, short lived 2004 TV series Wonderfalls, which was co-created by Bryan Fuller. Fuller has cast HDH in the lead role of Ned in his new series, Pushing Daisies.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Lee Pace

Hump Day Hottie

2007-10-31T10:09:00.001-04:00

This weeks HDH was born on September 17, 1951 in Manhattan, KS.

The Guinness Book of World Records cited her as the youngest showgirl in Las Vegas history

She briefly dated Elvis Presley.

In the early 1980’s she created a character that is well known through today. She changes her appearance so drastically that people don’t recognized her out of costume.

She has appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson and many other talk shows.

She did guest rolls on TV dramas such as CHiPS, The Fall Guy and Fantasy Island.

While hosting her own, self titled show, she adopted the flippant tone of a California valley-girl, she brought a satirical, sarcastic edge to her commentary without ever being crass or mean-spirited. And like a macabre Mae West, she reveled in dropping risque double entendres as well as making frequent jokes about her eye-popping display of cleavage.

Although she is typically correlated to the Halloween festivities, this weeks HDH is beloved all year round.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Cassandra Peterson a.k.a. "Elvira, Mistress of the Dark"

Hump Day Hottie ~ Guest Post

2007-10-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

The phantom HDH poster has returned. This weeks' HDH is a little different. I wanted to change things up a little,just because I like to confuse people or at least make them wonder. Instead of being on a person this time it is the showTV show and it's main characters. There have been about 13 repeat characters and even a pair of muppets have shown up. One of the regualr cast members is also a licensened EMT and pursued a medical internship. How come I could never find a contractor like Paige or Tracy.

The show began as a special on November 3, 2003 and became a regular series on Feburary 15, 2004. It is one of it's networks highest rated shows. Originally it was a spinoff from another show that did not enjoy the same success. Children should always let their parents win. The parent show has since been removed from the normal lineup of shows. There are even reruns on a cable network starting as of August 7, 2007. Great more reruns to burn my brain cells.

The shows' main character was on another networks' remodeling show before coming to this one. International versions have even aired in Greece and Scandinavia, later this year Mexico and the UK will be added. I wonder what they think about a guy yelling into a bull horn. No wonder we are called crazy Americans.

So far this show has had 97 episodes including the special. That makes 97 families that have been touched in an amazing way. Most are 1 hour shows with the few exceptions of a few that go 2 hours. This is usually because of a complication or a complicated build. This show does in 7 days what it takes most builders 6 to 9 months to do. In those 7 days the community and even some celebrities make cameo appearances. Mst be for their community service time for driving to fast while playing their car mounted x-boxes.

There has been some cristism and even a lawsuit stating that the most eligible family was not choosen or even that the show did not hold up their end of the bargin. Regardless, helping a family out to this extent is something that all people should be willing to do. The premise of this show and what these 'designers' do is to pick a needy family and build them a new home. Usually the family has an ailing child, mainly because children get better ratings and this is still a network that has to worry about the ratings.

This weeks Hump Day Hotties are ~ The Extreme Makeover Home Edition team.

Insert < expletive > Here

2007-10-23T10:21:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I was over at my friend Lady’s house along with Funny Girl and Aria to have an old fashioned slumber party. It was a great time and fun was had by all. And although my male readers will probably fantasize about 4 women running around in pajamas being silly, I won’t go into detail.

The following morning we were watching some episodes of Sex & The City and eating a delightful breakfast of fresh fruit and cinnamon rolls. We were all seated in the den and Lady was petting her cat Turtle when all of a sudden, Turtle launches himself off of Lady’s chest, digging his back claws into her bosoms.

The next thing I heard was “Christ On A Pony”, which was Lady’s expletive of choice in response to the pain inflicted by Turtles claws.

Funny Girl, Aria and I burst out laughing because none of us had ever heard that euphemism.

It got me thinking about some of the things that we use in every day conversation that really make no sense. And we wonder why people choose not to learn the English language considering that we have mutilated it beyond comprehension in many ways.

Here were some of the expletives that I remember from my childhood and also some that I have heard others say.

Dag Nabbit
Cotton Pickin’
My Stars & Garters
Shut The Front Door
Fuck Me Running
Jesus Crisis
Cheese & Rice
Mother, Jugs & Speed
Jesus Christ In A Sidecar
Good Lord & Butter, Mort
Holy Hell
Geez & Crackers
Jesus Henrietta Ballsley
Judas Priest

Of course, some of these are used as an alternative for taking the Lord’s name in vain such as Cheese & Rice instead of Jesus Christ.

On the other hand, there are some that I have absolutely NO idea how they came to fruition such as My Stars & Garters and Dag Nabbit. (Good Lord & Butter, Mort is actually from an old cartoon strip, or so I was told)

Now that I have such a plethora of expletives to use, I don’t know if I will have to resort to the usual Shit, Fuck or Dammit!

Hump Day Hottie

2007-10-17T12:12:00.000-04:00

Trying a new format. Let me know what you think.

1. Born on September 11, 1967 in New Orleans, LA.

2. Provided the soundtrack for the movie When Harry Met Sally.

3. Made his screen debut in Memphis Belle.

4. In 1990 his double platinum album titled We Are in Love earned him his second consecutive Grammy for Best Jazz Male Vocal.

5. Was nominated for an Academy Award and a Golden Globe in 1991 for his song contribution to the Godfather III soundtrack.

6. Was arrested in 1992 and charged with having a 9 mm pistol in his possession at JFK international airport. After spending a day in jail, he agreed to make a public-service television commercial warning against breaking gun laws. The court agreed to drop all charges if he stayed out of trouble for six months.

7. Has appeared in the following movies: Memphis Belle, Little Man Tate, Copycat, Independence Day, Excess Baggage, Hope Floats, Wayward Son, My Dog Skip, The Simian Line, Life Without Dick, Basic, Mickey, & Bug.

8. His albums range from Swing, Traditional Pop, Pop Rock and Jazz-Funk.

9. He is married to model Jill Goodacre and has 3 daughters and currently resides in Connecticut.

10. As a native son of New Orleans, he spent several days touring the city, to draw attention to the plight of the stranded citizens and also helped organize and appeared in the NBC live telethon for relief in the wake of Hurricane Katrina.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Harry Connick Jr.

It's My Birthday Bitches!!!!!!!

2007-10-16T08:51:00.000-04:00

Let the festivities commence.

Seriously though, every birthday, people seem to love to give compliments to the birthday boy/girl.

This year, I want you to tell me something fantastic about yourself. All of us have something about ourselves that we think is pretty awesome, and I want to know what is superawesome about you.

Something about me that is superawesome, is that I am a good singer. Even though the only thing that I do with my singing is annoy the shit out of my son and have a great time at karaoke with my peeps, I am still a good singer. I can even sing some opera.

Sometimes You Don't Want To Know The Answer

2007-10-11T09:53:00.000-04:00

My roommates best friend is big into working out. He found out a month ago that I am on WW and have been losing weight and that I was starting to work out.

The past few weeks he asks me how I did for the week and is very supportive and tells me about new exercises that I can fit into my routine. It actually helps a lot.

Well, last week I lost 3 pounds and this week I lost 1.8 pounds and he acted all disappointed and wanted to know why I lost "only 1.8 pounds". I told him that it was still a loss and I am right on target.He wouldn't stop asking so I leaned over and said very loudly in his ear "Because I am on my period!!!"

He got so embarrassed and was back-pedaling so fast I couldn't help but laugh. I am all about the encouragement that he gives me, but it irritated me that he thought that 1.8 pounds wasn't much of a loss. I seriously almost smacked him.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-10-10T00:00:00.000-04:00

This weeks HDH was born Heather Renee Sweet on September 28, 1972 to a manicurist mother and machinist father.

HDH is well known for her fascination with 1940s cinema and classic retro style. This began at a young age and was fostered by her mother, who would buy clothes for her to dress up in. Her mother was a fan of old, Golden-era Hollywood films, and it was from her that she developed a fascination with the actresses of that day, especially Betty Grable, an actress that she frequently cites as her favorite.

She was classically trained as a ballet dancer from an early age, and danced solo at age thirteen for a local ballet company. Though she originally wanted to be a ballerina, she states that "By 15 I was as good as I’d ever be."

As a teenager, HDH's mother took her to buy her first bra, made from plain white cotton, and gave her a plastic egg containing a pair of wrinkly, flesh-colored tights. HDH says she was disappointed as she had been hoping to receive beautiful lacy garments and stockings, of the type she had glimpsed in her father's Playboy magazines . This fueled her passion for lingerie. She worked in a lingerie store as a salesgirl when she was fifteen, and eventually as a buyer. This was where she got her first corset. She has been fond of wearing elaborate lingerie such as corsets and stockings since.

In college, HDH studied historic costuming and aspired to work as a stylist for period films. She is a trained costume designer.

HDH began her career in a local strip club when she was nineteen. Disappointed with the lack of originality in all the other strippers' acts, HDH created a vintage-inspired look, with beehive hairstyle and elbow-length gloves, confusing and fascinating the clientele.

It was during this time at the strip club that she began some glamor modeling, before she eventually became a fetish model . Her retro pin-up look, frequently emulating Bettie Page in photo shoots, set her apart from most other fetish models.

HDH achieved some level of recognition in the fetish world as a tightlacer. Through the wearing of a corset for many years, she had reduced her natural waistline to 22 inches, and can be laced down as far as 16 and a half inches. A diminutive person already, she stands at only 5'3" and weighs 105 pounds.

It is HDH's burlesque routines that she is best known for, and is frequently dubbed "the Queen of Burlesque" in the press. She began performing burlesque in 1993 and, as a proponent of New Burlesque, has helped to popularize its revival. In her own words, she "puts the tease back into striptease" with long, elaborate dance shows with props and characters, often inspired by 1930s and 1940s musicals and films. Some of her more famous dances include numbers involving a carousel horse, a giant powder compact, a filigree heart and a claw-toe bathtub with a working shower head. Her feather fan dance, inspired by burlesque dancer Sally Rand , features feather fans that are the largest in the world and are now on display in Hollywoods' Museum of Sex. Her signature show features a giant martini glass.

In recent years, the fashion world has come to accept HDH and her retro look, and she has appeared on a number of best-dressed lists. HDH states that she never uses a stylist. "The one time I hired a stylist, they picked up a pair of my 1940s shoes and said, "These would look really cute with jeans." I immediately said, 'You’re out of here.'" She does her own make-up, and dyes her naturally blonde hair black at home.

HDH currently resides in Hollywood. She is a collector of vintage china, particularly eggcups and tea sets, and she drives a 1939 Chrysler New Yorker.

HDH became somewhat of a household name when she married shock rocker Marilyn Manson on November 28, 2005. After filing for divorce in December, 2006 she left their house empty-handed on Christmas Eve, and was unable to get in touch with Mason to inform him of her intentions of a divorce. Citing irreconcilable differences and a relationship with another girl as her reasons for divorcing Manson.

Although this weeks HDH wears vintage furs, she is currently spokewoman for a PETA campaign called ABC (Animal Birth Control).

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Dita Von Teese

Un-Charitable

2007-10-09T09:27:00.001-04:00

The company that I work for is a big contributor to United Way. Every year we receive a form that we MUST fill out where we have the option of having money taken out of our paycheck to donate. The company matches 75% of all donations, which is great.

What I don't like is that the incentive they use to get us to donate is a free personal day. Why does it bother me? Well, because I really want that extra personal day and I don't think that it is kosher that I have to donate to a company that I normally wouldn't just to receive it. Why can't I donate to the Susan G. Komer Breast Cancer Association or to The American Alzheimer's Association? Those are charites that are much closer to my heart as my mother works in Oncology and Alzheimer's runs in my family.

The other thing that they make us do is we have to increase the amount of our donation every year to qualify for that personal day. Because I have worked here for almost 8 years I pay 7-8x's more for that same personal day as someone who has been here for a year. Right now I am at about $80 per year for that personal day. It isn't much, but compared to someone else who pays $12 for the same day, it kinda chaps my hide.

Don't get me wrong, I like to donate to charity. I don't mind giving time to help others. What I do mind is being pressured into donating and the discrepancy in how much people are donating to receive the same benefit. I would rather they took the incentive of a personal day away completely so that I can donate the money that I grudgingly give United Way to a charity that I WANT to give to.

This reminds me of another thing that chaps my hide. Every Christmas Eve, the people who start their shift at 10:45 or later don't have to come in to work at all that day and get paid holiday pay for the entire day. Me? I have to come in at 8:45 and work until 12. I get paid holiday pay for the rest of the day and am not given comp time for the 3 hours and 15 minutes that I am required to work.

It just doesn't seem right or fair.

Onward To The Next Goal

2007-10-04T11:27:00.000-04:00

Two weeks ago I posted about how excited I was that I had hit my first milestone weight loss goal of 25 pounds. Weight Watchers sets a slightly different goal to start off with. Your first major milestone goal is to lose 10% of your initial weight when starting the program.

I remember that I disclosed that weight back in June and I don't mind sharing it with you again. When I started WW I weighed in at a whopping 287.5 pounds and according to WW my first major milestone was to lose 28 pounds.

Since starting to work out 2 weeks ago, I dropped 2.4 pounds the first week and dropped 3 pounds this week. That means that my total weight loss is 30.8 pounds. I reached my first 10% goal and received a nice key chain. They made a bit of a brouhaha about it which was kinda nice, but honestly it didn't matter. I am already focusing on my next goal.

I have 19.2 pounds to lose and I will hit 50 pounds gone. That seems enormous to me. Much bigger that 10%.

I can't wait to hit 50 gone and post some full length photos for you all.

I also want to say thank you to everyone who encourages me every day. My friends think that I am on a mission, which I am, but every time someone comments about how good I am doing or how great I look, it makes that mission that much easier to stick to.

You all rock!!!

Hump Day Hottie

2007-10-03T10:32:00.001-04:00

This will not be a regular HDH post. This time, I am giving the power to you to come up with your own Hump Day Hottie.

It doesn't have to be anyone famous, just someone you think is hot, whether it be personality, looks, charm, spirit or whatever turns you on. Tell us a bit about what makes this person hot to you in the comments.

Who is YOUR Hump Day Hottie?

Let's Get Physical

2007-10-02T08:51:00.000-04:00

I have been working out now every work day for 9 days straight. I haven't missed a day yet even after last Wednesday when I didn't get to bed until 2 a.m. I was up at 6:30 and out the door at 7:30 on my way to work out.

Usually when I arrive, I am the only one there. My work provides an exercise facility. It isn't huge or fancy, but it has 3 treadmills, 1 stair step, 1 elliptical, 1 stationary bike, free weights, a weight bench and some fancy machine that I have only seen 1 person use, but it looked cool.

There is no stereo in there right now because unfortunately, we have some sticky fingered employees that don't know how to leave things that don't belong to them alone. Hell, we have lunches missing out of the fridges and last week some bastard took the smart card out of the sattelite box in the workout room so we had no music and no television.

So, since I am dedicated to this new lifestyle I decided to get an MP3 player. That way, when some stupid bastard steals the smart card or if I don't feel like watching Good Morning America, I can put on my headphones and rock out to the workout music that I will be downloading.

I didn't get all fancy and order an iPod, but I did some research and discovered that the Sandisk Sansa models get really high ratings and are very reasonably priced. I didn't need something with a crapload of storage because this will be for workouts and the one that I got can have over 8 hours of music and it only has 512 megs of ram. That means that I can go 16 workouts and not have a repeat song. I think that is plenty. Eight hours for $23.99 including shipping, armband and case? Ya can't beat that. The only thing that I have to get will be new headphones because my ear canals are too small for normal ear buds. I am not sure if I will get over the head standard headphones or something different. We shall see. I don't mind trying a few different ones to find the perfect ones for me.

I have already compiled a list of songs that I will be downloading while I have my 7 day free trial from Napster. I will include it at the end of this email but I want to ask you all something.

What workout songs get your pumped up and get you in the zone? I want to make sure that I have all kinds of genre's of songs but they must have that beat to keep me moving.

Here is my song list so far:

I'm Every Woman - Chaka Kahn
Eye Of The Tiger - Survivor
hey mama - Black Eyed Peas
My Humps - Fergie
Beat it - MJ
Physical - Olivia Newton John
This Love - Maroon 5
Holding Out For A Hero - Bonnie Tyler
We Belong - Pat Benetar
Hit Me With your Best Shot - Pat Benetar
Celebration - Kool & The Gang
Dirrty - Christian Aguilera
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Here I go again on my own - Whitesnake
Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye
Blinded By The Light - Manfred Mann
Crazy On You - Heart
Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
Bootylicious - Destiny's Child
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
I hate everything about you - 3 days grace
Pretty Fly (for a white guy) - Offspring
Zoot Suit Riot - Cherry Poppin' Daddys
I'll Be There for you - Rembrandts
Black Horse & A Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall
Hemmorage - Fuel
My Band - D12
Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson
Bad - MJ
Life is a highway - Rascal Flatt's
Don't speak - No Doubt
Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani
Shake your Bon Bon - Ricky Martin
Hey Ya - Outkast
Harder To Breathe -Maroon 5
Little Less Conversation - Elvis vs. JXL
Turn The Beat Around - Gloria Estefan
Gloria - Laura Brannigan
Play - J-lo
Ray of light - Madonna
Brick House - Commodores
Save A Horse - Big n Rich
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Devil Went Down To Georgia - Charlie Daniels
Talk Dirty To me -Poison
Girls girls girls- motley crue
1999 - prince
The Anthem - Good Charlotte
She F-in hates me
Walk This Way - Aerosmith
How Do you Want it - 2pac
Dancing Queen - Abba
Take a chance - abba
Stupid Girl - Garbage
Signed Sealed Delivered - Stevie Wonder
Virtual Insanity - Jamiroqui
Love in an elevator - Aerosmith
You Make Me Sick - Pink
Can't get you out of my head - kylie minogue
Playin' With the boys - Top Gun Soundtrack
Final Countdown- Europe
December 63 - Four Seasons
The Distance - Cake
Stronger - Britney
Like I Love You - Justin Timberlake
Song #2 - Blur
Just Like A Pill - Pink
La La - Ashlee Simpson
Shake Your Lovemaker - Cherry Poppin' Daddies
Born To Run - Bruce Springsteen
Walkin on Sunshine - Katrina & The Waves
Girls Just Wanna have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
I'm Just a Girl - No Doubt
Car Wash - Christina Aguilera
Get The Party Started - Pink
I'm Still Standing - Elton John
Ready Or Not - Fugee's
Beautiful Day - U2
Crazy In Love - Beyonce
P.I.M.P. - 50 cent
Hot in Herre - Nelly
Who are you - The who
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - Aretha Franklin
Call Me - Blondie
Who Knew -Pink
Add your own songs in the comments and I will add them to my list!

Hump Day Hottie

2007-09-26T10:17:00.000-04:00

This weeks HDH was born in 1981 in the great state of Arkansas. As a child it is rumored that she ate squirrels. “I did eat squirrels when I was a kid”, she commented, “ people in Arkansas just do – they’d think you were a freak if you ate squid there.”

Her band's breakthrough song "Standing in the Way of Control" was written by HDH as a response to her government's decision to deny gays the right to marriage in the U.S. "Nobody in the States was that surprised or shocked by what Bush did, but it made everyone I know feel helpless and cheated," she said. "I wrote the chorus to try and encourage people not to give up. It's a scary time for civil rights, but I really believe the only way to survive is to stick together and keep fighting."

HDH came to wider public attention in November 2006 when she was selected by NME as the coolest person in rock - being placed at number one in the magazine's annual 'Cool List'. The magazine cited her 'non-conformity’ as the reason for her selection - she is a lesbian, an outspoken advocate of gay rights, weighs around 210 lbs, and is also in a relationship with a trans-gendered individual who was born female but identifies as a man.

Recently she has refused to play in-store at Top Shop stores citing her dissatisfaction with their clothes range not available in her size. She went as far as to offer to design clothes for them saying, "Give me the job. I want to design. I want you to make clothes for big girls - big boys. I want you to make big sizes.”

She doesn't wear deodorant, and also doesn't shave her armpits. "I think punks usually smell." she claims.

She also believes in eating to obtain her "Goddess Curves". "The bigger the better, more sexy!" "I'm proud and sometimes I'll eat a whole bucket of chicken or two ice cream cartons, just to make sure I stay the way I am."

She is an outspoken feminist, and once commented that "Women aren't cats, we aren't pets, we are just people trying to cross the freaking street to get an ice-cream."

She is the lead vocalist of the American band Gossip.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Beth Ditto

Can You See A Difference?

2007-09-24T09:08:00.000-04:00

Here are the photos that I promised. I didn't get any full body pictures for the simple reason that I am not ready to post them all over the internet. Maybe when I hit a 50 pound loss, I will be ready to show my ass-ets. :)

Before

After

14 Weeks

2007-09-20T11:28:00.000-04:00

That is the time that it took me to reach my first major weight loss milestone. I have officially lost 25.3 pounds.

In some ways 25 pounds seems like an enormous amout of weight. For example. A 2 year old child weighs an average of 25 pounds. When I look at a 2 year old and think, I have lost as much as she weighs, that seems like a lot.

In other ways 25 pounds seems like nothing especially when I compare it to the amount that I want to lose. If I equate it with my final loss goal of 140 pounds gone, I am only 17.85% on the way to my total goal which means that I am not even 1/5th of the way there.

I guess it is all about perspective. My clothes are looser and there are at least 2 pairs of pants and one shirt that I can no longer wear because they are too big. When I lose another 10 pounds, I won't be able to wear at least 2 more pairs of pants.

In the past 2 weeks I have gotten a TON of comments about my weight loss. From people asking if I have lost weight to other people telling me that I look fantastic. For some reason, I have also gotten a lot of compliments on my hair. Not sure what that is about since I got it cut at the beginning of August but I will accept any positive comment.

Funny Girl wants to drop about 25 - 30 pounds. She isn't heavy by any means, but she wants to trim up a bit. So far she is down over 10 pounds in the same time frame and is looking fantastic. At least next summer her grandma won't be able to say that she looks like she hasn't lost weight.

I think that because we are in this together and that we keep each other accountable it makes it so much easier. And the fact that I cook a lot for Funny Girl doesn't hurt either.

I don't have any before or after pictures yet, but as soon as I have them, I will post them.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-09-19T10:35:00.001-04:00

This weeks Hump Day Hottie was born November 24, 1978 in Washington, D.C. to Paul, a financial executive & Nancy, a personal manager.

She has German and Irish Ancestry and was raised a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon). She had a strict upbringing and is the youngest of 4 children. She lived in Virginia and then Denver before her family settled in Connecticut, where she spend most of her childhood.

In 1986, her 15-year-old older brother Jason died of injuries suffered in a car accident, after being thrown from the back of a pickup truck. When doctors determined he was brain-dead following an eight-hour operation, the family decided to donate his organs. The family was never in any doubt that Jason would have wanted his organs and tissues donated for transplant. She is now a strong proponent of organ donation

As a child, her aunt took photos of her and sent them, with permission, to a number of modeling agencies. Within a few weeks, she was signed as a child model and soon was earning $75 per hour posing for Sears & Lord & Taylor catalogs. Her first television appearance was in a national spot for Cheerios.

She made her acting debut in 1992's That Night which was quickly followed by King Of The Hill and then her first leading roll in the 1994 comedy My Father The Hero. She then appeared in the 1995 action thriller Under Siege 2: Dark Territory with Steven Seagal.

In 1996 her parents divorced and her mother was diagnosed with cancer. After high school graduation, she moved with her mother to L.A. and her mother became her manager.

After working on movies for a few more years she turned her attention to television and accepted the role of Isobel Evans on the sci-fi drama Roswell. She continued to work on movies and tended to gravitate towards the horror genre but would also do made for TV movies like Love Comes Softly about a young pregnant newlywed traveling west.

In 2005 she was cast in what would become her most high-profile role, as intern Dr. Isobel (Izzie) Stevens on Grey's Anatomy. She won an Emmy last week for this role for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama series.

Also in 2006, she filmed Knocked Up, a comedy from writer/director Judd Apatow, starring opposite Seth Rogan. The film was a box office success.

She has been on FHM's "100 Sexiest Women in the World" list twice.

She is currently engaged to singer Josh Kelley, whom she met on the set of his music video for "Only You". The couple will marry in October of this year.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Katherine Heigl

Things Not To Say To Dirty Minded Gay Men

2007-09-17T09:45:00.000-04:00

I have two new roommates and I wrote about that a few weeks ago. Rico and Don and absolute gems but they constantly have their minds in the gutter. Of course, since mine is usually firmly entrenched there as well, it is a great combo.

Anyhoo... On Saturday I played in an inter-department slow pitch softball game for work. The first time in the outfield I played 2nd base, after that they put me in as the catcher. BTW, we won 15-5. I didn't score but I hit the ball 3 out of 4 times I was at bat and made it to 3rd.

For those of you who don't know, a very popular gay term for who gives and who receives during sex is the "Pitcher" (giver) and "Catcher" (receiver).

So when I was asked how the softball game when and replied "It was a lot of fun, I was the catcher and my thighs are KILLING me", you can just see where this comment made a downward spiral into the gutter.

My thighs WERE killing me and I am still feeling it today. Yesterday was the worst. I was doing laundry and have a front loading washer and dryer. Every time I would squat painfully down to put clothes in the washer or dryer, Rico would look at me and start to laugh all over again.

I cooked dinner last night and Rico made the salad and then I tossed it. At least I was smart enough not to ask him if he wanted me to toss his salad.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-09-12T11:45:00.000-04:00

This weeks Hump Day Hottie was born in London, England the son of a kitchen fitter and a hairdresser. His mother's family is Jewish and he has always referred to himself as "half Jewish" although he is not know to practice Judaism or any other faith.

Growing up his parents were fanatical football supporters and would frequently take him to the games. As a child he played for a local youth team called the Ridgeway Rovers that was coached by his father. In 1986 he was a mascot for a major football team.

He was part of a group of young players who won the FA Youth Cup in 1992 where he scored in the second leg of the final. After that he was a substitute in a league cup match and signed his first professional contract shortly after. He became a first string player in the 1994-1995 season and became a household name when he scored a spectacular goal from the halfway line that floated over the goal and into the net.

He continued to excel at football and by 2003 the income from his contract, and his many endorsement deals made him the highest-paid player in the world at the time and today his name is as instantly recognizable as Coca-Cola and IBM.

In 1999 he married his very famous wife and together they became one of the hottest couples around known as fashion plates and both of them have become lucrative spokespeople sought after by clothing designers, health and fitness specialists, fashion magazines, perfume and cosmetics manufacturers, hair stylists, exercise promoters, and spa and recreation companies.

In 2002 he was hailed as the ultimate "metrosexual" by the man who invented the term and has been described as such by scores of other articles since.

According to Google, this weeks HDH was searched for more than any other sports topic on their site in 2003 and 2004.

He has many tattoos on his body, one of which is the name of his wife, which was misspelled written in Hindi. He also has his 3 sons' names as well, Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz along with many other designs.

He and his wife and children re-located this year to Los Angeles, CA when this weeks HDH was preparing to start his first season with his new team, the LA Galaxy. The move was turned into a 2 hour reality show with the name of his wife and the subtitle "Coming To America".

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ David Beckham

The Worst Kind Of Crust

2007-09-10T09:50:00.000-04:00

I was shopping yesterday with Anne at Fashion Bug. She had some coupons and a gift certificate so she was trying on clothes in the changing room while I was sitting on a bench just outside so that I could give her my imput when she would model her clothing.

A woman asked to try some clothing on and I saw her walk past me. She was probably a size 18 had cute brown capri pants on with a patterned top. Her hair and makeup were done to perfection. On her feet she had tan mules with a flower applique on the top. All of this was noticed in a split second perusal while I was waiting in between mini runway shows from Anne.

Another second passed and my brain computed what I had seen in my quick perusal. I quickly look back at her shoes and noticed that she had the crustiest heels that I had seen in a LONG time. Seriously, there must be some kind of fungal thing going on or she hasn't ever heard of a pumice stone. It nearly turned my stomach.

Here was this woman who went out of her way to look nice. She probably spends a lot of money on clothing, makup and having her hair done. Why wouldn't she spend $2 for a pumice stone???

I was so tempted to quietly go next to her dressing room door and say "You look really nice today and I can tell that you care about your appearance. You might want to look into getting a pedicure."

I didn't do it, but I really wanted to. I hate it when women make such an effort to look nice and then totally negate all of the work that they have done by overlooking something like this. For example, if she has a fungal issue and can't get rid of the crusties, the outfit would have looked just as cute with a pair of ballet flats.

It could just be me. This is a big trigger for me. I try to make my feet look nice and I know how hard it is to get rid of the crusty edges on your heels when you are heavy. I struggle to get rid of them sometimes myself. But that's when I head down to the nearest nail salon, soak my tootsies and have that crap professional sloughed off.

So, since I didn't say anything to her I will say it to all of my wonderful readers.

Check your heels!!! If they are crusty, do something about it. Or, at least wear shoes so that stomaches aren't turning .

Hump Day Hottie

2007-09-05T15:02:00.000-04:00

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is a flawless musician, with skills at the piano, banjo, guitar, and tuba; a noteworthy singer/dancer; and can provide answers to complex, university level examinations in seconds.

He has also been shown to have certain athletic prowess that is normally unattainable at his age, such as being able to lift or move objects of greater weight than himself.

His sophisticated attitude/nature and mannerisms are juxtaposed with childish interests and actions. He reads literature such as Christopher Marlowe's The Tragical History of Doctor Faustus and Sun-Tzu, and cites pop culture references that date much further back than his age would permit, however, he is also fascinated by Raffi and the Teletubbies.

His mastery of physics and mechanical engineering are at a science-fiction level. He has constructed a laser, advanced figher-jets, a mind control device, a weather control device, robots, a time machine, and even a robotic model of Peter that spoke in Peter's voice. Stewie employs these to cope with the stresses of infant life (such as teething pain, and eating hated broccoli) and to kill his mother with no success. He seems to be constantly carrying a concealed firearm, which he whips out whenever he wants to, he also carries around a bazooka and he keeps an M3 machinegun under his bed's pillow.

Wizard Magazine rated him the 95th greatest villain of all time.

His is the youngest child of Peter and Lois and was born in Quahog, Rhode Island.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Stewart Gilligan Griffin

Birthday Fun & Back To The Grind

2007-09-04T11:44:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we celebrated Funny Girl's birthday. It is actually today (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!) but since yesterday was a holiday we decided to have a cookout and game night.
Rico and Donnie have settled in to the house and so we cooked like fiends to get things ready.

On the menu were BBQ ribs, fried chicken, burgers, hot dogs, collard greens, home made macaroni and cheese, deviled eggs, grape salad, green salad, pasta salad and for dessert was cake and ice cream.

Rico made the ribs, chicken, mac n' cheese and greens. The pasta salad, grape salad and assorted beverages were brought. I made the green salad, deviled eggs and baked the cake and cupcakes. My friend Anne grilled the burgers and hot dogs.

We had about 15 people there and I think that about 1/3 of the food was eaten which means that I have a CRAPLOAD of ribs, burgers, hot dogs etc,etc left over. Most of the food is NOT point friendly so I will be staying away from it (although I did a decent job yesterday and ate all of my points for the day at the bbq without going over). I suggested to Rico that he take some of it to work with him. If not, I might bring it in to the vultures that I work with.

I surprised Funny Girl by inviting her parents to the party. They live about 2 hours away and had already presented her with her gift. The look on her face when she saw them at the door was priceless. What was even funnier was that she won't drink in front of her folks (a respect thing) so her full glass of wine was discreetly placed in the fridge until they left.

We played Cranium and Mau until about 10 PM and then all but Funny Girl and Rico's best friend Cain left. We hung out until about 11:30 and then Funny Girl and Cain left and Rico finished up the last few dishes while I got Devon's lunch, clothes and backpack ready for school today and I headed to bed.

Today is my first day back at work since being out on FMLA for Devon's surgery. It is nice to be back so that things are getting into a more normal rhythm. It is much easier to stay on program (WW) while at work because I have to pre-plan everything.

So far I am down 23.3 pounds. I have just over 5 pounds to go to reach my first 10% goal. I am not sure what I am going to do to celebrate. It just has to be non-food related. Any ideas?

Hump Day Hottie

2007-08-29T12:11:00.000-04:00

This weeks Hump Day Hottie was born on February 21, 1946 in Hammersmith, London to a working class family. His father, an Irish Catholic factory worker died when he was eight leaving his mother, a Welsh homemaker alone to raise 4 children.

He attended Chelsea College of Art and made his way as a graphic artist in Soho. He received a scholarship to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (RADA) which he attended from 1972-1974 and won numerous awards while there.

Since then, he has been a constant presence on the British stage. and has appeared in productions including The Seagull, As You Like It and played the male lead in the 1985 Royal Shakespeare Company production of Les Liaisons Dangereuses. When the performance came to America, he received a Tony Award nomination.

In addition to appearing in numerous BBC television shows, he has also demonstrated considerable talent as a comedy actor is films such as Galaxy Quest, Dogma and, my personal favorite, Love Actually. He won a Golden Globe and an Emmy for his performance as Rasputin in 1996 and was also nominated for an Emmy for his work as Dr. Alfred Blalock in 2004's Something The Lord Made.

This weeks HDH has a vast and rich history of work but is best known for a role that he refuses to talk about as he feels that people are too interested in that role to pay attention to his other work and doesn't want to ruin the mystery of the character for the fans by talking about him. That most famous role would be as the mysterious potions professor Severus Snape in the Harry Potter series.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Alan Rickman

Confessions of a Landlord

2007-08-27T14:08:00.000-04:00

Yup, I am a landlord...sort of. My friends Rico and Don moved in yesterday. Due to some severe health and financial hits they decided that they needed to reduce their monthly expenses and we agreed that they could move into my house. I had a spare bedroom so it was no problem at all.

There are things that I am worried about. I have been on my own without a roommate for over 2 years so this will be a change. I enjoy living alone and I know that it will take some adjusting to get used to more people in my home, but Rico loves to cook and Don is really good at fixing things so in addition to the rent that they will be paying, they both have ways to contribute that makes my life easier.

Unfortunately (fortunately for me) they had some roommates when they had their own home that totally screwed them over. Didn't pay the rent that they were supposed to and broke many promises about helping out with things and just not being grateful or considerate. I know that I don't have to worry about them not paying their rent.

Devon loves "Uncle Rico" & "Uncle Don" and I think that it will be a positive for him to have male role models in the home. He respects Rico and Don and listens to them.

They have a dog, Phoebe, who will be living with us as well. That is the biggest worry for me. Don't get me wrong. Phoebe is a fantastic, very well behaved dog but I have two cats that haven't ever been around dogs since they were kittens. We have decided to crate Phoebe during the day and letting the cats free so that they can get used to the smell and the presence of a dog without feeling threatened. Then when we get home, Phoebe will be let out of her kennel for the rest of the evening until the cats and Phoebe get along. As long as she stays off of my couch once they get used to each other, Phoebe won't be crated during the day.

Devon is healing nicely. His follow-up appointment is tomorrow so we will see how things are going. I will probably be heading back to work after Labor Day. Although it has been nice to have this extra time with Devon, I am ready to go back to work and get back into the rhythm of normal life.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-08-22T12:49:00.000-04:00

This weeks HDH was born in Grayshott, Hampshire, England on September 10, 1960 to Shirley, a comparative religion lecturer and David, a history lecturer.

He has one sister, Kate & a younger brother, Jonathan, who is also an actor.

His parents were born and raised in India as his grandparents (both sets) performed missionary work abroad.

He spent part of his childhood in Nigeria and lived in St. Louis, MO when he was 11.

In 1990 he and his current girlfriend, Meg Tilly, had son Will. He married Italian documentary filmmaker Livia Giuggioli in 1997 and has had two sons, Luca and Matteo.

It was the 1995 BBC television adaptation of Pride and Prejudice that he gained wider renown and he became known as a heart-throb because of his role as Fitzwilliam Darcy.

He has starred in a number of "genuinely British" films and series including The English Patient, Fever Pitch, Shakespeare In Love, Bridget Jones's Diary, The Importance of Being Earnest, Love Actually, What a Girl Wants & Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. He has also appeared in recent television productions, Including Donovan Quick, Conspiracy and starred as Aishwarya Rai in The Last Legion.

In a 2006 interview he was asked "Who are the women in your life?" He replied "My mother, my wife and Jane Austen".

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Colin Firth

Back Home

2007-08-18T16:32:00.000-04:00

Devon's surgery went fine and he was released to go home this afternoon. He is currently on the couch watching cartoons.

I can't express how brave Devon was about the entire situation. Not one tear. He had a lot of questions and was nervous, but everyone at the hospital was super and took the time to explain everything to him.

One funny thing did happen while we were there. On Thursday night when we were in the ER they did a CAT Scan. He came back into the room we were in and he was telling us how cool the CAT Scan was. Then he said, "I hope I get to see the pictures so that I can see my balls and innards look like."

Funny Girl was there with me and we looked at each other, burst out laughing while Devon was backpedaling and saying over and over that he didn't mean THOSE balls. We kept on laughing and the other group of people in the room heard the entire exchange and were laughing out loud too.

As much as I have many difficulties with Devon's dad, he was there on Thursday until Midnight and then left as he had to get up at 4 AM to go to work. I called him around 1 AM with the diagnosis and he was surprised. I was too. I thought it might have been gas or cramps because the pain kept coming and going.

He was back the next morning around 9 AM and stayed until Devon was out of surgery and in recovery. Before Devon went in for surgery, Devon, his dad and I played a couple of games of UNO Spin. We were very cordial to each other and didn't have one problem. We were actually adults for once around each other and put our differences aside and focused on our son. He was also there this morning for about 30 minutes until he had to go to work. I think that it was really nice for Devon to see us get along and be in the same room for more than 10 minutes and actually talking civilly. It doesn't happen. Especially when his wife is around. She never once came to the hospital.

I also have to give MAJOR props to my friends Funny Girl and Rico. Funny Girl stayed up at the hospital with me overnight both nights even though it was not the most comfortable sleeping in one of those portable sleeping chairs. She brought me Taco Bell 2 nights in a row and basically did anything that I asked her to do. Rico came up on his lunch hour to see Devon, came back that night and then was at my house today before Devon was even discharged so that he could take care of me & Devon since I am basically a walking zombie today.

I blew my WW to crap while I was there but am back on track today. If I gain or maintain I will be fine with it. It was more important for me to be there with my son, eating hospital food than worrying about points or going somewhere else to get food.

Thank you everyone who sent prayers and well wishes our way. They are VERY appreciated and I felt at peace most of the time so I know that they worked.

You all ROCK!!!!

I Get Another Vacation ~ Sort Of

2007-08-17T08:25:00.001-04:00

Devon is currently in the hospital with Appendicitis and will be having surgery today to remove his Appendix.

I will be off work until he is recovered, which I am told will be 1-2 weeks.

Not quite the type of vacation I would have chosen, but thank God for FMLA and that I am blessed to be able to stay home and care for him until he is recovered.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Potpourri

2007-08-16T09:26:00.000-04:00

I am back!!! I didn't die in a fiery plane crash, nor did I get stuck in the perma-gridlock that seems to define the Seattle-Tacoma area nowadays.

I was lucky to be able to see everyone that I wanted to see including my friend Lisa that I had lost touch with years ago. She is now happily married with a 1 year old daughter, MacKenzie. I wrote about our friendship a few months ago and am thrilled to get back in touch with her.

I also spent time with my friend Jade, who is pregnant with baby #5. Crazy, I know. I don't know how she does it and still works full time. The worst part is that her house is cleaner than mine and I only have one kid. We went and got our hair done while I was there. We went to Jade's stylist because I knew that if Jade trusted her I would have no problems. Jade is REALLY picky about her hair but we convinced her to cut about 10 inches off. It was down to the crack of her butt so even with 10 inches off, it was still below her bra. It looked incredible. Very Fergalicious.

I got to see my brother and my sister as well. My brother is doing fine and nothing has really changed with him but my sister is moving to Texas at the end of this month. She will be renting a lovely house and I hope that she finds a wonderful circle of friends down there. Having fantastic friends is the only thing that kept me sane when I moved so far away from home.

Visiting my dad, aunt and uncle was a lot of fun and for the first time, Devon, my dad and I had family portraits taken. We haven't gotten them back yet but as soon as I can, I will post them for your enjoyment.

My mom had a big BBQ while I was there and almost all of my step-brothers and sisters attended. The one that didn't show up is the one that no one wants to be around because she is a liar and a thief. Oh, and she wasn't invited.

It was really wonderful to see everyone and their masses of kids. One of my step-brothers has 14 kids. You would think that he is Catholic, but he isn't. It is a Yours, Mine & Ours situation but they seem to have blended their families fantastically.

I made sure to go to my Weight Watchers meetings while on vacation. The first week I lost 3.8 pounds but the next week I gained 2.6 pounds. I am sure that it had something to do with the BBQ pork ribs that I ate while visiting my brother. Yeah, that's right. Cause I wasn't bad at ANY other time.... heh heh.

The good news is that I weighed in last night and about fell off the scale. I lost a whopping 6.8 pounds in one week. That is my second largest loss in the 10 weeks that I have been on the program. I am down 21.2 pounds total. I am almost to my first 10% goal which is a loss of 28 pounds. I want to lose a total of approximately 140 pounds so I am already 1/6 on the way to my total goal.

My clothes still fit fine. They actually fit now rather than being a bit tight. I was starting to grow out of the clothing that I was wearing but refused to buy a larger size. Now, they are starting to get a smidge loose even. Not that I am minding in the least bit.

I did miss everyone while I was gone but am still having a hard time getting to the blogs and commenting. Life seem so busy right now. But I still think of everyone and do check in every so often.

Love you all!!!!

Goin' Down In A Blaze Of Glory

2007-07-27T13:06:00.001-04:00

Devon & I leaving tomorrow for Seattle to visit my family for 2 weeks. I am really looking forward to it and generally, visiting my family is nice and relaxing.

Just in case my plane crashes and I don't return, I just wanted to tell you all.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Really!!

I will be on a writing hiatus while I am gone. I may have some guest posts, but other than that, I am going to rest, relax and have fun with my family.

Shhhh...don't tell Devon but I am pretty sure that I am going to take him to Wild Waves with my friend Jade and her kids or maybe with my brother-in-law and his kids. We shall see.

I hope that when I return that my blogger block will be gone and that I can return in full force.
Have a fantastic couple of weeks and I will write to you soon.

Beauty and Weight Loss

2007-07-26T09:37:00.000-04:00

I had two great things happen yesterday. Both of them made me feel like a million bucks, so at the end of the day, I was a 2 million dollar woman.

After work yesterday I went to my WW meeting and am down another 3.6 pounds for a total of 13.7 in 6 weeks. I LOVE it!!! I don't feel deprived and am finding awesome and very easy ways to eat things that I enjoy but modify it so that it is much healthier.

I found a fantastic webside www.hungrygirl.com that gives really good alternatives to your favorite high fat, high calorie foods. I made their chicken strips and they were awesome. Almost as good as the deep fried ones. These were dipped in egg beaters, rolled in ground up Fiber One cereal and baked in the oven. It reduced the calories from about 1100 to 200. Devon gave them a 7 out of 10.

Last night I went to karaoke and was sitting at a table with the normal peeps drinking individual pitchers of water and having a lot of fun. I got up and sang All That Jazz by Catherine Zeta-Jones and noticed that there was a really good looking guy TOTALLY checking me out.

At first I thought it was a fluke but every time I looked his way, he would catch my eye and smile at me. This hasn't happened in a very long time if you remove the dirty old leering men from the mix.

I was reduced to junior high behavior with my friends Jen & Poppy. I turned to Jen and told her that I thought that the guy was checking me out. She confirmed my suspicions.

For the rest of the night, we exchanged smiles and looks. When I got up to sing, he would turn his chair around to watch me and was effusive in his applause when I was done.

Around midnight he and his friends got up from their table and he came over and asked me what my name was. I introduced myself and he told me that his name was Jed. He had light brownish blonde hair with blue eyes. He stood about 6 feet tall and had a nice, athletic build.

Jed: " I just wanted to come over and say hello and tell you how beautiful you are."

(Me??? Beautiful???? ***SWOON***)

Me: " Really? Wow! Thank you! That was very nice" (as you can see, I was VERY well spoken LOL)

Jed: "Well my friends are leaving and it was nice to meet you" and he starts to walk away

Me: "Wait, do you have a phone number?"

Jed: "I am not looking right now, I just went through a divorce. I just wanted to tell that you are beautiful."

We said our goodbyes and after he left I was mentally kicking myself for not giving him my number and telling him to call me when he was ready to start looking.

I went home with a syrupy smile on my face and am still walking around here with a two million dollar smile on my face.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-07-25T12:09:00.000-04:00

Guest post number three. Yeah I get to do another HDH. This week is easy, it is me. I nominate myself. Okay, fantasy over. The real HDH.

This is another male because Rachel would hurt me if went with another women. Sorry guys.
This weeks HDH has an interesting past.

His childhood was a tough one. At the age of 8 his father died of a brain tumor and he attempted suicide several times and suffered from depression. At the age of 9 he was a victim of molestation. This goes to show that even with a rough start things can turn around drastically.

One of his early roles was as a Taxi driver in the Coneheads movie. He has been in over 25 movies since the 90’s. He has also produced 7 different movies, TV shows or musicals. This along with about 75 other cinematic endeavors makes up most of his public persona.

His favorite trademark is his Buddy Holly Sun Glasses. They are now used as a prop since he has undergone Lasik surgery. That is cheating. Don’t wear them just to be sexy. That is my shtick.

He was born at 7pm on May 23-1958 in the Midwest and is one of 3 boys. At one point in his life he was a member of the US Marine Corps for six years and even competed in the WWF 30-man royal rumble on January 21, 2001.

He has been roasted at the New York Friars club and attended Kent State. He even received an honorary PhD from Cleveland State in 2000.

He received a star on the Hollywood walk of Fame and bought his childhood home with the paycheck from one of the shows he was a cast member of. He even has his name mentioned in a song by Bowl of Soup. Never heard of them but now I am hungry, thanks. This HDH was even portrayed as a member of the Sim, House Party in 2001.

He is a sports fan and even made an appearance on The Best Damn Sports Show Ever. In addition to this he is an avid video gamer. He has at least 30 computers, 6 PS2’s, 4XBOX’s, and several other game consoles. I want to go to his house for a gaming weekend. Who is with me?

During the run of the Show that he is most remembered for was coming back from a break from filming he showed up with his hair dyed blond and his nipples pierced the production company was a little worried but they worked most of it into a plot line for the show.

He has not had much public exposure lately, (not the indecent kind) but it has just been announced that he is the new host of The Price Is Right.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Drew Carey

Emotional Eating

2007-07-24T13:35:00.000-04:00

I got into a huge argument with my son last night that lasted about 30 minutes or so. There was yelling, crying and hurtful things said on both our parts. I never thought that parenting would be so hard. I am so scared what his teen years are going to be like.

He is only 9 right now, but MAN can he push and push and push. He is so disrespectful towards me and I let him know in no uncertain terms that this behavior is going to stop and it will stop now or he can go live with his dad.

Before anyone says anything, I KNOW that I am the adult and that I should behave in the manner that I expect my son to behave. I felt horrible for the way that I behaved and I apologized profusely to him and he did the same to me.

Anyway ~ after this emotional rollercoaster, we both sat down with a bowl of ice cream (I did measure mine and apply the points) and talked calmly for the first time that night.

I was pleased that we were able to have a real discussion but was really upset with myself for eating emotionally and that in a way I am showing my child how to eat emotionally as well.

I am still pretty emotionally fragile about the entire episode and am wallowing in guilt.

On a good note, I have been on Weight Watchers since June 13th and have lost a total of 10.1 pounds.

Sense Of Community

2007-07-19T08:58:00.000-04:00

***Due to my current issues with blogger block, my friend Anne sent me this post that she wrote. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did***** ~ Rachel

Last Friday was the funeral for Officer Bob Kozminski. He was a young police officer killed in the line of duty Sunday morning in Grand Rapids . I couldn’t help but notice all week long there has been coverage of this young man’s life and tragic death. Last Friday there was definitely an out pouring of community support. Officer Kozminski left behind a 3 year old daughter.

The local Family Fare (grocery store) is taking donations, their church is taking donations and helping with food & music, several local BW3s donated 20% of Friday's profits. A Faith Hill & Tim McGraw after party concert turned benefit. Tim McGraw donated $5000 as well. It is heartwarming to see such an outpouring of good will to one family in a time of deep sorrow, loss, and need.

But it got me thinking. Would the same help be extended to my family if I was killed or died suddenly or tragically? Would funds be gathered to help my widow support my two children? Would the community at large even notice? (I know my close friends, family, and co-workers would)

It seems that, as a whole, we have lost our sense of community. Those of us destined to be ordinary, regular, everyday folk do not receive the same attention as the elite few. It used to be that if your neighbor, or a member of your church, or immediate community fell on hard times the community at large pitched in to help out. The only place this seems to happen anymore are communities like the Amish or Mennonite, and those select few who belong to the elite club.

Where’s your sense of community? How do we become good neighbors and good stewards of faith to those in need? We certainly seem to have lost something that was good.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-07-18T09:26:00.000-04:00

This is an actor who graduated from Redwood High in Larkspur, CA. In his senior year elections he was voted, "Least Likely to succeed." He then went on to briefly study political science then he went to Juilliard for theater.

He was born on July 21st 1951 in Chicago IL and was an over weight child. Many of his voices now have roots in his childhood.

He has 3 children from 2 wives.

Other famous people from his high school are Erin Gray(Silver Spoons) and Gabrielle Carteris (Beverly Hills 90210).

He is following in the footsteps of his idol Jonathan Winters.

His mind is always running at warp speed. Infact he was supposed to be on Star Trek but had to cancel because of scheduling conflicts.

He has appeared in comedies, dramas, on T.V. and in animated features. An interesting fact about this person is that in a comedy he is clean shaven and in a drama he usually sports a beard.

His career changed when his instructor at Juilliard told him he was wasting his talent and to try stand up. His first T.V. exposure was on Happy Days and he got the part when the director (Garry Marshall) told him to sit down and he sat on his head.

He counts Whoopi Goldberg and Christopher Reeves as two of his friends. In fact he visited Reeves in the Hospital dressed in scrubs, with a clip board and using a Russian Accent. Reeves stated this was the first time since the accident that he had laughed. Near the end of Reeves life he even helped out with the bills and dedicated his Cecil B. Demille award to him.

He, along with Bette Midler, were guests on the final episode of The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.

He has Welsh and Scottish heritage and early on in his career stated he was from Scotland when he was asked. This fact does appear in some of his early writeups.

He has been in over 100 films, T.V. shows, shorts, animated features and sound tracks.

This actor and this weeks HDH was choosen because of his recent bought with Alcohol and rehab.

He was sober for 20 years and started drinking again. On August 9th 2006 he entered rehab. In my opinion it takes a lot to get clean again and admit it publicly. On difference in how he is dealing with it and how other Hollywood types do is he is not using it to further a career but to bring awareness to this disease.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Robin Williams

Too Much Of A Good Thing

2007-07-17T10:21:00.000-04:00

America has always been known for it's independent spirit. We are going to do it our way and no one is going to tell us otherwise.

In many ways this is a fantastic part of our society. We are always striving to improve and are willing to take risks to be successful in one part of our life or another. The individual business owner, the person who changes job fields to do something that they love rather than just have a job, the person who chooses to live a clutter free life and not to bow down to the current standards of society, but do their own thing instead.

Unfortunately, this independent spirit also has drawbacks. Rarely do we as a nation come to a consesus about anything, whether it be the best type of medical care, cell phone systems or vehicle regulations. This causes us to be woefully behind the rest of the industrialized worlds when it comes to things like technology, the reduction of pollutants in the air and universal health care along with a myriad of other issues.

At what point do we celebrate our independence but also temper that independence with common sense smarts that allow us to get the best of both worlds?

Hump Day Hottie ~ Guest Post

2007-07-11T11:26:00.000-04:00

Here is this weeks HDH. Since Rachel is having a Blog block I get to choose.

This actress (of course I would choose a woman) is the youngest of four sisters. I wonder if the rest of them are as hot as she is.

She grew up on a ranch in Corpus Christi Texas and attended Texas A&M-Kingsville. She graduated with a BA in Kinesiology. What the heck is that?

She started her acting career by entering a talent contest that brought her to LA. American Idol or America's got talent would be lucky if they found someone like her.

Her timing and persistence finally paid off the role of Isabella on the Young and the Restless. She has also played in, The Dead Will Tell opposite Anne Heche and in a modern L.A. Dragnet. She has been in the theatrical production of What the Rabbit Saw.

She has been voted by Variety as one of the Ten Faces to Watch, Rolling Stone's People of the Year, TV's Hot 11 and TV Guide's New Faces of Fall.

She is expanding her acting ability soon in Harsh Times and the Sentinel. She is also co producing and staring in a comedy varitey show called Hot Tamales Live. Sounds like some other kind of show but who am I to judge?

She was actively involved in the ill fated John Kerry-John Edwards campaign. Her pastimes include cooking, reading Latino literature and history and Salsa Dancing.

Too bad she is married.

This weeks HDH courtesy of Dennis is.....................................

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Eva Longoria

2007-07-09T14:01:00.000-04:00

This summer is going by so incredibly fast. It seems that I am busier this summer than I can remember for a very long time.

Friday I went with Devon, Funny Girl & Aria to see Evan Almighty. It was pretty good.

Then Saturday I had two birthday parties to go to. One was for Ami's 10th birthday. She came down from Nova Scotia last weekend (I went with her mom Ann to Toronto to pick her up) and this was the first time that Devon saw her and they got along really well.

Then I left that party and went to an adult birthday party. I think I was just about the only sober person there except for the kids that were playing downstairs.

One woman was there that was just plastered. Running into walls and stumbling everywhere. I haven't ever understood why people think that it is fun to get that drunk. Tipsy is fun, but drunk like that just makes you look pathetic.

Sunday, Devon and I went swimming for an hour and then went over to Rico & Don't house for Sunday dinner. It was a rude awakening when I found out that 2 ozs of spaghetti was 240 calories. My spaghetti alone was 11 points. I did get away relatively low with the garlic bread that I made. I used a whole wheat english muffin, butter spray and garlic salt and made my own. It was really tasty and only 1 point (for both halves) instead of 5 points for 1 slice of regular garlic bread.

I actually gained 2 lbs. last week but since it was that time of the month I didn't beat myself up about it.

Today when I put on a pair of pants that I hadn't worn since I started WW I was pleased to notice that they were w bit looser than the last time that I wore them.

How is everyone else enjoying their summer?

I Will Defeat The Wild Cat

2007-07-03T11:52:00.000-04:00

Either last summer or the summer prior to that I went to Michigan's Adventure with Funny Girl, Anne and our kids.We were having a great time riding the rides and hanging out together.

We had been riding some of the roller coasters and decided to go on the Wild Cat which is an older, wooden roller coaster.We got in line and waited our turn.

I got into a seat with Devon and started to buckle my seat belt. It wouldn't buckle.I twisted this way and that way trying to get the damn buckle into the slot and nothing would work.

I was wedged in so tightly (there was a divider between the seats) that I could barely get my fingers in there to try and maneuver the belt.Finally, I was informed that I had to get off of the ride if I couldn't buckle the belt.

Mortified, I got off of the ride and had to stand on the other side, across from the other people in line and wait for the ride to finish so that I could get off with my party.

I stood there for what seemed like the longest roller coaster ride in the world until it finally rolled back into the loading and unloading area and my friends and son got off.

That was the first time that my weight had prevented me from doing something with my friends and family.

By the end of this summer, I am going to go back to Michigan's Adventure, ride that damn ride and smile the whole way.

A Small Victory

2007-06-29T07:29:00.000-04:00

I smelled a McDonald's cheeseburger last night and I swear that they put some kind of pheremones in them to make them smell like you absolutely MUST have it.

I ran through there to get one for my son because he was really hungry but we weren't going home any time soon. I at least convinced him to get apple dippers insead of fries...one thing at a time, right?

Anyway...The bag came into my car and I was fine. Then he unwrapped the sucker and the aroma felt like an airbag slamming into my face. It was so strong and tantalizing that I literally started to salivate.

I had to roll down the window on a 90 degree muggy day to get the smell out of my car so that I didn't rip it out of his hand and either stuff it into my craw or toss it out the window. Realizing that it wasn't working, I remembered that satisfying your sense of smell is nearly as good and eating so I started taking deep breaths through my nose, filling my olfactory senses with the heavenly smell.

I didn't even ask for a bite. I did give it some covetous looks though.

Lifestyle Change Update

2007-06-28T09:05:00.000-04:00

It has been two weeks now that I have been on Weight Watchers. I have learned a lot about how utterly poor my eating habits actually are and how to modify them to live a healthier lifestyle. I still have a VERY long way to go and a LOT more to learn, but I have stuck with the plan for two weeks and have used hardly any of my weekly points, just my daily points.

So, last week I went to weigh in and was SOOOOO disappointed because I hadn't lost anything. Zero, Nothing, Nada. I was pretty upset because I did really well and stuck to the plan. The few mistakes that I made counting points or items I just added to my Weekly Point count.

This week I went in and weighed in and was so shocked. I lost 7.5 pounds. I am absolutely ecstatic. I would have been thrilled with 3 or 4 pounds, but 7.5 is incredible.

I have really cut down the diet soda to 1 or 2 per day instead of 6-8 per day. Even though they have no calories, the lack of water really hurt. Now I drink a ton of water and actually don't have much of a taste for soda.

I am sleeping better and last weekend woke up and got out of bed at 8:30 both days. Usually I would wake up 3 or 4 times throughout the night, get up around 11 or so and then take a nap in the afternoon. I haven't taken a nap since I started either.

It is amazing how much better I feel since I am not stuffing fast food into my craw on a near daily basis. I haven't had a cheeseburger since I started and I haven't missed it yet.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-06-27T09:14:00.000-04:00

This weeks HDH was born on a military base in Landstuhl, Germany. He was raised in South Carolina & later Florida.

He started his desire to become a musician at age 13.

The first concert he attended was Genesis on its Invisible Touch Tour.

He dropped out of high school and left his home as a teenager to pursue his goal of becoming a career musician. He later received a GED.

He is 5ft 9 in tall, has blue eyes and brown hair.

His favorite authors are Kurt Vonnegut and Tom Robbins.

His favorite TV shows are 24, Arrested Development & American Idol and he actually wrote a song for Idol winner Taylor Hicks’ album.

He earned 3 Grammy awards for co-writing and singing on the Carlos Santana triple-platinum album Supernatural in 1999.

He married Marisol Maldonado in 1999 and has a son named Maison from a former relationship with Kerry Williams.

He is formerly of the band Tabitha’s Secret but is currently pursuing solo projects, but is still the lead singer for the band Matchbox 20.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Rob Thomas

Sex Talk & Strangely Erotic Dreams

2007-06-25T09:45:00.000-04:00

I must have hit the summertime doldrums when it comes to updating my blog. I have been hard put to find any inspiration lately. Nothing sounds remotely interesting to blog about and I have been really working on the Weight Watchers thing and haven't been keeping up with other blogs either.

I would like to apologize to the people that come and read my blog that I haven't been reciprocating lately. I haven't been at my computer much at home and have been actually working. Crazy huh?

Yesterday I was over at my friend Rico's house for Sunday dinner and we started talking about sex. Always a fun topic to discuss. We were talking about everything from G-spots to spanking and asphyxiation during the act. Then we were talking about what it was like to have sex after having a child. I told them that after I had Devon that it felt like everything had "shifted a bit" and that it was physically painful to have intercourse. It probably didn't help that Devon's dad is well endowed either.

After the entire conversation that we had last night I had the strangest dreams. I dreamt that Devon's dad had separated from his wife and came over a few times and was trying to have sex with me. I remember one part vividly where I was in the walk in closet getting something and he grabbed me and pushed me against the wall and started kissing me. I also remember kissing him back.

For all of the negative things that I can say about Devon's dad, I can't say that he was bad in bed. He was really, really good. Well, it was until after I had Devon and it hurt to have sex. Then it went downhill fast. We would fight about having sex and I just don't think that he really understood.

I woke up this morning thinking how strange it was to have erotic dreams about someone that I can't seem to get along with anymore. I know that most of the reason that I can't get along with Devon's dad anymore is due to his wife, but it was still a strangely unsettling dream.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-06-20T09:44:00.000-04:00

This weeks HDH was born on August 16, 1962 in Acton, MA.

Prior to deciding on a career as a performer, he was a mail carrier. He quit because he was “very, very bad at it”.

He also planned to go to law school but when he was asked on his entry form why he wanted to become a lawyer, he was unable to write a response.

He performed with Chicago troupe The Second City in 1991, where Stephen Colbert was his understudy for a time.

That same year he landed his first film role in Curly Sue.

In 1995 he married Nancy Walls, whom he met when she was a student in an improv class he was teaching. They have two children, Elizabeth & John.

In 1996, he was a cast member of the briefly aired The Dana Carvey Show. Along with cast member Colbert, he provided the voice of Gary, half of “The Ambiguously Gay Duo.” The animated short has since moved to SNL.

In 1999 he became a correspondent on The Daily Show and remained a regular on the show until 2004.

Two supporting roles in the films Bruce Almighty and Anchorman: The Legend of Run Burgundy helped get the attention of audiences.

In the spring of 2005, he began playing the lead role of Michael Scott on NBC’s remake of the British sitcom The Office. Although the series premiered to mediocre ratings, NBC renewed it for a second season due to the anticipated success of his upcoming movie The 40-Year Old Virgin.

He was hurled to stardom and has won a Golden Globe, Writers Guild Award, Screen Actors Guild Award and an MTV Movie Award.

His newest movie, Evan Almighty, is set for release on June 22, 2007.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Steve Carrell

Double Take Bumper Sticker

2007-06-19T09:14:00.000-04:00

I was driving to work today and I saw this bumper sticker:

I don't know why, but this gave me the heeby jeebies. I know that many women breast feed and I breast fed Devon, but who wants to advertise that to the entire world?

To me, when I breast fed Devon it was a private, almost sacred thing that I was doing. It was an incredibly intimate, bonding experience that I wouldn't want to flout to the world.

I don't mean that you should be ashamed that you are breast feeding, but lets be honest. If you have that sticker on your car the first thing that people are going to do when you get out of your car is check out your boobs.

Have you ever seen a bumper sticker or sign that made you feel uncomfortable?

Sunday Dinner

2007-06-18T09:38:00.000-04:00

Do you ever offer to do something and then halfway through wonder "What the hell was I thinking?"

That was me yesterday.

Nearly every Sunday Devon and I go over to my friends Rico & Don's house for Sunday dinner. There are normally about 15 - 20 people there and it is a very good time. The food ranges from burgers on the grill to "Soul Food Sunday" a smorgasbord of fried chicken, greens, mac & cheese and just about every kind of Italian food that you can think of.

We had never had any kind of Mexican food and I am really good at cooking that so I offered to cook yesterday. Rico was cool with it, albeit a bit unsure of what to do with himself.

I arrived at noon yesterday and put 4 pounds of chicken in the crock pot to simmer and then I didn't have anything else to do for another 2 hours so Rico and I sat and chatted and I read a book for a while when he had to run some errands.

From 2ish until 6:30 I was in the kitchen pretty much nonstop. I made tacos, a beef enchilada casserole, chicken enchiladas, giant taquitos and Spanish rice. I chopped lettuce, onions, tomatoes, olives, jalapenos and prepared the flour tortillas (I heat them in a pan with Pam spray and they taste REALLY good and don't break as easily).

Most of the time everyone was out on the screen porch and I felt like I was a bit separated from everyone else so I started to sing. I sang some songs in Latin that I remembered from High School and also some negro spirituals that I knew. It was actually very relaxing to be singing while chopping tomatoes.

Although their house is huge, it was quite hot in the kitchen as they haven't yet had their central air installed and it was in the 80's outside. I took off my shoes and walked around barefoot on the tile floor to keep from getting overheated.

Dinner was ready around 6:30 and by the time everything was on the table I was so tired and overheated that I wasn't even hungry so I went outside and chatted with people while they were eating their first plate of food. Everything got rave reviews even though I personally wasn't very happy with how the rice turned out.

After about 20 minutes my appetite came back and I got a taco and 2 giant taquitos with some salsa and sour cream. Everything tasted really good and it was a total of 9.5 WW points so I had plenty left over afterwards. I splurged and had a piña colada for an extra 7 points. Man it tasted good.

Then I got the biggest surprise of the day. Funny Girl has OCD and doesn't like to touch certain things. She decided to surprise me and came out onto the screen porch with a wash cloth and some lotion and then proceeded to give me a foot massage. It was HEAVEN. After walking around barefoot on tile for hours my dogs were barkin' and the fact that she touched my feet with her OCD issues was really touching to me. So I sat there in my chair, sipping on a piña colada getting my feet massaged. Now before you start to wonder about Funny Girl and I, we are best friends and nothing more. I am a massage whore and if someone wants to rub my feet I am not going to quibble.

I stayed until 11:30 and then headed home. I still had 9 points that I was supposed to use for the day so I stopped at McD's and got an ice cream cone for 7 points and enjoyed it on the rest of the drive home.

The only bad point of the entire day other than the heat was when I was backing out of the driveway and hit a car. I didn't do any damage to their car but mine has a nice scratch on the bumper that will have to be painted. It could have been worse so I am not going to complain.

I Took The Plunge

2007-06-15T09:04:00.000-04:00

I haven't been around much this week but I do have a really good reason.

On Wednesday I joined Weight Watchers along with my friends Aria and Funny Girl. I have spent the past two days figuring out the amount of points each food that I enjoy has and adjusting my menu accordingly.

It is really surprising. I can eat a bunch and hopefully still lose weight. I guess it just depends on what I shovel into my mouth. No more pints of Hagen Daaz but a serving is OK.

Since this is about integrity and being honest about where you are and where you want to be, I am going to do something that I have never done before. I am going to tell you all what my starting weight is.

Before I tell you this I want to say that every time I tell someone my weight, they do not believe me. I guess that my flab is pretty compact and so it doesn't look like I weigh as much as I do.

I currently wear a size 22/24 and weigh 287.5 pounds. My target weight is 124.1 pound. This really seems like a daunting task so I am breaking it down into 10% increments. That means that my current goal is to lose 29 pounds. (man that was hard to admit)

This is NOT going to become a weight loss blog but I will post every week what my weight loss was so that you all can keep track along with me.

It is really scarey for me to be doing this as I will not only be losing flab, but I will be shedding my "security blanket" a pound at a time. There might be a few freak outs and I will make sure to let you know about them.

I am so glad that Funny Girl and Aria are in this with me because I don't know if I would be able to do it on my own.

This is a photo of me from last year. It was the only one I had on my work P.C. that I could post that showed more than my shoulders and above. This is my friend Anne that is with me and this was when Funny Girl told us to look at the flash to take the photo and then pulled her shirt up. Yeah. We are dorks.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-06-13T09:57:00.000-04:00

This weeks HDH was born on January 13, 1966 in Lewiston, ME and is the youngest of three children.

He dropped out of high school during his senior year.

He was an adept juggler, tying second for a national juggling competition.

He was discovered by an agent and invited to audition for a role in the state production of Torch Song Trilogy and he spent the following four months touring with the company in San Francisco. He continued appearing on stage until his early 20's.

His first major film role was at age 21 in the teen comedy Can't Buy Me Love in 1987. He had the lead role in the film Loverboy and Happy Together. Although the teen comedy and romance roles led him to be somewhat typecast for a time he was able to avoid playing the same character as his career progressed.

From 1987 to 1994, he was married to actress Rocky Parker. It made a huge splash in the media as he was only 21, while Parker was 48.

During the 1990's he faded somewhat to obscurity. He was cast several times in pilots that were not picked up. His first major television role was a recurring role as Will's closeted sportscaster boyfriend on Will & Grace.

In 1999 he married his second wife, Jillian Fink and has three children, Talula Fyfe, and twins Darby and Sullivan.

His first high-profile role after over a decade was as one of the suitors for Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama.

He enjoys race car driving in his spare time and is currently the co-owner of Indycar Series team Vision Racing. He will be driving the pace car for the 2007 Indianapolis 500.

You can currently see this weeks HDH in his current role as Dr. Derek Shepherd (Dr. McDreamy) in the drama Grey's Anatomy.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Patrick Dempsey

Bug Bitten, Tired and Aching

2007-06-11T11:34:00.000-04:00

After the post that I wrote on Friday, Funny Girl and I decided that we still wanted to go camping and so we decided to to go to a campground that was near my house.
We found a family campground that was only 10 minutes from my house and went there with two carloads full of camping gear.
My friend Rico decided to come with us the first night so it was just me, Funny Girl, Rico, Devon and his friend Logan. We arrived quite late as we hadn't planned to do the "real" camping thing.Rico and Funny Girl pitched the tents while I put together the gas grill that Rico had brought.
The kids went to the park and played until it was time to come back to the campsite. We were in a "primitive" campsite that had no water, electric or sewer but we were right across the road from the office and bathrooms so we had easy access to everything that we needed.
The first day I got up at 7:30 with the kids and by 9:00 everyone was up and about. Because we had gotten a late start we hadn't really organized the campsite the night before so we did that and then Funny Girl and I drove back to my house to pick up the boy's bikes so that they could ride around the campground. I had also forgotten ketchup and mustard so we grabbed those as well.
The campground had a swimming pool so we took the boys swimming and took a bit of a dip ourselves.
More people showed up the next afternoon and that night we had about nine or ten adults there just having a great time and sitting around the campfire talking and having a few drinks.
I fell out around 1:30 and within an hour everyone else but two people were in bed. Around 4:30 Funny Girl was not feeling good so she decided to head home.
I got up the next morning and came out of my tent and it looked like a bomb had exploded all over our campsite. Cups, cans and bottles everywhere. I spend the next 30 minutes just picking up the stuff that was strewn all over and then people started to stumble out of their beds.
We started to break down the site and make breakfast. The kids went swimming one more time and we left around 1:00 that afternoon.
We had a great time but Devon and I were so tired and Devon was NOT feeling good this morning so we both stayed home.

Roughing It ~ Sort Of

2007-06-08T09:04:00.000-04:00

This weekend I am going camping. We were going to go up to a place called Hardy Dam and pitch our tents and have a fantastic weekend.
I went to the grocery store and spend over $100 on the things that I was assigned to bring. Plates, bowls, spoons, knives, forks, hot dogs, buns, and soda for 10-15 people. I also purchased a few additional things for snacks for the boys.
I got home last night and called my friend Rico to let him know that I got everything and he told me that there was a change of plans.
Rico's partner Donnie isn't feeling well, so instead of going camping we are going to go to the lake on Sunday.
I was NOT happy. I explained to Rico that I just spent over $100 on the stuff that he told me to get and we decided that instead of nixing the camping all together that we are going to rough it in his front yard.
Rico lives in a huge house with a very sizeable front yard. We are going to pitch tents, use a barbeque grill for a fire pit (not allowed to have bonfires or even those regular fire pits where he lives) and sleep in the out of doors. And one night we will go to a friends house and have a real bonfire.
He lives right across the street from a nature trail so the boys are bringing their bikes and will go riding around there and also in the 3 street cul-de-sac that Rico lives in.
We are still going to go to the lake on Sunday and take out his uncles pontoon boat so that should be a lot of fun other than the fact that I can't expose my back to sun because of the tattoo so I will have to remain covered up. I can't go swimming either but I can wear a t-shirt and get my legs wet.
Even though it isn't what we had planned, I think that this is going to be just as much fun. At least this way I get to take a shower and use indoor plumbing.

Where Do I Go From Here?

2007-06-07T00:01:00.000-04:00

I had an epiphany today while I was commenting on SnackiePoo's blogpost about struggling with her inner demons about gaining a few pounds.

If you haven't been a long time reader, go and read here and here before you continue...

Go ahead. I'll wait.

Are you back now? Great.

Now that you are aware of some of my history in regards to my weight and also being raped at a young age I hope that this next part makes more sense.

I realized that part of me wants to stay fat because it makes me feel safer. Not safe, but safer.

If I am fat, the risk of me being attacked or raped is significantly lower. I don't have to worry about being accosted by someone and not being left alone if I want to. Because I will be honest, if I was skinny, I would be pretty hot.

How fucked up is it that I am willing to live half a life at twice the size out of fear? I thought that I had worked through all of the issues that my being raped had heaped onto my psyche. I thought that it didn't really affect me that much anymore and now I realize that the fear has locked me into my own prison of flab and inactivity.

Instead of working through my issues, I ate through them and continue to do so. Mentally I want to lose weight. Physically I want to lose weight. Emotions & fear keep me going to the freezer and getting my favorite Haagen Daaz Carmel Cone ice cream and eating the entire pint in one sitting.

I honestly don't know how to fix this and I am reeling from this realization. Now what the hell do I do?

Hump Day Hottie

2007-06-06T00:01:00.000-04:00

This weeks Hump Day Hottie was born on October 12, 1968 in Sydney, Australia and is the youngest of five children. When he was eight years old his mother left the family and went back to England and he remained behind with his father and his siblings.

After finished school he pumped petrol at Shell, Wahroonga and worked as a part-time clown for children's parties while studying at the University of Technology, Sydney. He graduated in 1989 with a BA in communications, having majored in journalism.

He married Deborra-Lee Furness in 1996 and after two miscarriages they adopted two children, Oscar ,7 and Ava, 2.

He knows how to juggle 5 balls in the air at the same time.

He does not smoke in real life and hates having to do so in films.

He sang the Australian National Anthem in from of 100,000 people at the Melbourne Cricket ground in 1998 and at the 1999 NRL Grand Final in front of 108,000 people.

His early film work includes Erskinville Kings and Paperback Hero. He also appeared in movies such as Kate & Leopold, Van Helsing & The Prestige.

His most famous role that launched him to stardom in the United States wasn't originally his role. It was originally to be Dougray Scotts role but after Scott was held up shooting scenes for Mission Impossible II, this weeks Hump Day Hottie got the role. Even his wife told him not to take the role and later she commented that she was glad that he ignored her.

As he stands nearly a foot taller than his character the film makers were frequently forced to shoot him at unusual angles or only from the waist up to make him appear shorter than he actually was. He was also required to add a great deal of muscle for the role and at the end of his training could bench press 315 lbs. and leg press 1000 lbs.

He became an instant star for his role as Wolverine in the movie X-Men and reprised the role for X2: X-Men United and 2006's X-Men: The Last Stand.

He is producing a Wolverine spin-off, to be released sometime in 2008.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Hugh Jackman

No One Needs You More Than I Need You

2007-06-05T08:56:00.000-04:00

I have mentioned before that I was poor when I was growing up. I don't think that people actually realize how poor we really were and at the time I didn't realize how poor we were either.
My dad left when I was 10 years old. It was pretty difficult as my dad was the primary bread winner and my mom only worked part time for extra spending money. He left our house and moved back into his parents house while our roof was half off being replaced. The fact that he and some friends were doing it and all just up and quit was another blow to my mom.
So, here we were, mom working part time with half of our roof torn down to the joists, no money and no help. My mom called on the bishop of our church for help. My dad had been attending the church for a few years longer than my mother and it seemed like everyone who was his friend (and he had a lot of them) refused to help. It ended up being the bishop, his wife and my mom and my aunt Minnie on the roof. She wouldn't let any of us kids up there.
We ended up living in the family home for another year without paying the house payment, because we couldn't afford to, until we were evicted.
During this time my mom started working full time as an assistant manager at 7-Eleven. We received food stamps and federal health care. I don't know if we received money or not. My dad paid $525 per month in child support and then with my mom's income of maybe $400 per month we didn't have much.
My mom made the difficult decision of going back to school to become an R.N. because she knew that she couldn't make it on the income that she was bringing home. That meant that we rarely saw her because she was either at work or at school.
My sister, Maria, ended up being in charge of the house. She was about 15 or 16 and had to do all of the shopping and get after my brother and I to do our chores. She had so much responsibility heaped on her at a very young age. She had to figure out how to feed 4 people and a dog on $100 per month. Not an easy prospect. We ate a lot of pasta and high carb food because it was cheap. It was better to have a belly full of not so good food than no food at all. This was also at the time where 7-Eleven sold sandwiches in addition to nachos and hot dogs. My mom received permission from the manager to bring home the expired sandwiches every day and that was our main day to day food. Everyone would fight over the chicken sandwiches and no one wanted the BBQ beef sandwiches but my mom always brought all of them home because she knew that they would get eaten.
At one point I only had one pair of shoes. It was a pair of sneakers. I got it stuck underneath the bathroom door and totally ripped the top of my shoe halfway off. My mom couldn't afford to get me another pair of shoes so I went around for a couple of weeks with duct tape wrapped around my shoe.
I used to go to visit my mom at work. I would ride my bike over a mile to the store and I would hang out, drinking Slurpees and eating nachos. It was really the only time that I got to spend with my mom and so I was there a lot. I missed my mom but I understood the sacrifice that she was making.
Once we were evicted from our house we had to find another place to live. My mom found a house for us in the neighboring town, which meant that I had to change from one school district that I had been in since kindergarten, to the rival school district. It was hard on me but it ended up being a great change. I had the best school year of my life that first year when I transferred. My grandmother had just sold her home and so she moved in with us to help out with the bills and taking care of us kids so that my sister didn't have that burden anymore.
The really difficult times lasted about two years until my grandmother moved in with us. Her being there, cooking and helping out with everything made such a difference that things seemed to change overnight. No longer were we fending for ourselves, but we now had that parenting figure again to take care of us.
I cannot imagine how difficult this was for my mom. She did the best that she could with the hand that she was dealt. Not only was she working full time, going to school full time and trying to raise three kids, but she also never turned her back on any of our friends and it seemed that if someone needed help that she was there for them even if it meant that she was going without sleep.

My mother graduated from nursing school when I was 16. It took her 5 years to achieve her goal of being able to provide better for her family. I have the utmost respect for my mother. To this day I don't know how she did it. She is truly my hero.

My Tattoo Experience ~ Updated Now With Photos!!!

2007-06-01T07:26:00.000-04:00

Last night I went and got my tattoo. It looks awesome and I was going to show you photos of it today. Me, being the genius that I am, forgot my camera at my friends house. Devon was over there while I was getting inked so when I went back I showed them the photos that Funny Girl had taken during the process.

Rico, my friend, started taking photos all over the place and by the time that I left, I totally forgot that my camera wasn't in my purse anymore. I will be going over there some time today to get my camera so as soon as I do, I will be updating this entry to show you the photos. But for now I will tell you about the experience.

Funny Girl and I arrived at Mos Eisley's around 6:20 for my 6:30 appointment. We walked into the shop and it has a very cool vibe. Old hardwood floors, a counter that has a distressed, chic style and a row of low slung leather chairs. Along the walls are skateboard designs that the artists have created that you can buy and at the top of a 3/4 wall are masses of trophies that the guys that work there have won.

There are all types of people that are working here at Mos Eisley's. Most of the guys have a multitude of tattoos and those large plugs in their ears and the one woman that we saw had them as well. Everyone is laid back and there isn't any drama.

Gareth, my tattooist, comes out and meets me and we discuss the placement and size of my tattoo. He goes back to get everything all set up and then invites Funny Girl and I back into his space. Funny Girl decides that she likes him on the spot because he has a Thundercats tattoo on his calf. Later we find out that it was the first tattoo that he ever did.

The shop doesn't have an open area where everyone gets tattooed in view of everyone else. I walk into a small room with 3/4 high walls that has a dentist-looking chair, a pedestal sink, a few cool posters, a couple of bookcases, the light and stool for Gareth and a few other folding chairs that observers can sit in.

It took two tries for the tattoo to be placed properly on my back but then we were ready to go.
Gareth starts at the bottom of the tattoo and I hardly feel anything. I think to myself that this isn't going to be bad at all and for the most part it was fine. By the end it was hurting quite a bit, but not enough that I had to ask him to stop. I just gritted my teeth and would say "unicorns & rainbows" trying to think of nice, non-painful things.

During the tattooing, Gareth, Funny Girl and I had the best conversations. Gareth has a Bachelor's degree in History and Religious studies and we talked about all kids of things from the issues with the U.S. in the Middle East and oil to my growing up in the Mormon faith.

I asked his honest opinion about the tattoo that I had chosen and he said that it was the best faith based tattoo that he has ever seen. He had seen it tattooed on a couple of other people and I personally had seen one other person with it. It isn't very common though, which I was happy to hear.

After we were done I paid. He only charged me $120 which I thought was too little so I gave him an extra $30.00. I think that he was surprised that I was willing to pay more than I was quoted. He thanked me and then we discussed caring for the tattoo and we went outside and chatted for a few more minutes and then Funny Girl and I left.

I have had no bleeding and very little pain and I am extremely pleased with the result.

This is the transfer of the photo on my back before the tattooing began.

The tattooing has begun.

Partway done. Gareth had to take a break so we got a good photo of the work in progress. You can see that the outline is done and some coloring is completed but still a ways to go as Gareth used a fine gauge needle.

Me and Gareth after the tattoo is complete. He was such a cool guy to talk to and did a fantastic job on the tattoo.

Here is the tattoo as of this afternoon. You can still see some redness but the image is very clean.

Hump Day Hottie (I know it's Thursday but it is MY hump day this week)

2007-05-31T10:38:00.001-04:00

This weeks (one day late) HDH was born on March 8, 1982 in the town of Nuevo Leon, Mexico to father Renè Drachenberg and mother Sylvia Galeano, who were born in Argentina.
At the age of 4 the Drachenberg family emigrated to the United States.
She collects vintage platform shoes and designer clothing.
She makes a cameo appearance in HIM’s music video for “Killing Loneliness”.
She was exposed to the arts at a very young age which led to her love for the works of Beethoven.
She speaks fluent Spanish.
She is obsessed with photos of downtown L.A.
She skateboards to work.
Her favorite band is Motly Crüe and their song “Starry Eyes” is why she had stars tattooed on her face.
She gave her first tattoo, a Misfits skull, at the age of 14 and was hired into her first shop at the age of 16.
She is accomplished in portrait and realistic art with an empasis on black and gray scale.
She appeared on TLC’s Miami Ink and will be opening her own tattoo shop, L.A. Ink in spring 2007.
Here are some examples of her work:

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ Kat Von D

I Can't Look At You While I'm Lying Next To Him

2007-05-30T10:06:00.000-04:00

I tend to be pretty open minded and pretty non judgemental when it comes to people, their beliefs and lifestyle choices. As long as their decisions don't affect me directly I am fine with their choices even if they aren't something that I would choose for myself.
For example, as much as I have fantasized about having a threesome (what girl hasn't) I can't imagine actually being in a relationship with multiple people at the same time. I even have a hard time casually dating more than one person at a time. It could be that I am easily confused and would have a hard time remembering who said what but I think that it is more that I feel like I am betraying someone.

Which is why I have never understood the lure of cheating. I have read many articles that say that men cheat because of the physical release and that it isn't an emotional one. If that is the case, why aren't they whacking off in the shower and keeping the fidelity in their relationship?

Being a woman, I think that for women it is more of an emotional need. You feel ignored, unimportant, that you aren't being fulfilled emotionally so you go and find the guy that makes you feel beautiful, special and important. I am certain that there is the rare woman that cheats for physical needs too. Probably their husband/boyfriend doesn't satisfy them the way an old flame did so they run back to the old flame to get that need fulfilled.

What is the lure of cheating? I don't get it.

I see the pain, misery, anger, hatred, mistrust and the devastation that it causes. If you are planning to cheat or even if it is a spur of the moment thing and you end up cheating on your significant other what brings you to that point? Is it a lack of morals or a lack of strong character that people succumb to? Is it an overwhelming desire that you are unable to control? Is it knowing that you are "getting back" at your significant other because they did something to hurt or anger you?

Have you ever been cheated on? How did it affect you? Were there any positives that resulted from being cheated on?

Have you ever cheated? Was it worth it?

Scattergories

2007-05-29T07:37:00.000-04:00

You must answer each question using the first letter of your name. And it must be a "real" answer, nothing you made up. If you don't have an answer, skip it. Ready? Set? Go!

Name: Rachel

1. Famous Singer/Band: Rod Stewart

2. 4 letter word: Risk

3. Street: Rymer St (Hoquiam, WA)

4. Color: Red

5. Gifts/Presents: Roses

6. Vehicle: Ram (Dodge)

7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: Road Atlas

8. Boy Name: Riley

9. Girl Name: Rhiannon

10. Movie Title: Rudy

11. Drink: Rum & Coke

12. Occupation: Receptionist

13. Flower: Rose

14. Celebrity: Rachel McAdams

15. Magazine: Redbook

16. U.S. City: Rapid City, SD

17. Pro Sports Teams: Rams (St. Louis)

18. Fruit: Raspberry

19. Reason for Being Late for Work: Road Construction

20. Something You Throw Away: Rinds

21. Things You Shout: Rats!

22. Cartoon Character: Road Runner

If you've made it this far, consider yourself tagged!

(Thanks to Daynger for the great idea)

Wikipedia Is All Knowing

2007-05-25T07:16:00.000-04:00

I stole this from Mielikki, who stole it from Monkey-Girl.

Go to Wikipedia, type in the month and day of your birth, and then list 3 events, 2 births and a holiday that fell on that day. Here are mine:

Holiday: World Food Day

Birth: 1854 Oscar Wilde (Irish writer)
Birth: 1977 John Mayer, American Musician

Event: 1916 Margaret Sanger founds Planned Parenthood by opening the first U.S. birth control clinic.
Event: 1922 The Walt Disney Company is founded by Walt Disney & his brother, Roy Disney.
Event: 1962 Cuban Missle Crisis between the United States & Cuba began.

My First Blogpost Ever ~ Repost

2007-05-24T07:30:00.000-04:00

I used to have another blog that I wrote on. This was the first thing that I wrote on it on January 23, 2006. It still applies today.

Sometimes I wonder if people can see right through me. I wonder if they can see me better than I can see myself. People always say that to know who you really are, you have to strip off the layers (like an onion or as Donkey in Shrek would say - a tasty parfait) to the real person who is underneath. But what if there isn't a person underneath. What if the layers are the only things that make you who you are?
I haven't ever been able to peel down all of the layers to get to my authentic self. How far do you have to go? It seems that I won't ever figure out who I really am. There are a lot of things in my past that I hide from. Many of them I don't even remember as I was quite young. Do I have to go that far to find my authentic self, and if I do get that far, what will I find? A quivering mass of terror cringing in the corner? A girl ready to come out of the dark into the light?
Never getting through all of the layers frustrates me. I want to know who I am. I want others to know who I really am. Sometimes I feel so artificial like I am made of plastic (unfortunately not in the shape of Barbie). If anyone can tell me how to peel the layers and get to my authentic self I might just have to buy them a Frosty.

Hump Day Hottie

2007-05-23T09:06:00.000-04:00

This weeks HDH was born in Newton, Massachusetts on October 20th, 1979. His father is a doctor and his mother is a nurse.
He is the youngest of three sons and has Polish ancestry.
His nickname as a child was "Lattice" because of his unique hairstyle.
He graduated from Brown University as a playwright with honors in 2002.
His TV career began in 2002 as an intern on Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
Since then he has appeared in several films including Kinsey, starring Liam Neeson & Laura Kinny; Duane Hopwood starring David Schwimmer and Janeane Garofalo, which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival. He appeared in Jarhead & had a supporting role in The Holiday. He had cameos in For Your Consideration & Dreamgirls.
You can currenly hear his voice as Sir Lancelot in Shrek the Third.
Prior to his current TV role he appeared on Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Ed, American Dad (as a squirrel), and an episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
He was recently featured in People Magazines's Sexiest Man Alive issue of 2006.
You can currently see this weeks HDH appearing in the hit television comedy The Office as Jim Halpert.

This weeks Hump Day Hottie is ~ John Krasinski